oak

I've been sober for the past 21 months. I also was sober for 16 years in the past. I initially quit drinking very young before I was absolutely sure it was a problem, although there were lots of red flags and both my parents drank a lot. My mom cut back on her drinking and that gave me the idea that I could stop back then. I knew I could not have the life I wanted and drink like I was drinking. It took a few attempts to stop drinking back then, and I also took OTC pills addictively and dangerously when I wasn't drinking. I managed to stop all that after a few years. I occasionally craved alcohol during those 16 years sober, but it was usually easy not to drink.

Then four years ago, I got triggered, craved alcohol intensely, and started again. I relapsed a few different times over several years. My drinking was much, much worse than when I had initially decided to stop drinking. It definitely impacted my marriage and business and my soul and how I saw myself. I had lots of shame. I mostly drank alone and craved throughout the day, starting first thing in the morning (and I drank whenever I could while still hiding it from my partner). Alcohol seemed like my best friend, and I didn't think I could live without it. I'm amazed at how quickly addiction took over my life.

Each time I relapsed, I was miserable after a short time of drinking and I knew I preferred sobriety. Even though it was hard to get sober again, having had 16 years sober helped so much. My adult life is built around not drinking. Most of the people in my life don't drink or rarely drink. I was very aware that I could not do many of the things that I loved doing when I was drunk or hung over.

Even when drinking, I had a strong sense that I wanted to be sober when I died. That feels like ending the cycle of alcoholism in my family. Sobriety feels important at a soul level.

I was abused a lot as a child. I've been in therapy off and on. Healing from trauma has helped a lot.

I also tried LifeRing, Women for Sobriety, SMART, AA, NA, and Rational Recovery. There were things that I liked about all these approaches. I may occasionally still go to meetings, but usually therapy and SR feel like enough support. I occasionally still get cravings (or the stray thought about drinking or pills). But overall, I'm very happy being sober.

I recently cut way back on sugar and caffeine and started eating much healthier. That seems to have helped with alcohol cravings too.

I am very content being sober today. I love having time, energy, and motivation to bike, run, lift weights, work on my business, spend time with my partner, play, etc. I'm comfortable in my own skin, and I like myself.