Being around others that drink
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1
Being around others that drink
Hello everyone,
This is my first post. I'm hoping I can learn from this forum and beat the 500 pound gorilla called alcohol that has tore me up and done a number on my life.
I am on week two without a drink and it has been a huge struggle. I'm afraid to go out to eat or even meet a friend. I'm afraid that as soon as I see beer I'm going to cave and start drinking. I can never just have one beer. As soon as I have one it turns in to 20. All of my friends drink. Sooner or later I'm going to see my friends drinking or see someone at a restaurant drinking and I'm going to want to drink too. What tips does someone have to help in a situation like this? I'm sure every alcoholic goes through this problem where they are exposed to people drinking. I'm not sure how to deal with it. Any advice?
I've been a heavy drinker for 30 years. I've spent weeks in the hospital with liver problems. I recently developed some heart issues as well as chronic pancreatitis. All of which are caused by alcoholism. I've been in idiot for abusing myself for so long. I'm at the point in my life that I have to stop drinking before it kills me. As everyone on this forum is aware, that's easier said then done. I'm going to try my best...
This is my first post. I'm hoping I can learn from this forum and beat the 500 pound gorilla called alcohol that has tore me up and done a number on my life.
I am on week two without a drink and it has been a huge struggle. I'm afraid to go out to eat or even meet a friend. I'm afraid that as soon as I see beer I'm going to cave and start drinking. I can never just have one beer. As soon as I have one it turns in to 20. All of my friends drink. Sooner or later I'm going to see my friends drinking or see someone at a restaurant drinking and I'm going to want to drink too. What tips does someone have to help in a situation like this? I'm sure every alcoholic goes through this problem where they are exposed to people drinking. I'm not sure how to deal with it. Any advice?
I've been a heavy drinker for 30 years. I've spent weeks in the hospital with liver problems. I recently developed some heart issues as well as chronic pancreatitis. All of which are caused by alcoholism. I've been in idiot for abusing myself for so long. I'm at the point in my life that I have to stop drinking before it kills me. As everyone on this forum is aware, that's easier said then done. I'm going to try my best...
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
Welcome!
Congrats on your second week!!! Nice work.
You are right, sooner or later you will have to be around people drinking, and my advice is to shoot for the "later" side of that equation! Early sobriety is about taking care not to put yourself in risky situations.
After some sober time if you are feeling stronger, maybe test the waters then, but even then....have an exit strategy if things get too challenging.
Welcome again...you will find lots of support here:-)
Congrats on your second week!!! Nice work.
You are right, sooner or later you will have to be around people drinking, and my advice is to shoot for the "later" side of that equation! Early sobriety is about taking care not to put yourself in risky situations.
After some sober time if you are feeling stronger, maybe test the waters then, but even then....have an exit strategy if things get too challenging.
Welcome again...you will find lots of support here:-)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 176
Early on in my recovery, I think it would have been extremely difficult to be in an atmosphere where people are drinking in a festive way and my suggestion to you is to avoid them if you can. Yes, that means missing out on some fun stuff your friends are doing. As you progress, you can begin to reassess what you think you can withstand and stay sober.
The first week is tough. So is the second week. And the third. And the fourth. But eventually, it becomes a little less hard. Over time, it doesn't suddenly become easy, but it won't be like wrestling with that 500 lb gorilla. More like a chimpanzee maybe.
I think a lot of people here would suggest going to AA meetings. You should try that and see if that works for you. You'll be around a lot of people with the same struggles, and it might help. It didn't work out for me for various reasons, so I sort of do my own thing that seems to be working for me. Other things you can do is to take care of yourself physically - that means exercising, eating nutritiously, getting enough sleep (if you can).
Other than that, is there something you want to do with your life that you haven't done? A place you want to go? I wasted a third of my life and my biggest fear is that I'll waste the rest without actually living. I don't want to be 90 years old on my deathbed and regretting that I no longer have the ability to do something about it.
Anyway, best of luck to you. You can do it! It doesn't matter how many times you fall, as long as you keep getting up.
The first week is tough. So is the second week. And the third. And the fourth. But eventually, it becomes a little less hard. Over time, it doesn't suddenly become easy, but it won't be like wrestling with that 500 lb gorilla. More like a chimpanzee maybe.
I think a lot of people here would suggest going to AA meetings. You should try that and see if that works for you. You'll be around a lot of people with the same struggles, and it might help. It didn't work out for me for various reasons, so I sort of do my own thing that seems to be working for me. Other things you can do is to take care of yourself physically - that means exercising, eating nutritiously, getting enough sleep (if you can).
Other than that, is there something you want to do with your life that you haven't done? A place you want to go? I wasted a third of my life and my biggest fear is that I'll waste the rest without actually living. I don't want to be 90 years old on my deathbed and regretting that I no longer have the ability to do something about it.
Anyway, best of luck to you. You can do it! It doesn't matter how many times you fall, as long as you keep getting up.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Chesaning, MI
Posts: 23
Hi! I am 37 days sober as of today and I work in a bar. One thing I did when I decided to quit drinking was sat down and made a list of 100 reasons why I shouldn't drink alcohol. It was sickening to me how fast I came up with 100 reasons. I am 22, so all of my friends are constantly wanting to get wasted. I am getting to the point where going out and being the designated driver makes me feel very accomplished. The first few times I went out I carried my list with me in my purse and when I felt like caving in and ordering a fireball on the rocks I went to the bathroom and starting reading myself the list. Just a suggestion, it helped me a lot. :-)
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I never got past week three on my own, mostly not even day three.
You sound very much like an alcoholic of my type, i.e.powerless over alcohol. I end up drinking even when I dont want to. It was too much for me. I gave up the fight and went to AA. After failing at the short cuts that most of us hope to get away with in AA, I followed the simple suggestions and recovered. I havent needed to take a drink since, no matter what. And I have a great life today.
You sound very much like an alcoholic of my type, i.e.powerless over alcohol. I end up drinking even when I dont want to. It was too much for me. I gave up the fight and went to AA. After failing at the short cuts that most of us hope to get away with in AA, I followed the simple suggestions and recovered. I havent needed to take a drink since, no matter what. And I have a great life today.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
From your post I would recommend keeping a distance from that opportunity until you have more time sober. A good month before you put yourself into that situation at least. Until you are 100% positive you can be around that, stay away. And if you have to ask, you are not positive. JMHO
Then - a month maybe - you can reevaluate yourself and ask that question again.
What is your plan to stay stopped?
Then - a month maybe - you can reevaluate yourself and ask that question again.
What is your plan to stay stopped?
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
RamblinMan963, 2 weeks sober is FANTASTIC, congratulations. Me and all my best friends were bottom of the barrel drunks, so I had to give all of them up. I would tell those friends that have meaning to you, your quitting and see what happens. I'd focus on the physical problems before anything else, rootin for ya. 
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Hi. I am also at 2 weeks sober. My issue isn't with watching others drink but with being alone, which is the environment in which I did all my drinking. For me, the first thing I do is continue to take Antabuse, which would make me terribly ill if I drank. That is a physical deterrent but does nothing for cravings. For those, I have been going to a few AA meetings just to be around others who get what I'm going through, I come here everyday and read and post, and mostly just actively remind myself why I cannot drink anymore.
Alcoholics continue to drink even when their health and happiness are at risk, but it can be reversed with diligent effort. Just as my avatar says, "It's not going to be easy, it's going to be worth it." It does take work, constant work, especially in the early days of sobriety. I've gone significant lengths of time sober before and know that it does get easier, but you can still never once let down your guard and you can never moderate. Those days are over for us. I wish you the very best. Keep coming here. There is loads of helpful advice and support.
Alcoholics continue to drink even when their health and happiness are at risk, but it can be reversed with diligent effort. Just as my avatar says, "It's not going to be easy, it's going to be worth it." It does take work, constant work, especially in the early days of sobriety. I've gone significant lengths of time sober before and know that it does get easier, but you can still never once let down your guard and you can never moderate. Those days are over for us. I wish you the very best. Keep coming here. There is loads of helpful advice and support.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hey RamblinMan - Welcome to the forum. This place is really supportive of the journey that is 'saying goodbye' to alcohol.
Do not hang around alcohol right now...that is my first suggestion. Second, stay logged into this forum as often as you can. Reading and posting is very supportive.
At around two months sober myself I realize that alcohol was everywhere in my life. I had to change up all sorts of habits, patterns and hang-outs and fill my time with new ones. Like cleaning toilets at night - or doing anything that gives me a sense of accomplishment.
Having a sense of physically 'doing' something in place of drinking is really important for me. Or, if I am hanging out at night, I hang out here because it supports the whole goal of getting alcohol out of my life. Other than this forum there are not many supports around for me...everyone drinks, but not me. You will find your supports with time.
You are not alone in this. You need to do this...you know it...now you just have to do it one day at a time. HUGE accomplishment. And you can do it.
Do not hang around alcohol right now...that is my first suggestion. Second, stay logged into this forum as often as you can. Reading and posting is very supportive.
At around two months sober myself I realize that alcohol was everywhere in my life. I had to change up all sorts of habits, patterns and hang-outs and fill my time with new ones. Like cleaning toilets at night - or doing anything that gives me a sense of accomplishment.
Having a sense of physically 'doing' something in place of drinking is really important for me. Or, if I am hanging out at night, I hang out here because it supports the whole goal of getting alcohol out of my life. Other than this forum there are not many supports around for me...everyone drinks, but not me. You will find your supports with time.
You are not alone in this. You need to do this...you know it...now you just have to do it one day at a time. HUGE accomplishment. And you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
It's easier to handle those situations if you have a good long streak of sobriety under your belt. It's easier to get a good long streak of sobriety under your belt if you stay out of those situations. So I would at least try to take some time off from those situations in the early part of sobriety, if feasible.
If you're out for dinner with someone, my advice is to not order any alcoholic beverages, and if your dining guest tries to order you one, decline. Then go home after dinner.
Yeah, not anything particularly insightful in that advice, kind of meat and potatoes..
If you're out for dinner with someone, my advice is to not order any alcoholic beverages, and if your dining guest tries to order you one, decline. Then go home after dinner.
Yeah, not anything particularly insightful in that advice, kind of meat and potatoes..
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum!! 
There's no harm in giving those situations a miss for a while, you mentioned you've had health issues with alcohol so offending a few people isn't on the same level as damaging your health even further!!
There's no harm in giving those situations a miss for a while, you mentioned you've had health issues with alcohol so offending a few people isn't on the same level as damaging your health even further!!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR.
Yes, you're going to want to drink. I feel that same urge. I also want to flirt with the pretty waitresses and stab my boss with the scissors. I treat all of those urges the same way - I don't do them. It would be wrong for me to do them, and I know it.
Avoidance for a while is a fine idea. Get some confidence in your ability to say "no" to the bottle. Mentally prepare yourself for the day you're going to be around alcohol again. No need to dread it, though. A beer isn't going to charge you from across the room and jump down your throat. You have to decide to do it - and you have decided not to.
Best of Luck on This Journey.
Originally Posted by RamblinMan963 
Sooner or later I'm going to see my friends drinking or see someone at a restaurant drinking and I'm going to want to drink too. What tips does someone have to help in a situation like this?
Avoidance for a while is a fine idea. Get some confidence in your ability to say "no" to the bottle. Mentally prepare yourself for the day you're going to be around alcohol again. No need to dread it, though. A beer isn't going to charge you from across the room and jump down your throat. You have to decide to do it - and you have decided not to.
Best of Luck on This Journey.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Hey, Ramblin. Yeah, alcohol is everyfreakingwhere. I mean, I can't even go grocery shopping without booze jumping out at me. It would be fine if they'd just keep it in the liquor department but they think it's clever to put white wine near the fish department, beer near the chips and my store has some stupid Mexican food kick going on right now so they set up little cantina scenarios with margarita mix and happy little margarita glasses out and 6 packs of Corona. I tell ya, shopping during the first few days of sobriety was a real struggle.
I'm fortunate that since I moved to a new area, all of my friends are people I've met through the program. When I go back to my hometown for a visit, my friends are aware of my situation. It was pretty obvious to them but I decided to out myself on Facebook. If I take a drink in front of my friends, I'll catch hell, lol! I was worried about what people would think but honestly, I needed to tell everyone. It means that now, I don't have to hide my sobriety. In fact, several of my friends have forgotten that I don't drink. One person even offered me a tequila shot at a party. It was pretty awesome. I was able to tell her no. She felt bad that she'd forgotten but I told her how happy it made me. There was proof that my friends still thought of me as me, not as the sad sack alcoholic who can't drink.
Early on, when I went out to eat I would hand the wine list to the person who sat me before they could run off. I simply didn't crack it open. Right now, I open it and look all the way down and to the right where the nonalcoholic options usually are. Some places offer some neat stuff! A Mexican restaurant I enjoy offers bottomless cantaloupe flavored water and bottomless horchata. Yes, bottomless horchata! Sometimes, at Mexican restaurants and breweries, I sit with my back to the dining room if possible. That way, I'm not giving the hairy eyeball to anyone's pitcher or margaritas or beer.
If you feel that you can handle telling your friends that you've decided to give up the drink, do that. If people want explanations, it's up to you on what to say. For me, it was easier to just come clean and tell people that I'm an alcoholic in recovery now. I was bad off enough that my friends and family were just happy that I was finally dealing with my alcoholism. Apparently, I suck at hiding my drinking. Lots of people use medication and/or health reasons to explain their teetotaling. I like to stick with reasons that are anchored in truth. Honesty is a big part of my sobriety.
Just remember, your recovery is paramount. If you feel uncomfortable in a situation where there is drinking, walk away. Also, remember that your not drinking is a bigger deal to you than to most people. Most people who ask if you want a drink are being polite. A simple "no thanks" will usually suffice. Also, keep a drink of your own close by. In social situations, a Coke looks just like a rum and coke. A club soda with a twist looks like, well, whatever that mixed drink is that has those components. Probably something with gin. Yuck!!!
And always, always, always remember to come here before you drink. Post a thread and wait for a response. It probably won't take more than a few minutes for someone to reply and you'll get support. Call you local AA hotline or any numbers you have. Call, text, post, stay connected! Help is always there for those who reach out.
I'm fortunate that since I moved to a new area, all of my friends are people I've met through the program. When I go back to my hometown for a visit, my friends are aware of my situation. It was pretty obvious to them but I decided to out myself on Facebook. If I take a drink in front of my friends, I'll catch hell, lol! I was worried about what people would think but honestly, I needed to tell everyone. It means that now, I don't have to hide my sobriety. In fact, several of my friends have forgotten that I don't drink. One person even offered me a tequila shot at a party. It was pretty awesome. I was able to tell her no. She felt bad that she'd forgotten but I told her how happy it made me. There was proof that my friends still thought of me as me, not as the sad sack alcoholic who can't drink.
Early on, when I went out to eat I would hand the wine list to the person who sat me before they could run off. I simply didn't crack it open. Right now, I open it and look all the way down and to the right where the nonalcoholic options usually are. Some places offer some neat stuff! A Mexican restaurant I enjoy offers bottomless cantaloupe flavored water and bottomless horchata. Yes, bottomless horchata! Sometimes, at Mexican restaurants and breweries, I sit with my back to the dining room if possible. That way, I'm not giving the hairy eyeball to anyone's pitcher or margaritas or beer.
If you feel that you can handle telling your friends that you've decided to give up the drink, do that. If people want explanations, it's up to you on what to say. For me, it was easier to just come clean and tell people that I'm an alcoholic in recovery now. I was bad off enough that my friends and family were just happy that I was finally dealing with my alcoholism. Apparently, I suck at hiding my drinking. Lots of people use medication and/or health reasons to explain their teetotaling. I like to stick with reasons that are anchored in truth. Honesty is a big part of my sobriety.
Just remember, your recovery is paramount. If you feel uncomfortable in a situation where there is drinking, walk away. Also, remember that your not drinking is a bigger deal to you than to most people. Most people who ask if you want a drink are being polite. A simple "no thanks" will usually suffice. Also, keep a drink of your own close by. In social situations, a Coke looks just like a rum and coke. A club soda with a twist looks like, well, whatever that mixed drink is that has those components. Probably something with gin. Yuck!!!
And always, always, always remember to come here before you drink. Post a thread and wait for a response. It probably won't take more than a few minutes for someone to reply and you'll get support. Call you local AA hotline or any numbers you have. Call, text, post, stay connected! Help is always there for those who reach out.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I go to AA because it teaches me how to have a full and happy life without alcohol, meet new friends that don't drink, and do activities that don't involve alcohol.
Sobriety requires building a new life not trying to salvage the old
It takes some time and effort but it can be done
Sobriety requires building a new life not trying to salvage the old
It takes some time and effort but it can be done
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