sunny09

I posted a few weeks ago and shared some background on my family story. My AH and I have 2 girls, ages 7 & 9. I am getting ready to move forward with divorce. The synopsis is - my AH had a alcohol withdrawal seizure at home back in October. Did detox at the local hospital, then 45 days inpatient at a place far from home in another state. Since then, he has been living with family in another state, FAR from here, continuing with recovery through AA. He now has a job and recently bought a vehicle.
He has been home for one visit in May. While here, he relapsed and drove with the girls drunk. The only "proof" I have of this relapse is my poor 9-year-old coming to me crying after the horrible visit was over, telling me that daddy had bought a can of "raspberry rita bud light" and drank it at the park with them. Beyond that, it was just clear that he was wasted by his appearance and behavior throughout the visit.
He says he agrees that physical custody would go to me, however he wants shared legal custody. I am afraid that if we have shared legal, he will make everything difficult and continue to fight me every chance he gets. Given that he is choosing to live and stay in another state, far from us, and given the alcoholism, driving with children drunk, etc. does he have solid footing to argue for legal custody?
My other HUGE fear is visitation. I am terrified that somehow he will end up being able to force me to send them to the mainland unaccompanied for visits. Can he do that? I feel that my girls would be scared and traumatized at this point by having to fly far away to visit family they hardly remember, and be with a dad they have been so emotionally hurt by. They are really struggling, and that would just be way too much.
I want to be reasonable and thoughtful with all this, but every time I try to discuss things with him, he gets all ranting and intense and, I guess, quacking (that word is still new to me!) Another part of me feels like I should go all out and just get everything I possibly can in the way of custody, to protect my girls, since we have no idea what kind of craziness might happen down the line.
I will be talking with my lawyer soon, but really would appreciate some advice and information from "real" people- not lawyer types

Praying

I went "modified joint legal" because I had those same concerns, and since we live in different states it definitely sounded reasonable. In my state this allowed us to say- sure, they both have legal custody- but we said medical, schooling, and activity decisions are purely made by me. So what does the joint part mean? He feels like he won something.

Hold firm. It's likely he'll get much meaner at some point as control dwindles. Then nicer to convince you to cave (don't).

Happy to chat if you have any questions and want to PM me.

Hugs to you!