Is it just me?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Is it just me?
Sigh - insecurity.
I went to an AA bbq and pool party at a friend's yesterday. I knew many of the people there, but even so, I get so darn shy sometimes and it makes me crazy. I compare myself to others there who are so outspoken and have everybody laughing constantly. I wish I could be like that. I smile on the outside but sometimes I think 'I sure wish I could be like him/her' - and that's just not a good place to be. Can anyone else identify with this? What do you do to help you abstain from comparing yourself to others, and how did you work towards building up your self-esteem?
I went to an AA bbq and pool party at a friend's yesterday. I knew many of the people there, but even so, I get so darn shy sometimes and it makes me crazy. I compare myself to others there who are so outspoken and have everybody laughing constantly. I wish I could be like that. I smile on the outside but sometimes I think 'I sure wish I could be like him/her' - and that's just not a good place to be. Can anyone else identify with this? What do you do to help you abstain from comparing yourself to others, and how did you work towards building up your self-esteem?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Hi Honey...
:mj Here are two kisses to improve you're self-esteem.
I do not enjoy social functions, I am always uncomfortable.
I also know that was (part) of my love affair with alcohol.
I did not feel as shy and dammit I was funny...blah,blah
My therapist and I worked on getting to the core of who I am, and in all reality I am more of a solitary person. I truly do love my time alone.
I can accept that aspect of myself and honor it.
Don't get me wrong, I also work on getting myself to be a bit more social, the dog park is a biggie in my social life.
Sounds corny I know but for a girl who left the house about once a week for months on end, that is big stuff.
I am more open here than I am even with my current therapist or any other therapist/psychiatrist I have ever seen. And that is good for me and my recovery, I know in my heart that we all need other people in our lives, that we have to share of ourselves...
I hope something I typed makes some sense....
Many blesssings sister...
:mj Here are two kisses to improve you're self-esteem.
I do not enjoy social functions, I am always uncomfortable.
I also know that was (part) of my love affair with alcohol.
I did not feel as shy and dammit I was funny...blah,blah
My therapist and I worked on getting to the core of who I am, and in all reality I am more of a solitary person. I truly do love my time alone.
I can accept that aspect of myself and honor it.
Don't get me wrong, I also work on getting myself to be a bit more social, the dog park is a biggie in my social life.
Sounds corny I know but for a girl who left the house about once a week for months on end, that is big stuff.
I am more open here than I am even with my current therapist or any other therapist/psychiatrist I have ever seen. And that is good for me and my recovery, I know in my heart that we all need other people in our lives, that we have to share of ourselves...
I hope something I typed makes some sense....
Many blesssings sister...
OH SH!T
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: RICHMOND,VIRGINIA-
Posts: 1,655
((((ROWAN))))I ALWAYS FELT INFERIOR TO OTHERS SO I ALWAYS HAD TO PROVE MYSELF,BE FASTER,STRONGER,DRINK MORE,DO MORE DRUGS THAN,HAVE MORE WOMEN THAN,BE CRAZIER THAN.I PUT OUTRAGIOUS EXPECTATIONS ON MYSELF,BEING A PERFECTIONEST,I NEVER LIVED UP TO WHAT I THOUGHT I SHOULD BE.I WAS OUT TO GET THE ATTENTION WHETHER IT BE GOOD OR BAD.I HAVE ALOT OF WORK TO DO TO BE MYSELF,NOT WHAT I THINK OTHERS WANT ME TO BE.PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION!.......ted 
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi Rowan,
I was also a victim of low self-esteem and I think many of us addicts are. I did the same thing and smiled when I didn't really feel like it and generally felt uncomfortable in social situations.
Since I stopped drinking I have gradually become more comfortable with myself. I have been able to accept some of my weaknesses and strengths. Also, I don't go out as much anymore. I still don't really enjoy social situations and I'm ok with that too.
If I'm not paying attention though, I do find myself comparing myself to others sometimes. Not as much as I used to, but it still happens. I think that meditation can help with that. I try to meditate and feel the real core of myself and experience it. That way when I go out I can take that feeling with me and I don't get off balance so easily. I'm sure not great at it, but I applaud you for being aware and for trying to change those feelings!
Love, Anna
I was also a victim of low self-esteem and I think many of us addicts are. I did the same thing and smiled when I didn't really feel like it and generally felt uncomfortable in social situations.
Since I stopped drinking I have gradually become more comfortable with myself. I have been able to accept some of my weaknesses and strengths. Also, I don't go out as much anymore. I still don't really enjoy social situations and I'm ok with that too.
If I'm not paying attention though, I do find myself comparing myself to others sometimes. Not as much as I used to, but it still happens. I think that meditation can help with that. I try to meditate and feel the real core of myself and experience it. That way when I go out I can take that feeling with me and I don't get off balance so easily. I'm sure not great at it, but I applaud you for being aware and for trying to change those feelings!
Love, Anna
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
You know something? I love this place - Kel, Ted and Anna ... thank you so much for sharing 
I really enjoyed what each of you had to say. I too prefer solitude than being with a crowd although I am learning to be sociable. I guess the key is accepting ourselves as we are. Easy to say, hard to do! And Kel I can relate to the dogpark being a highlight. I love walking but have been isolating for a long time and was scared to go out and walk. Then a neighbour moved in with a dog which he let me walk for him. Suddenly I had a 'shield', this little sheltie named Rudy. Too bad Rudy doesn't live here anymore but he sure helped. And Anna, the meditation is a terrific idea. I have a hard time focusing, but I am able to do it while practicing yoga - something to do with the mind/body connection for me.
Thanks again, so much.
Much love,
Rowan
:rose
I really enjoyed what each of you had to say. I too prefer solitude than being with a crowd although I am learning to be sociable. I guess the key is accepting ourselves as we are. Easy to say, hard to do! And Kel I can relate to the dogpark being a highlight. I love walking but have been isolating for a long time and was scared to go out and walk. Then a neighbour moved in with a dog which he let me walk for him. Suddenly I had a 'shield', this little sheltie named Rudy. Too bad Rudy doesn't live here anymore but he sure helped. And Anna, the meditation is a terrific idea. I have a hard time focusing, but I am able to do it while practicing yoga - something to do with the mind/body connection for me. Thanks again, so much.
Much love,
Rowan
:rose
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
I came to a realization.... God made me the way I am for a reason.
Some are teachers, some are workers, some are preachers.
I have been given gifts from God that others don't have, others have been given gifts that I don't have. We each have our place. Those who people think are funny and keep people laughing.... well if there was no one willing to listen to them, how funny would they be? We each have our place in life. Finding out that place for me was the tuff part. Still learning but content.
Some are teachers, some are workers, some are preachers.
I have been given gifts from God that others don't have, others have been given gifts that I don't have. We each have our place. Those who people think are funny and keep people laughing.... well if there was no one willing to listen to them, how funny would they be? We each have our place in life. Finding out that place for me was the tuff part. Still learning but content.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: east coast
Posts: 2,440
Hi Rowan,
I think most of us, if not all, are victims of low self-esteem. I also drank and did drugs to be funnier. I was picked on alot growing up. I really thought I was ugly and I found that when I drank and drugged the boys seemed to like me. That was because I became easy, needing to feel wanted and instead being used. It's not easy to change our ways, so when I first came around, I would sit in the back and keep to myself. I still feel a little uncomfortable at times, but I do try to reach out to others. I'm trusting that it will get easier the more I work the steps.
Sherry
I think most of us, if not all, are victims of low self-esteem. I also drank and did drugs to be funnier. I was picked on alot growing up. I really thought I was ugly and I found that when I drank and drugged the boys seemed to like me. That was because I became easy, needing to feel wanted and instead being used. It's not easy to change our ways, so when I first came around, I would sit in the back and keep to myself. I still feel a little uncomfortable at times, but I do try to reach out to others. I'm trusting that it will get easier the more I work the steps.
Sherry
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 689
Originally Posted by Rowan
Sigh - insecurity.
I get so darn shy sometimes and it makes me crazy. :
I get so darn shy sometimes and it makes me crazy. :
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 423
Hey Rowan, it was good to meet you the other night at the AA meeting here. Paradoxically, early on in my recovery it was by comparing myself to others that led me to the realization that I am an alcoholic.
I can't remember how long you have been sober, but feeling more comfortable around other people is like anything else - the more you do it/practice, the more comfortable you will be.
Sometimes, I think it is okay to compare ourselves with others - it is a common form of learning called vicarious learning. Just pick the right people to learn from!!
Take care Rowan!!
Dave
I can't remember how long you have been sober, but feeling more comfortable around other people is like anything else - the more you do it/practice, the more comfortable you will be.
Sometimes, I think it is okay to compare ourselves with others - it is a common form of learning called vicarious learning. Just pick the right people to learn from!!
Take care Rowan!!
Dave
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Rowan
there is the cutest little Sheltie here, she is one of the regulars at the dog park.
Her name is Shilo and she loves to get the ball again and again and...
She has got to be 10-12 doggie yrs. and is still frisky like a puppy.
That is how my beagle acts, he is my little old man who refuses to grow up and stop being so mischievous. He is going on 10.
:shrug: Gotta love dog's. .. or not. I love em'
there is the cutest little Sheltie here, she is one of the regulars at the dog park.
Her name is Shilo and she loves to get the ball again and again and...
She has got to be 10-12 doggie yrs. and is still frisky like a puppy.
That is how my beagle acts, he is my little old man who refuses to grow up and stop being so mischievous. He is going on 10.
:shrug: Gotta love dog's. .. or not. I love em'
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 689
Originally Posted by David 1
feeling more comfortable around other people is like anything else - the more you do it/practice, the more comfortable you will be.
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