Kys

Drank tonight. Why? Signed into the 24hr club this morning and it's like my mind just shut that out when I chose to drink.

I've gotten back on track before. So worried I'm losing grasp again.

Didn't drink a huge amount but that's not the point. Poured it out (I've done that before at least) and laying in bed now.

Nonsensical

Welcome back Kys.

If you weren't thinking about the 24 hour club when you took your first drink, what were you thinking about? Try to remember when your head is feeling more clear.

What are you going to try next to stay sober?

IOAA2

Hi and welcome back.
"Drank tonight. Why?"

If your an alcoholic drinking is a natural thing to do.
We need to practice every day not drinking the first drink so we don't have to get sober AGAIN.

BE WELL

PurpleKnight

Get back onto the Sobriety wagon and go at it again, you'll get there!!

soberclover

I so agree with IOAA2....as alcoholics, drinking is our "go to-thinking". In my sobriety I have found that the key for me is to struggle through the tough times and figure out why I'm struggling and how to get through it sober. If that tough time comes around again, I know I have gone through it at least once sober and call upon that strength. You got this Kys....

Notimetoloose

Hi Kys..great job on pouring it out. It was easy we wouldn't be here.
I have poured it out as well and literally looked at myself in the mirror and said what am I doing? Why am I doing this?
Tomorrow is a new day, shoulders back, head high and back to it.

airwick

I hope to see you in the 24hr. club tomorrow!

Nuudawn

Kys...what else are you doing to support your recovery other than "SR"? Not everyone feels cut out for the AA community..but there are other options, e.g addiction counselling, books on recovery etc.

Do you have anyone else in your 3D world also in recovery? I just looked at a few of your other threads. I'm thinking that may some other support tools would be helpful. SR is wonderful..but it would be nice if you have some tangible people around maybe?

Just from what I can surmise...you seem to be really white knuckling this.

dwtbd

You have to try and get to a place where you are not stressing over and feeling about past actions, no matter how recent, in order to have the mindset to do(or not do) in the 'now'.
The most important thing is now, do not drink now.
That was the thought process I used to stay resolved, from one 'now' to the next. Living through all the 'nows' was trying , at times more than others, but it was what I had to do and cotinue to do.
wish you well
the nows add up

Dee74

Kys, I reckon you need to be doing more than you're doing for your recovery right now.
Do you agree?

D

MIRecovery

Staying sober for me is a game of action. I do concrete things daily to keep myself sober. All the wishing and will never worked. When I started DOING different things I started staying sober

Anna

Is there something you can add to your recovery program or change? I'm really glad you're back.

Hevyn

Kys - That is scary. I'm glad you didn't let it become a binge. It just isn't worth it any more.

aussieblue

Just keep trying, don't give up on getting sober.

courage2

Hi Kys! I'm sorry you're struggling. I think when what you're doing isn't working, you need to add something to what you're doing.

I started out just with SR and it wasn't enough for me. SR continues to be my main source of support, and I have kind of my own personal "program" with SR with several daily commitments, but I also get face-to-face support and other things as well. It's just a lot of work to stay sober.

What have you tried? If you start out the day committed, what can you do to support that commitment every day?

((Kys))

Kys

Thank you and of course I'm very grateful.

I needed a bullet proof plan tonight to break the cycle and so committed to staying down at my folks tonight (knew I'd get killed if I canceled on that!) and I'm here now.

Can't write much at the moment but wanted to let everyone know I'm sober. I'll write back tomorrow, I like that I have this stuff to mull over tonight and feel like I've got some freedom back.

Kys

Really good advice here, I've been reading over this and SR in general all afternoon.

I've gone back to counselling starting next week. That and SR took me a long way to breaking the habits and getting my life back on track, but it looks like I've again underestimated how much I need to continuously invest in keeping on track. With a clear head now I'm reminded of how much I love making sobriety a way of life, like I can't believe it's free given how much everything starts to change for the better, if that makes sense.

My partner knows about my struggles now (and it was pretty apparent), I've been blessed with their support and non-judgement. I'm so lucky. I'm glad I opened up.

Something I'm really excited about! I'm moving house! I've thought about this for a while and this is hard to explain, but when I moved here drinking really became an issue from the start (some events to do with moving here). There's nothing keeping me in this dark little apartment any more. I really associate it with drinking, it's become more or a drinking den that keeps calling me back rather than a home.

And so into a living space that's more for me, kitchen, windows, more homely bits and pieces etc. I've been looking at places, will be a welcome change Would have done it a while ago, but the daily drinking didn't allow for much free thinking.

Thanks for reading, was good to write this 'aloud'.

Raider

Good luck!

Verte

After you sign into the 24hr club, I suggest you stick around for the good support and wisdom here on SR. Everyone will be happy to remind you of your goal should you temporarily forget.

Back at it! You can do this.