Blythe

I have not posted since mid May regarding my (ex) friend's addicted son staying with us. It has been a wild ride - which I hoped was over but is NOT.
Surprise! The kid was using whatever he could get his hands on the entire time he was staying with us. I found a needle buried in his bathroom trash before Memorial Day so my husband did the "dirty work" and put him out.
We finally heard from him on Memorial Day in the evening. Would I pony up the copay so he could go back to rehab in the morning? I tried his Father but he cried poor. So I paid. He wrote that all his clothing was gone. I sent clothing.
His counselor has been in touch numerous times via phone and email.
I have learned that this is his 8th time in rehab since 2013. He told me had relapsed at a sober home sometime in April.
I have been contacted by a different counselor about paying for the kid to enter a sober home on Friday. I am expecting a call any second from the "counselor" - his qualification being 2 years sober.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am dubious about sober homes as he has relapsed on many occasions at sober homes. I think he wants to go because there will be other heroin addicts and easy access to drugs.
I have offered our home: with the right to search his belongings and truly random drug tests. He will be spending 5 hours per day at the rehab, transportation provided. He's prefer a sober home.
It seems as if the rehab is really trying to "sell" me on the sober home. They are unregulated and unlicensed in PA. I could open one in a week.
His parents are obviously not willing to help with anything and I am sick to death of throwing money at this!!!
I want the 23 year old "kid" to get better. I am not paying for another relapse.
Advice on sober homes? All of these relapses? HELP!!!! Thanks

AnvilheadII

8 rehabs in 2 years says HE'S NOT READY TO QUIT. and while sober living has it's merits there is nothing to stop an addict from using anywhere and everywhere, be it sober living, your bathroom, or the church parking lot.

you are not obligated to keep throwing your money away on someone who does not value the gift.

zoso77

Blythe...

So don't. Problem solved.

As Anvil pointed out, he is not interested in pursuing recovery. Eight rehab stints going back to 2013 is not a track record that should give you the warm and fuzzies.

Do what is necessary and extract yourself from his equation. Otherwise, you can expect more of the same...and worse.

Blythe

Good answer. I am not answering my phone when the rehab comes up. I had no idea until this morning that he had been to rehab 8 times. Nor did I know that he had relapsed while in a sober home. God only knows how was admitted to the one after the "relapse house".
I've spent enough on this. He stole our change. That is bad enough. He could have robbed us blind.
He has no intention of quitting and I have no intention of enabling him.

Blythe

Just found a great quote on another thread:
"What can you do? Don't feed the sickness with money. Don't pay bills for the addict. Don't do for the addict what they are perfectly capable of doing for themselves and don't believe for one minute that they are not capable. It only cripples them further to treat him/her as if they were a child. Resist the urge, even if you feel it is out of love. When we get our heads all wrapped up in the love factor we end up doing things that are not in our best interest or the best interest of the addict. In the name of LOVE - Just stop.
Put your focus somewhere it is needed. ON YOURSELF, your responsibilities, your mental and physical heath."
Amen - if I felt like spending more cash, I'd buy more shoes!!!!