Update....
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Update....
I just thought I would post an update of how things have been going.
My X and I will be divorced very shortly. We will not have to go to court, it was delayed for a bit b/c we had to switch judges b/c of a conflict of interest. No biggie. He has already signed off on a quit claim deed on my house. He has moved away from his sister's into his own apartment. He is "talking to" someone else, I don't know who, nor do I care. That's totally fine with me. He is still drinking although I don't believe he drinks with my children present.
About a week ago there was a big blow up with my kids and him b.c. my little daughter was asking him a lot of questions and he got mad. He brought them home and they were all screaming. It was ugly, but productive. My older daughter, who is 14, got some things off her chest she desperately needed to say. He was quacking and they called him out on it big time. He apologized to them and things are going ok with them. We will see what the future holds.
As most of you know, I broke my leg a couple of weeks ago. It's slow going. I have a split level home, so you have to go up and down steps to even use the restroom. I am learning to get around a bit better and have wonderful friends and family who are taking good care of me. I am working, although it is spotty. Luckily I have time built up at work that I am able to take off time as needed. My kids are a HUGE help as well as my mom, who I believe should have a halo over her head for all she has done for us. Even my X is being extra considerate with things.
Last night I had a situation that breaks my heart. My dear friend and her DD who has grown up with my DD (both age 14) called to say they were coming over to spend the night with me. She is divorced from her very controlling husband. They do not have a custody agreement, it's just 50/50 with no schedule which was a big mistake and is nuts. He is bipolar and will not take his meds. He is addicted to various opiates and benzos. They also have another DD who is 12.
Last night he got mad that older DD has Instagram even though her mother has approved that. He and mother do not communicate, his choice. He will not speak to her. He proceeded to beat the older DD last night, took her in his truck to her moms house and pushed her out of his truck and said he is done with her. She has marks on her today, I saw them w/my own eyes. This child is telling the 100% truth, no question.
Mother took daughter to the police station. Problem is, X still has younger DD. Mom wants to get younger DD away but he has taken her phone. He has mental illness, no respect for the law, and she is desperately afraid he is going to kill her and/or all of them. It's absolutely horrible and my heart is broken for her.
The police advised her to try and get younger DD before they file for exparte. They took photos of the older DD's injuries. This man is not stable and I am truly afraid for all of them.
If you pray, please say an extra prayer for the safety of my friend and her children. My sister is police and will be in town later this week. She is going to buy a gun and my sister is going to teach her how to use it later this week. He has said that he could kill them and no one would ever know. You may have heard of this, his friend, Clay Waller, brutally killed his wife and tried to hide their triplets. He finally confessed and is in jail. I don't mind saying this on here b/c this was a nationally known case. He was friends w/Clay a while ago until things went bad. He told my friend that he could do the same thing and that no one would ever know. It was a terrible thing and Clay had stalked his wife Jacque and she had told everyone if she turned up dead Clay did it. Sure enough, that happened. She was a wonderful person and mom and it is a tragedy. I don't want that same tragedy with my friend. I am afraid in a way I never have been before. Horrible.
If you are still reading I thank you. I really needed to reach out today because I just feel hopeless. This is one of my best friends and I love her children as though they are my own. It is very scary.
Please keep your loved ones safe and yourselves safe. Mental illness untreated turns very ugly and is not something to play around with.
Hugs, very big hugs to all my SR friends. I pray for all of you each day, you are all in my heart.
My X and I will be divorced very shortly. We will not have to go to court, it was delayed for a bit b/c we had to switch judges b/c of a conflict of interest. No biggie. He has already signed off on a quit claim deed on my house. He has moved away from his sister's into his own apartment. He is "talking to" someone else, I don't know who, nor do I care. That's totally fine with me. He is still drinking although I don't believe he drinks with my children present.
About a week ago there was a big blow up with my kids and him b.c. my little daughter was asking him a lot of questions and he got mad. He brought them home and they were all screaming. It was ugly, but productive. My older daughter, who is 14, got some things off her chest she desperately needed to say. He was quacking and they called him out on it big time. He apologized to them and things are going ok with them. We will see what the future holds.
As most of you know, I broke my leg a couple of weeks ago. It's slow going. I have a split level home, so you have to go up and down steps to even use the restroom. I am learning to get around a bit better and have wonderful friends and family who are taking good care of me. I am working, although it is spotty. Luckily I have time built up at work that I am able to take off time as needed. My kids are a HUGE help as well as my mom, who I believe should have a halo over her head for all she has done for us. Even my X is being extra considerate with things.
Last night I had a situation that breaks my heart. My dear friend and her DD who has grown up with my DD (both age 14) called to say they were coming over to spend the night with me. She is divorced from her very controlling husband. They do not have a custody agreement, it's just 50/50 with no schedule which was a big mistake and is nuts. He is bipolar and will not take his meds. He is addicted to various opiates and benzos. They also have another DD who is 12.
Last night he got mad that older DD has Instagram even though her mother has approved that. He and mother do not communicate, his choice. He will not speak to her. He proceeded to beat the older DD last night, took her in his truck to her moms house and pushed her out of his truck and said he is done with her. She has marks on her today, I saw them w/my own eyes. This child is telling the 100% truth, no question.
Mother took daughter to the police station. Problem is, X still has younger DD. Mom wants to get younger DD away but he has taken her phone. He has mental illness, no respect for the law, and she is desperately afraid he is going to kill her and/or all of them. It's absolutely horrible and my heart is broken for her.
The police advised her to try and get younger DD before they file for exparte. They took photos of the older DD's injuries. This man is not stable and I am truly afraid for all of them.
If you pray, please say an extra prayer for the safety of my friend and her children. My sister is police and will be in town later this week. She is going to buy a gun and my sister is going to teach her how to use it later this week. He has said that he could kill them and no one would ever know. You may have heard of this, his friend, Clay Waller, brutally killed his wife and tried to hide their triplets. He finally confessed and is in jail. I don't mind saying this on here b/c this was a nationally known case. He was friends w/Clay a while ago until things went bad. He told my friend that he could do the same thing and that no one would ever know. It was a terrible thing and Clay had stalked his wife Jacque and she had told everyone if she turned up dead Clay did it. Sure enough, that happened. She was a wonderful person and mom and it is a tragedy. I don't want that same tragedy with my friend. I am afraid in a way I never have been before. Horrible.
If you are still reading I thank you. I really needed to reach out today because I just feel hopeless. This is one of my best friends and I love her children as though they are my own. It is very scary.
Please keep your loved ones safe and yourselves safe. Mental illness untreated turns very ugly and is not something to play around with.
Hugs, very big hugs to all my SR friends. I pray for all of you each day, you are all in my heart.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Hopeful, your friend is in my prayers. I was in a similar situation and know how frightening it is. And unless the cops can verify by going to the house and finding the dude in a state of psychotic rage, they can't remove the younger daughter.
Is your friend able to go file for emergency custody for her younger one today?
And lots of love to you, too. (((hugs)))
Is your friend able to go file for emergency custody for her younger one today?
And lots of love to you, too. (((hugs)))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am not sure, she is going to see an attorney this morning. Of course he is like so many others, a raving maniac around some and a completely sane person around others. The younger DD was present when this happened, so I am hoping if she says she fears for her safety they will be able to get her out. Of course the bigger issue is that even w/an exparte he will do what he wants, when he wants. Complete disregard for anyone telling him what to do, including the police.
The mother is also going to get a security system put on the home immediately this morning and is staying elsewhere this week where he will not suspect. If he cannot find his kids it is likely he will come looking at my home, and I cannot fit any cars in my garage, so I cannot hide her car.
Of course, he has tons of guns, knives, a strong stun gun, all sorts of weapons. Even if ordered to do so, he is not going to get rid of any of them. Apparently the other woman he has been seeing (who was married), moved to Australia and it has set him off into a bad place.
Horrible.
The mother is also going to get a security system put on the home immediately this morning and is staying elsewhere this week where he will not suspect. If he cannot find his kids it is likely he will come looking at my home, and I cannot fit any cars in my garage, so I cannot hide her car.
Of course, he has tons of guns, knives, a strong stun gun, all sorts of weapons. Even if ordered to do so, he is not going to get rid of any of them. Apparently the other woman he has been seeing (who was married), moved to Australia and it has set him off into a bad place.
Horrible.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
You know, Anvil said something a long time ago that rang so true to me.
In my first marriage, the marriage was the thing. We were the two that had become one and I was gonna save that sucker come hell or high water.
In my second marriage (and this is a paraphrase of what Anvil said), I don't have nearly that level of enmeshment. I love my husband to bits, but I don't feel the same obligation to do whatever it takes to stay together forever. I fully intend to grow old with him, but it's not "unconditional love" in that I would put up with anything. Neither do I expect him to. We know each other really well, warts and all, and the warts we have now are no big deals. But we are individuals choosing to be together, for as long as being together is enriching to both of us. Should the day come when we're harming each other, I don't think either one of us would drag our balls in the gravel to make it work at any price, kwim?
It sounds very unromantic, but it's so much healthier for me. To know that if this marriage should cease to be productive/fulfilling/helpful/soothing/fun/loving -- we can split.
In my first marriage, the marriage was the thing. We were the two that had become one and I was gonna save that sucker come hell or high water.
In my second marriage (and this is a paraphrase of what Anvil said), I don't have nearly that level of enmeshment. I love my husband to bits, but I don't feel the same obligation to do whatever it takes to stay together forever. I fully intend to grow old with him, but it's not "unconditional love" in that I would put up with anything. Neither do I expect him to. We know each other really well, warts and all, and the warts we have now are no big deals. But we are individuals choosing to be together, for as long as being together is enriching to both of us. Should the day come when we're harming each other, I don't think either one of us would drag our balls in the gravel to make it work at any price, kwim?
It sounds very unromantic, but it's so much healthier for me. To know that if this marriage should cease to be productive/fulfilling/helpful/soothing/fun/loving -- we can split.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Originally Posted by lillamy 
You know, Anvil said something a long time ago that rang so true to me.
In my first marriage, the marriage was the thing. We were the two that had become one and I was gonna save that sucker come hell or high water.
In my second marriage (and this is a paraphrase of what Anvil said), I don't have nearly that level of enmeshment. I love my husband to bits, but I don't feel the same obligation to do whatever it takes to stay together forever. I fully intend to grow old with him, but it's not "unconditional love" in that I would put up with anything. Neither do I expect him to. We know each other really well, warts and all, and the warts we have now are no big deals. But we are individuals choosing to be together, for as long as being together is enriching to both of us. Should the day come when we're harming each other, I don't think either one of us would drag our balls in the gravel to make it work at any price, kwim?
It sounds very unromantic, but it's so much healthier for me. To know that if this marriage should cease to be productive/fulfilling/helpful/soothing/fun/loving -- we can split.
In my first marriage, the marriage was the thing. We were the two that had become one and I was gonna save that sucker come hell or high water.
In my second marriage (and this is a paraphrase of what Anvil said), I don't have nearly that level of enmeshment. I love my husband to bits, but I don't feel the same obligation to do whatever it takes to stay together forever. I fully intend to grow old with him, but it's not "unconditional love" in that I would put up with anything. Neither do I expect him to. We know each other really well, warts and all, and the warts we have now are no big deals. But we are individuals choosing to be together, for as long as being together is enriching to both of us. Should the day come when we're harming each other, I don't think either one of us would drag our balls in the gravel to make it work at any price, kwim?
It sounds very unromantic, but it's so much healthier for me. To know that if this marriage should cease to be productive/fulfilling/helpful/soothing/fun/loving -- we can split.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
Hopeful, I am praying for everyone. It breaks my heart. Even in the best scenario, those poor girls have a lot to overcome. Hugs and prayers to them!
Lillamy, I think the best marriages are exactly what you describe. Not how I lived mine...I was hell or high water...but my sis has always been this way, and she has the best marriage I know. Sounds silly, but I think it might just be because they both know they have to be nice.
Lillamy, I think the best marriages are exactly what you describe. Not how I lived mine...I was hell or high water...but my sis has always been this way, and she has the best marriage I know. Sounds silly, but I think it might just be because they both know they have to be nice.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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OK, I'm sorry, that post about marriage was supposed to go on a whole other post -- I must not have had enough coffee today, or the server is randomly adding replies to whatever posts it wants. 
It seems like at total non-sequitur because it IS a total non sequitur.
It seems like at total non-sequitur because it IS a total non sequitur.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: somewhere south
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Oh my goodness, what an ordeal with your friend. Definite prayers for her and her family coming your way. Is CPS involved? Usually if Law Enforcement is involved then CPS is involved at least near me. In my state, if there are verified findings of physical abuse with a sibling then the non-offending parent usually gets temporary custody of the kids until the child abuse investigation is complete. Its considered a "safety plan". Perhaps CPS can get the other daughter from her dad for your friend. I work in this field.
I am glad to hear you are managing to move about a bit more. I am wishing you speedy recovery and a speedy divorce. Also glad your older DD was able to tell herdad how she really feels. That is so important.
Thanks for the update!!
I am glad to hear you are managing to move about a bit more. I am wishing you speedy recovery and a speedy divorce. Also glad your older DD was able to tell herdad how she really feels. That is so important.
Thanks for the update!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Thanks all. What's the saying, if it weren't for bad luck I would have no luck at all? On the way back to work from lunch today a lady hit my car. Here I am with a broken leg and she has a broken shoulder. Geez. Nicest lady, admitted fault at least.
O well, just another material thing that can be fixed. Thankfully neither my injury or hers was made worse.
Geez....it's definitely Monday!
O well, just another material thing that can be fixed. Thankfully neither my injury or hers was made worse.
Geez....it's definitely Monday!
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