Django

I wasn't going to post anything today and I was just going to lurk for a while, but I saw Hokey's thread about people relapsing helps to stay on the right path. So yes another relapse and a really bad one at that.

I'm scared of living and I honestly don't know what to do, sad really. Anyways I don't want to bore anyone but thought I would hopefully help others stay off the booze, it really is a horrible feeling and the pains are getting worse every time I drink.

Weasel1966

Django.... Posting through the pain is an important step. It was for me. It took me over a year and a half of posts that read like yours does.

People will post all sorts of sayings and words of encouragement. They help. Helped me anyway. But the thing that helped me the most was getting back at it in my heart. Forgiving myself was a big step in this fight.

Forgiving yourself doesn't mean you approve of what you did. But I found that without it beating myself up made it worse.

You will get there.... I did... The fact you are here posting means you want it. So get up and make it happen.

Ken

pauladmits

I feel you django. You're not boring anyone here. Post your feelings and stories away. Don't hold it in. Just realize you're not alone, it's brutal stuff. Wish you the best.

KAD

I said about a week and a half ago that each time I relapse I suffer a little bit more and get kicked in the face a little bit harder. I think I'm finally getting it that I cannot moderate. I cannot go back to drinking ever again. I have an uncle who quit over 40 years ago and is in his mid-80's now. He's my inspiration that this can be done. We can make it!

Luper

I'm glad you are here and posting....

I have relapsed several times, and yes, each time gets worse. There are so many people here that understand and will support you.

You can do this...just post away!

Dee74

Did Friday get you Django?

D

doggonecarl

You seem to be at that stage where you are unhappy sober and miserable drinking and sound despairing. Perhaps it is time to look at what you've been doing for your recovery. Or more importantly, look at what you haven't done or been willing to do and reconsider.

There is a way out of this,

PurpleKnight

Great job on posting, it's the best thing to do reaching out for support straight away!!

Many of us have been there, with the same feelings, so lean on SR when times are tough!!

charleesavedme

I'm glad you posted. There are people here with far more wisdom that me, but I'm certainly thinking of you and hope you can look at the situation and try to figure out what happened. I worried about you when I didn't see you on the weekenders thread. We all care here.

Raguse

I hate what alcohol does to the mind,

Sucks i know how your feeling

Django

I was temped when I went out Dee and I suppose it was probably going to happen because I'm obviously not strong enough. I got home and started exercising and my knee gave way. It was literally as if I couldn't stop myself and had no control.

So that night I went out with a few people and don't remember a thing. The following day I was out again and surprise, I get cocaine with a friend (not really a friend just someone to be with). Now I've been up nearly 3 days with no sleep.

Its going to be to late to come back on here because i'll end up killing myself doing this, so why can't I stop if its that simple?

countrysidegirl

Hang in there honey as others have said we have all relasped mine being 13 days ago you can get there you really can
All of us here are there for you if you find things tough feel free to message me im in the UK also

Its tough but does little by little get easier
Write down in a journal what the benefits of being sober are for you
Then all the negatives when drunk
Compare these
See if this helps
Join aa or another recovery group
Fingers crossed for you
Charlotte

Latte

You are in the right place.

I'm glad you are here. I can't speak for anyone else but I am glad you are here. Keep coming back. You are not alone.

countrysidegirl

You need to seriously look at this so called friend who gave you coke
Wake up
You need to stay away from people like that it isn't easy but there not your friends they will drag you down
Your bound to feel like death , alcohol is a depressant
Get something to eat and have a sleep to help clear your head

nmd

It's worth struggling to get sober, I'm glad you are still here. Weekends are treacherous get some rest.

Dee74

I think it's only simple on the other side of it, Django.
Where you are it can be confusing and very contradictory.

It's important to get help and good guidance I think - have you been back to a meeting or called anyone?

D

Hawkeye13

Don't ever give up Django

Change your game plan, add more support, and try again.

I had to keep trying for years until I finally had the internal focus to really make it non-negotiable.

I learned from those other times and so can you. I'm glad you're posting.

Nuudawn

((((DJango))))
I hit a landslide on Friday myself.
In a couple of my last episodes of drinking...ya I got mixed up with that too.

So hey...guess what? You have just learned...this is not what you want. You do not want to be where you are right now right? It ain't lovely...it's really, really scary.

I learned on Friday...well...saturday I guess...that NOTHING is more important than my sobriety. After my relapse I realized I wanted sobriety bad. I wanted sobriety even more than I wanted it before Friday.
And I do.
I have a feeling...you too will feel this way.
I really do.
You will straighten up...and you WILL soldier on.

If anything...I realized that this sobriety thing...is a gift..and it's huge.
I ain't letting go of your hand.
You're coming back. You're going to get some sleep..eventually.
You're going to wake up sober....ahhhhhhhh...you will be right back in sobriety.
And you are free to stay there.
See how that works?
Thinking of you....

biminiblue

You are worth life, my friend.

God/the Universe/Higher Power/Allah/Buddha/SR Power/whoever meets us where we are and is always waiting to restore us to health as soon as we are ready.

Don't pick up today. Just today. You can do that.

I care about you and I am glad you are here and posting. That helps to figure things out.

Django

Sorry for revisiting an old thread. I just wanted to say thank you for the replies.