whiskeyjoe

While doing my 4th, an old employer came up that I had major resentments against. I work in a professional environment. While working for this person I came to find out that he was engaging in activities that would put my license at risk. I paid a lot more in taxes because he never put me on payroll and I had to declare myself as self-employed. There was a few other things as well, but you get the idea.

I decided not to report him to the state board and the IRS because in my mind that was revenge. I just wanted to get away from him and start over. I covered my butt by making sure all my I's were dotted and my T's were crossed and I left.

The resentments were really eating me up, so when it came time to do a 4th I put him on there. Doing my 8th, my sponsor suggested putting him on there to make amends to. When I asked him why I was the one making amends he said it had more to do with letting go fully of the resentment thus cleaning up my side of the street. He suggested calling him to thank him for giving me a job as a show of gratitude.

I don't know. This doesn't seem like it fits in with a 9th step. I thought a 9th step was about cleaning up the wreckage of our past by correcting the things I did wrong to others.

Does this sound like a good idea to you?

sugarbear1

nothing wrong with thanking someone

maybe you will feel better!

FlyerFan

I agree. If you still think about him in the back of your mind, you gotta let that go somehow. Maybe you can write him a letter?

SnoozyQ

I disagree . IMO you have already moved on and let him go .

Gottalife

There is another way to deal with this resentment. Pray about it, pray for the good fortune of the man. Pray for the right thought or action, or an inspiration.

I had a stinker of a resentment. I prayed for two weeks as suggested, it didn't go. I continued praying and the answer came. I had to make amends for my part.

I don't know if you should make amends or not in this case, but if you pray about it, I am sure an answer will come to you.

Ken33xx

At present do you still carry a resentment over what happened?

If so, I would suggest doing what your sponsor asks.

If not, forget it.

whiskeyjoe

After thinking about this I realized that the guy did show me one thing at work that was very valuable to me and is something I can use later on in life in my line of business. I am very grateful for that.

Maybe calling him and just expressing that gratitude might be warranted.

Carlotta

I tend to agree with Gottalife, just pray and ask your HP to help you let go of that resentment.

WMJ1012

Great question, Joe.
The instructions are clear. If we caused harm we make an amends.
Anything else is just looking for relief.

In your writing did you see your part was not leaving sooner, this allowing resentment to build? Or maybe you agreed to terms that weren't honest then blamed him?
It's in looking at our part and seeing how to operate in the future that we become free.

If there's other stuff, if you self-seeked through gossip or other behaviors, then that is a whole other ballgame that needs to be discussed.

WMJ1012

In reading my response again i want to clarify that ONLY if we cause harm do we make amends.
Hope that clears anything up I mistyped

2bHelpful

You did not harm them - you do not owe an amends. On top of this, I would find a new sponsor who doesn't contort the meanings of the Steps. You can no longer trust this sponsor's guidance.

It would not have been wrong to report the employer if he was breaking the law. Since you didn't, he will probably continue to victimize others. This is a point of weakness I see frequently in AA "spirituality" - a "do nothing" bias. That said, I don't know all the facts. I wish you well! (It really just comes down to God and you.)

WMJ1012

Who's in charge?
God or me?
I can only control my own actions and walk away
The universe does take care of whatever else it needs to