scintillady

Well, I've made it to day 35 thanks to the antabuse. Most of the time I'm resigned to not drinking any more, but this weekend was a struggle. Since I know that I can't drink under any circumstances, that is not the problem. The problem now is that I'm bored and still dealing with my depression. I went off the meds a while ago since I knew they weren't right for me when I was drinking. Now the inertia and boredom has prevented me from finding a new psychiatrist to get me back on track with them. I've also been putting off going back to the gym to combat some of this weight gain I've had in the past couple of years, so I feel disgusted with myself and that is adding to the depression. At least I'm not drinking, and I can be proud of that, although some would say that I'm "cheating" by taking the antabuse. Whatever it takes, I say. I know I wouldn't have made it this far if not for the med, and now I can concentrate on trying to deal with the depression with a clear mind so hopefully any meds I get put on will work better.

PurpleKnight

Great job on Day 35!!

After a while of clocking up some Sobriety time, I was then able to look at the wider picture, the other things in life I wanted to sort out, the first month is still early days, eventually you'll feel like taking on the rest of the world!!

Boudicca

Congratulations and well done on 35 days! I am only on 21, so you are inspiring me right now. I really identify with what you have written. For me, the depression existed before the drinking. (I initially started drinking to self-medicate, like many of us.) Alcohol worked well for a long time, until it didn't work anymore. By then it was too late. It is important that you find another PDoc soon. Get back on the meds and give them time to work. I'm sure you know from experience that if you don't deal with the depression, you are more likely to go back to the alcohol as a means of coping. It is such a vicious cycle, we have to break it.

I am sending you encouragement.