ALittleBitCrazy

Tonight, my AH took off in the middle of the night, I assume to go sleep at his apartment (we have a rental property with an empty apartment he's been using when not with me).

I don't even know how to feel - except terribly sad & guilty for everything.

Last fall, I told my AH I was leaving, with our kids, because of his drinking. He stopped drinking for 5 months, was a dry drunk most of that time, in my opinion. He started drinking again when I "drove him to it" with my "infidelity" this spring, just stopped again a few days ago (with an ER visit to deal with his near-seizures)…weeks after HIS family and I had an intervention for him, requesting he go to treatment (he flat out refused). He did say he had an appointment for an intake a week or two ago, but cancelled it last minute and wouldn't go because he can do this on his own, it has to be his decision, he's "already doing so much". (He does go to a SMART Recovery group weekly, and he's been seeing a doctor for health issues, and a shrink monthly). Even the doctor at the ER told him he should do more, maybe go to detox - but he chose to risk seizures at home with me and his kids rather than getting medical help, even for a night at the hospital.

Tonight, just a few days after he had stopped drinking, again, I woke up to discover he just took off after I fell asleep, leaving me a text from him, which was a photo of his hand minus his wedding ring and the one word message, "congratulations". He has left all his stuff, and today is his oldest kid's birthday celebration, so I know he will be back - but I still feel so horribly guilty right now, like I have caused all of this, even though I know I didn't make him drink. This after two nights of us fighting after the kids were asleep, him telling me I was the reason he started drinking in the first place, how wrong all my behavior is, etc.

He says his main issue with me is that I have sought advice and comfort from everyone but him regarding our marriage, that I don't want to make things better, just want to spread his private life and business everywhere to make myself feel better about my own behavior. He pulled out the "big guns" in terms of meanness night before last - was as cutting as he could be - but then gave me this song and dance about us needing to just be able to rely on each other. He says he wants to do better but that he just can't trust me anymore - REALLY?!? - at least in large part because I helped stage this intervention (which his family would have had with or without me, to be truthful), because I seek support and comfort from friends and here.

I don't even know what to do or why I want to "do" anything. If he's gone, he's gone - I should just be relieved, right? But I feel SO guilty! I know that is probably exactly what he wants - and it's working. How do I stop feeling so sad, confused and GUILTY, guilty, guilty?

Hawkeye13

I reread your posts, and I think the first thing(s) I would do is 1)see a lawyer / separate finances, change the locks, and arrange a time for him to pick up his things.
Text him you are going no contact except for child-related issues.

If you have joint savings, etc. others here can tell you that he may clean those out if he hasn't already. Protect yourself and your kids.

This person has been torturing you emotionally for months, invading your privacy, and
sneaking alcohol without working recovery.

Get a therapy appointment scheduled if you don't already have one to start processing this. You have done nothing wrong, he continues to gaslight and blame you big time.
I'm sorry you've had to go through this.