wanttohelp85

I don't know how to start this so please work with me. I moved in with my boyfriend about 6 years ago and his drinking has gotten worse and worse. He used to tell me that i was not important and that i was just a child (he is 15 years older then me and divorced) because i don't pay bills except the electric bill (but every time i would try to give him money he would tell me that he didn't want my money because he wanted to take care of me and my son.) I used to cry when he would say all this but now i just let it go in one ear and out the other. we both lost our jobs in December and he was able to get another job but i still have not been able to find one. so when he gets drunk i hear about how im not even trying to find a job and it kills me because not only am i constantly looking up jobs and taking care of my son from a previous relationship and his son from a previous marriage(his son is only with us on the weekends) but the one job i could have gotten( they told me to go back to meet the person i would be working for) i had to skip the second interview to be with his son because his work called last minute and needed him to come in. Tonight he told me that he would not go to my sons birthday party tomorrow because i said he was drunk. I still think there is hope for us but i don't know what to do. sometimes he just hurts me so bad with the things he says.

ReadyAtLast

I'm sorry you're going through such pain. The only thing you can do is decide how much longer you are prepared to put up with his abuse. You can't stop him drinking and nothing in your post indicates he thinks he has a problem or wants to stop drinking. Nothing will change until he quits.

He will continue to abuse you and treat you like this for as long as you put up with it. I hope you leave him. This is no life for you nor any way for your son to grow up seeing his mother being abused.

Dee74

Hi wanttohelp - welcome

Personally I think verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse - it might even be worse in some ways.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ening-you.html


I can't tell you what to do, but I know you'll find support and understanding here.

This link has a lot of good reading. I hope you'll dip into it
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...c-reading.html
D

wanttohelp85

thank you both for those kind words. its bitter sweet that there are people out there who know what i feel. it feels good that people can relate to what is happening but its horrible that there are so many people who go through it. i will go to those links DEE74 and ready at last, he knows he has a drinking problem. He will have months where he wont drink then he starts up again. I think that's why its so hard to just give up on us.

KAD

Hi and welcome. He's tearing you down and you don't deserve that. You sound like a good and supportive woman and you deserve someone who reciprocates. He sounds like he's caught up in his drinking and doesn't even acknowledge how much damage it is causing to himself and to his relationship with you and the kids involved. I can't tell you what to do but it pains me to hear that you continue to tolerate his abuse. I would get out of that situation, especially if he is unwilling to even consider changing his behavior.

IOAA2

Hi. Your in a difficult position and I can only suggest going to local Al Anon meetingS and on this site reading Friends and Families of alcoholics. These are places for YOUR help and sanity, though in the beginning you may hear suggestions you can’t accept, it takes time.

BE WELL

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

Getting support for yourself is important, because he won't change unless he wants to, so you have to look after yourself with support, it's a very difficult situation!!

Nuudawn

I'm so sorry you are hurting and having to endure a life that is likely making you question your own sanity.
Please contact the support identified by Dee. Please get support for yourself so that you may open your lovely eyes and realize this isn't the way it's supposed to be.

No...you are not alone.