Needinghelp82

One of my friends is getting married tomorrow. I didn't go on the hen night as I was worried about being tempted but I cannot not go to the actual wedding (we grew up together).

As with most weddings people will be drinking alcohol for the vast majority of the day/evening. I remember my own wedding where my mother in law, who very rarely drinks, got drunk (as she did at my brother in laws wedding a year later).

It's about an hour away so hubby and I have agreed I will drive. I've not driven far though since becoming sober (only on day 22) so this worries me. Hubby will probably have a pint which will help - if he has a drink then I have to drive us home as there is no space in the hotel to stay over.

My friends won't ask questions about me drinking as I have the driving 'excuse' but I am worried about being around people drinking a lot.

Has anyone been in a similar situation so soon into recovery?

ScottFromWI

I would recommend attending the wedding and skipping the reception/drinking part. It's perfectly acceptable and the ceremony is the most important part of the day. Frankly the reception is so busy that the wedding party barely has a chance to catch up with themselves, much less notice who is there and who is not.

If you are worried about being around people who are drinking you probably shouldn't be if you are early in sobriety.

PurpleKnight

I was at my Sister's wedding 2 weeks ago, Saturday 7th June!!

I had to go, was roped into a speech too!!

Anyways, a few things that kept me sane around the bar:
-There will always be people at a wedding not drinking, talk to them for most of the night, there was a girl pregnant, there was another girl due to religious beliefs who didn't drink, I easily passed a few hours chatting to them.
-Toasts to the bride and groom, it is ok to have a non alcoholic drink, we had the option of some sparkling lemonade or champagne, so don't worry about it.
-Have a drink in hand at all times, it stops people offering drinks or topping your glass up with the free wine, having a non alcoholic drink will cut all of those conversations out about rounds etc.
-Don't be afraid to go outside for some fresh air, I disappeared a few times, which no one noticed, as many others were drunk, so of course they didn't notice.
-Have a pre planned escape plan, when are you going to leave? what's the exit strategy, it was my Sister's wedding but I was in bed pretty early to be honest.

I saved my last bit of advice for last . . . ENJOY yourself, kick back and enjoy being Sober, enjoy the wedding, others will wake up with a hangover, you will be fresh the next day and remember every bit of it, I remember my speech, my dance with my sister, dancing with my mum, dancing with my brother in law's mum, and talking to many interesting and cool people that I had never met before!!

ENJOY it!!

doggonecarl

No one drinks at the wedding. Only the reception. So, as Scott suggested, go to the wedding, skip the reception.

I went to a wedding/reception at nine months sober, and found it difficult.

Jupiters

the bride and groom are so busy at the reception saying hello to everyone, they probably won't even notice!
maybe talk to your friend privately to congratulate her/them if you can and leave?

Needinghelp82

They've paid for the three of us for the reception and evening party. I would feel bad not going, especially as she just text the other day making sure I was going to the whole day.

I think I will be fine not drinking - I'm not having any cravings - but I don't want to put myself in a position where there is a lot of alcohol flowing.

It's difficult. I don't want to fail this time.

Thank you, I will speak to hubby and decide what to do.

Jupiters

good luck! it's great that you have your hubby there to help you get through this!!

Mountainmanbob

Many if not most never even take notice that we are not drinking. It seems to be much more on our minds than on theirs.

On this types of occasions I always have a door of escape. Remember that you can leave the party and take a little walk outside any time you wish. And
guess what ? Probably for that short while no one is even going to miss you.

Mountainman

applecake

I went to a boozy family wedding two weekends ago, enjoyed the evening, and woke up without a hangover the next day. It can be done!

Even though I wasn't in the wedding party, I found a way to make myself useful before and after the ceremony. I used my camera to break the ice with folks and get some snapshots of guests that the professional photographer most likely missed. (This took care of a lot of the mingling, which I had been dreading.) I later offered these to the bride and her mother. I also tended to my grandparents, who weren't drinking but needed a little help navigating the uneven floors.

Like others have suggested, keep a drink in your hand at all times. I made a beeline for the water before anyone had a chance to offer me anything different. Champagne was passed out for the toasts, but I just set it on a table and stuck with the water.

My date and I agreed beforehand that we would leave as soon as the cake was cut. We ate dinner, mingled a bit, and boogied before things got too crazy. We were home in bed before the party ended.

Just take some time to think about how you will handle a few things and plan your escape. You've got this, Needinghelp.

GwenCummings

I was going to suggest taking photos. That's my failsafe for a boozy do, otherwise it can be really boring.

Play with the kids, eat a LOT, go out and check on the sunset, dance, post on here. Talk the reception staff into making you a coffee. Plan some music to play in the car, especially for the journey home.

Take a box of photos of your friend over the years and share them with friends, annoy the heck out of the DJ with endless requests, take some knitting(!), practice looking as good at the end of the evening as you did at the beginning.

Think back to other occasions when you were drunk and made a mess of things. Thank the world that it isn't you tonight.

Plan something nice for Sunday morning. You won't have a hangover.

GwenCummings

........

MIRecovery

I remember the same post a few years ago. The poster ended up in jail because he had to go to the reception.

Then went on a month long binge. I have said a few prayers for him and hope he found sobriety

DowntownNYC

I dealt with my best friend's weeding three weeks in too! I had no choice but to attend EVERYTHING, including boozy rehearsal dinner, pre-wedding toasts and the ceremony.

I drank a LOT of diet coke and sparkling water.

A couple times during the course of the night I wanted to leave badly; I felt excluded and like I did not belong. I forced myself to talk to people who seemed similarly on the "outskirts" at that point. Some of them didn't have drinks in hand (even though I know they drink); I really enjoyed talking to them...I think they were the ones who don't like to drink more than a couple drinks over the course of the night, so were basically only slightly buzzed at most.

I guess I was surprised that not every one was hammered, but I think you'll be surprised that a number of people just go through these things like you. What surprised the most was that it was still really fun.

ultradad

Just remember the 'why's you stopped drinking and consider the consequences if you were to pickup again! Have a plan of action if the craving to drinks hits hard...

Good luck!

flossyfressia

Hi-I'm in a similar situation. My best friend gets married in 2 weeks and I've been on 2 hen do'a (she's had 3!) and not drunk now. Both times I drove.

The wedding will be more difficult. I'm a bridesmaid so staying the night before with her so I think I'll just say I want to feel fresh for the day. On the actual wedding day I'm not sure if anybody will notice me not drinking-if they do, my "excuse" is an early drive home due to
Tour de France going through my town the following day and road closures etc.

I'd love to just be honest but I don't feel
as if I can. My close family know why I've stopped but everybody else just assumes I'm pregnant! Nobody believes me when I say I'm not either.

Stay strong-imagine how great you're going to feel on Sunday knowing you'll have got through it alcohol free!

Dee74

It's getting so I don;t know what to say to these 'I have to' posts.

You don't have to do anything needinghelp.
Showing up at the wedding and then making your excuses would be perfectly acceptable.

The bride and groom will be so busy and preoccupied I really doubt you'll be missed.

If you feel bad about the money, pay them back.

I know - I sound like a hard ass - but I really believe sometimes you have to go to extreme measures to protect your recovery.

It needs to be that important to you.

I had to be all in, commitment wise, or I'd have been lost.

D

Needinghelp82

Thanks everyone.

We've decided to go but leave as soon as the meal is done. I'm going to have sparkling water and ignore any drink offers - my daughter will be with me so it will be easy enough. Hubby is not going to drink either.

ReadyAtLast

I hope it goes well. I think you're making the right decision to leave early. The only thing you have to do is what is best for you. Have a lovely day

GwenCummings

You have forced me to look at my own upcoming event. I am scheduled to go to a wedding in early July. 2 nights booked in a hotel, beautiful countryside.

I do not HAVE to go. Usually I attend these events and make a show of myself. I don't understand why i am still invited actually.

I choose to go, to walk, spend time with my husband, attend the service and the meal then take an early night away from the silly drinking. I shall rise early and walk before breakfast.

XX

Needinghelp82

We are due to leave in an hour. I'm more worried about the driving than people drinking! We will be leaving early and I have so much work to do this weekend.

We will wish them well, eat and then make our excuses.