So angry and frustrated
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
So angry and frustrated
I live in Canada and want to take my daughter to a non-commercial event in the US, her addicted dad won't sign the permission letter for me to take her because he thinks he is dying. I am so angry and frustrated. I feel so defeated.
There is a chance I can go see someone at duty counsel tomorrow and have them help me get this in front of a judge next week to possibly make it happen. It's just such an ordeal...and I am not sure the judge will give me the permission as the event is not exactly an ordinary family event. I hate the idea of presenting this to the judge but I hate the idea of not going even worse.
My ex is very sick, he was clean from Heroin for nearly 10 years when he got diagnosed with severe emphysema 5 years ago, he relapsed a few months later. His lungs are shot. He was hospitalized in april and has not been well since. I don't think he is dying and whether he is or not he is hooked on dope and we can't live with him. He abandoned us when he chose drugs and now he is holding us hostage. Again. He is not even seeing a doctor!
This is what I want: I want to go camping with my daughter, camping at an event where I won't have to cook much or at all, there will be a lot of other kids and no drinking. As a mom I need that.
I need to get her away from the TV, spend lots of time outside, take a bit of a road trip , get out of our routine...
This event is the perfect place for us, I will have to hike our gear in but I won't have to worry about food other than snacks and probably won't have to cook. And I have a few friends we might see though that's not our main reason to go.
A little girl we met there last year is going too! The girls are looking forward to seeing each other! (they are only 4!)
The ex is all "why can't you go next year?". Well life is not a video game. You don't just press pause. Every single day I have to care for my daughter. I am a single mom and I am so f*****g alone though I do have a few friends.
Even when I feel like going for a long walk on a nice evening I have to take our girl home and put her to bed. Even when I feel like going on a bike ride after she is asleep, i have to sit on my ass and stay home unless I have a babysitter for a few hours which I have to pay at least $12/hr. Every hour of every day I have to take care for our daughter. Why can't he get that and just sign the damn letter.
He won't die during the week we are away. Or it's unlikely anyways.
I have been so stressed out about this I am experiencing pain (possibly painful bladder syndrome).
Sure I have been obsessing about this trip but that's the only plan I have for all summer. I am sure we'll go car camping a few times but that's way better than car camping.
At least if he could propose us alternatives...
Honestly the only alternatives I can think of are a few weeks in France or Germany which would cost a lot more money and take us away from our home even longer so that doesn't even make sense but I DO NEED SOME RELIEF, SOME HELP.
There is a chance I can go see someone at duty counsel tomorrow and have them help me get this in front of a judge next week to possibly make it happen. It's just such an ordeal...and I am not sure the judge will give me the permission as the event is not exactly an ordinary family event. I hate the idea of presenting this to the judge but I hate the idea of not going even worse.
My ex is very sick, he was clean from Heroin for nearly 10 years when he got diagnosed with severe emphysema 5 years ago, he relapsed a few months later. His lungs are shot. He was hospitalized in april and has not been well since. I don't think he is dying and whether he is or not he is hooked on dope and we can't live with him. He abandoned us when he chose drugs and now he is holding us hostage. Again. He is not even seeing a doctor!
This is what I want: I want to go camping with my daughter, camping at an event where I won't have to cook much or at all, there will be a lot of other kids and no drinking. As a mom I need that.
I need to get her away from the TV, spend lots of time outside, take a bit of a road trip , get out of our routine...
This event is the perfect place for us, I will have to hike our gear in but I won't have to worry about food other than snacks and probably won't have to cook. And I have a few friends we might see though that's not our main reason to go.
A little girl we met there last year is going too! The girls are looking forward to seeing each other! (they are only 4!)
The ex is all "why can't you go next year?". Well life is not a video game. You don't just press pause. Every single day I have to care for my daughter. I am a single mom and I am so f*****g alone though I do have a few friends.
Even when I feel like going for a long walk on a nice evening I have to take our girl home and put her to bed. Even when I feel like going on a bike ride after she is asleep, i have to sit on my ass and stay home unless I have a babysitter for a few hours which I have to pay at least $12/hr. Every hour of every day I have to take care for our daughter. Why can't he get that and just sign the damn letter.
He won't die during the week we are away. Or it's unlikely anyways.
I have been so stressed out about this I am experiencing pain (possibly painful bladder syndrome).
Sure I have been obsessing about this trip but that's the only plan I have for all summer. I am sure we'll go car camping a few times but that's way better than car camping.
At least if he could propose us alternatives...
Honestly the only alternatives I can think of are a few weeks in France or Germany which would cost a lot more money and take us away from our home even longer so that doesn't even make sense but I DO NEED SOME RELIEF, SOME HELP.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
February, it must be very frustrating that he has the power to say no to a trip that really appeals to you. It must be hard to contemplate giving that up. Do you ever say the serenity prayer? Maybe it would be worth spending some time thinking about whether not being able to go on this trip falls under things you can change or things you can't? If going before a judge is not worth the time and hassle to you and this is therefore a thing you can't change, then maybe you can regain your serenity by thinking of a different trip that you would also enjoy? There must be a few fun things to do in Canada, eh? 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
There are a lot of awesome things to do anywhere but I can't think of one free or low cost event (preferably outdoors) where I don't have to cook for a week and we still eat lots of delicious food while wandering around somewhere new and different feeling very stimulated, meeting a lot of new people (Kids!) and getting way more exercise than usual.
Car camping is not my thing, I especially can't stand the loud drinking week-end crowd.
I would love to hear options for easy outdoorsy vacations for a single mom of a 4 year old who is quite alone with her.
I have been saying the serenity prayers a lot this week, it has been a long time since I have said it this much. I really need an Al-Anon meeting which I might be able to get one in the morning if I can get my kid up early enough to take her to daycare the moment they open.
I hardly slept because of this. I'll need a lot of coffee today! but that really hurts my bladder!
How old are your kids jjj111 and what did YOU do with them when they were little?
Car camping is not my thing, I especially can't stand the loud drinking week-end crowd.
I would love to hear options for easy outdoorsy vacations for a single mom of a 4 year old who is quite alone with her.
I have been saying the serenity prayers a lot this week, it has been a long time since I have said it this much. I really need an Al-Anon meeting which I might be able to get one in the morning if I can get my kid up early enough to take her to daycare the moment they open.
I hardly slept because of this. I'll need a lot of coffee today! but that really hurts my bladder!
How old are your kids jjj111 and what did YOU do with them when they were little?
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
Hey February, I see your point--you probably won't find another vacation just like this one! But maybe if you try to keep your expectations flexible, you can think of other ways to have a great time with your daughter? I guess it depends on what your budget for vacation is. Can you afford to stay someplace for a few nights? If so, maybe you can find a place that includes at least breakfast and has a dining spot on site? I don't have children, wish I did, but I hear that a lot of folks in this area with kids take them to water parks in the summer? If you can't afford a few nights staying somewhere, maybe you can plan days trips that you and your daughter would enjoy? It does sound from your post like you are just exhausted from caring for your daughter and dealing with her father and his health problems, and that you need some support. Maybe you can find meetings with child care? Or if you have the resources, maybe putting her in day care a couple days a week would allow you to have some me time? (Are you a stay-at-home Mom?)
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
When my kids were young, there used to be groups of parents - moms usually - who would exchange babysitting times with each other. It was great - everybody got adult time by themselves, you made friends with people with similar situations, and you had playdates for your child.
It can be overwhelming to be a single parent, and it might help to seek out resources.
ShootingStar1
It can be overwhelming to be a single parent, and it might help to seek out resources.
ShootingStar1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
I have a great time with my daughter everyday.We do outings all the time, picnics and splash parks and whatever summer fiesta is going on.
I guess I need something more. Like seeing some incredibly beautiful landscapes that are totally different than what's around here. Like walking in the woods everyday.
There is only one meeting with childcare around here and i am missing it right now as I am running a little late bringing her to daycare. I try to put her in daycare one to two days a week but I have to find a daycare that works better for us, the one she goes to I have to register at 1pm wednesday for the next week and I sometimes forget which means no daycare the following week which totally sucks.
Yes I am a full time mom.
I guess I need something more. Like seeing some incredibly beautiful landscapes that are totally different than what's around here. Like walking in the woods everyday.
There is only one meeting with childcare around here and i am missing it right now as I am running a little late bringing her to daycare. I try to put her in daycare one to two days a week but I have to find a daycare that works better for us, the one she goes to I have to register at 1pm wednesday for the next week and I sometimes forget which means no daycare the following week which totally sucks.
Yes I am a full time mom.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
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I live in Canada and want to take my daughter to a non-commercial event in the US, her addicted dad won't sign the permission letter for me to take her because he thinks he is dying. I am so angry and frustrated. I feel so defeated.
"Oh, you're dying. What can we do to help? Are your affairs in order? Is your will up to date? What should we tell our daughter?" And then see what he says. If he's as full of sh*t as you think he is, it might be fun to watch him squirm.
With that attempt at dark, twisted humor aside...
I'd go to court on principle. It's summer. You have an opportunity to spend quality time with your daugther. And a sick parent, who has a lengthy history of addiction and is currently in active addiction, is being unreasonable. Which begs the question: if he can't make the best decisions for himself, then how can he possibly make the best decisions for his daughter?
Do you what you think is best, February.
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Location: British columbia
Posts: 128
I went to Hawaii and I got my bf to write a letter saying he gives permission for my daughter to enter the country and they never even checked it. I asked if they wanted to see it and the guy said no.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
He is very sick. He did write a new will and put his affairs in order as much as he could.
And he could die. Or live another few years. It is very sad and if he wasn't using I think I would feel more compassion. Or if I didn't have a small child. There is just not a lot I can do for him in this situation. Unless I call for an ambulance again and see if his condition is bad enough for them to transport him. Even if they do transport him they will take him to that really ****** hospital.
Because he is using AND because his impression is that they can't do anything for him he is refusing to seek out medical care. And maybe his impression is right. When he was hospitalized in April they sure didn't do much other than take his vitals and hand him his puffers. It was the week-end and it seemed they were waiting for monday but then I took him home. The plan was to go to another hospital but once he was home he didn't want to go , his condition had improved and he had antibiotics and steroids at home to continue the treatment they gave him in the hospital. The small hospital closest to his house was awful. They treated him really bad.
He has these attacks where he can't breathe and then he is ok.
During these "attacks" he ends up laying on the floor and sometimes lose control of his bowels. The thing is even in the hospital all they did was give him his puffers.
The puffers help a bit except when he is in one of these attack he can barely breathe so not much of the stuff goes in his lungs.
I asked him to please go see a doctor. And to please let me come with him.
The fact that he doesn't have a doctor makes it very hard.
I was looking at the list of doctors accepting new patients and some of the doctors on there are just awful. One was suspended a few times for feeling up his female patients. Actually 2 were temporarily suspended for feeling up their female patients.
One my ex saw years ago at the walk-in clinic when he had blood in his semen (his semen was pink red) and the doctor instead of telling him it was probably just a broken blood vessel told him he most have had sex with me during my period without noticing!!!
So, it's real and it's complicated.
I didn't make it to the courthouse yesterday. I decided it was more important/urgent to get groceries.
And he could die. Or live another few years. It is very sad and if he wasn't using I think I would feel more compassion. Or if I didn't have a small child. There is just not a lot I can do for him in this situation. Unless I call for an ambulance again and see if his condition is bad enough for them to transport him. Even if they do transport him they will take him to that really ****** hospital.
Because he is using AND because his impression is that they can't do anything for him he is refusing to seek out medical care. And maybe his impression is right. When he was hospitalized in April they sure didn't do much other than take his vitals and hand him his puffers. It was the week-end and it seemed they were waiting for monday but then I took him home. The plan was to go to another hospital but once he was home he didn't want to go , his condition had improved and he had antibiotics and steroids at home to continue the treatment they gave him in the hospital. The small hospital closest to his house was awful. They treated him really bad.
He has these attacks where he can't breathe and then he is ok.
During these "attacks" he ends up laying on the floor and sometimes lose control of his bowels. The thing is even in the hospital all they did was give him his puffers.
The puffers help a bit except when he is in one of these attack he can barely breathe so not much of the stuff goes in his lungs.
I asked him to please go see a doctor. And to please let me come with him.
The fact that he doesn't have a doctor makes it very hard.
I was looking at the list of doctors accepting new patients and some of the doctors on there are just awful. One was suspended a few times for feeling up his female patients. Actually 2 were temporarily suspended for feeling up their female patients.
One my ex saw years ago at the walk-in clinic when he had blood in his semen (his semen was pink red) and the doctor instead of telling him it was probably just a broken blood vessel told him he most have had sex with me during my period without noticing!!!
So, it's real and it's complicated.
I didn't make it to the courthouse yesterday. I decided it was more important/urgent to get groceries.
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