Stung

My husband smells like BO. It's not the alcohol smell but it might as well be by the way I'm reacting to it. I keep telling myself to calm down but holy crap I'm trying so hard to not be rude and be all over his side of the street and not go into aggressive victim momma bear mode.

What do you do when you're triggered? This hasn't happened to me before and I'm feeling like I'm in no mans land here. When our kids are down for the night I'm going to very calmly ask him to shower and then gently suggest that he use an industrial strength deodorant for the rest of the summer.

Hammer

Yeah, they can mess themselves up as far as their own physiology and able to digest / process food.

When AWtf came back from Rehab (eating disorder) they had her eating 5 meals a day . . . including a LOT of different beans . . . yunno where THIS is heading.

Fart City.

The kids would laugh about and some nights I would wake up with my eyes watering.

Kept those blankets down tight.

Stung

That is hilarious! I don't think I'm going to get Dutch Oven'd tonight but thanks for the tip and the laugh!

LoveMeNow

Buy him Mitchum deodorant. If that doesn't work, ask him to see his doctor.

Seren

Perhaps a calm conversation about it? "Honey, I don't think you are aware, but...."

I'm hoping he showers daily?

suncatcher

I remember my xabf wearing the same clothes and not showering for a week! Usually he would get cleaned up on Sunday to go to his weekly turkey shoot with his bar buddies. I guess he wanted to impress them? So glad I don't deal with that bs anymore.

jacrazz

This post is hysterical!! I wouldn't consider you being all on his side if the street though. Idk, I would expect for my loved one to tell me if I stink or let me know if I have a bat in the cave.
lmao

Blossom717

after you talk to your husband, can you talk to my ABF? shewwwww

Man only showers when he goes to a poker game! He once bought a 3 pack of bars of soap....put the unopened box in his shower.
..."Hunny, I'm pretty sure that's not how that works...."

POAndrea

Too funny Blossom! Years ago, one of my pre-teen Little Sisters had a real reluctance to bathe and was teased at school because of her BO. Since she told me every time we visited how much she liked my perfume, I bought her a little bottle of it, along with the matching bar of soap. When I next saw her, she had sprayed the heck out of the perfume, but it was apparent she hadn't used the soap quite so liberally. So I asked her about it, and she told me she unwrapped the bar and put it in her underwear drawer so her panties would smell nice.

Florence

Are you sure it's BO? That was one of my major hints that my AH was drinking again. His body stopped metabolizing it and it smelled. A lot.

Also, greasy lank hair. Weirdly, that one became the dead giveaway.

FireSprite

Mine too. It was so bad that even his laundry was just rank from the stench & his BO was a problem whether he was drinking that day or not.

That's one thing I do NOT miss, so gross!

FireSprite

Stung - are you talking about being triggered by something because it is a trigger FOR YOU that isn't necessarily tripped as a result of his drinking even if it stems from that behavior originally?

Like - I used to freak out at the credit card bill every month because there would always be frivolous charges by then-AH because his impulse spending was out of control when he drank. So even after I had separated our finances, I still had a panic attack every month when the damn bill arrived. I started using a different card, switched to paperless, etc.... I changed the trigger.

When I am triggered by RAH I straight up tell him - hey, I'm triggering, I don't expect you to understand the reasons *why* but I'm being open & communicating it to you instead of acting like an jerk about it/getting a tone/etc.

lillamy

With something like that, I would tell him like I would tell anyone else in my family.
I have a teen suffering from depression who in periods will not step into the shower unless told. I've been very blunt with her in the past; now all I have to say is "you need to take a shower" and she gets it.

I suck at dealing with being triggered. It's like I can't see it coming so I get blindsided every time. So the honest answer to your question is "Usually, I get an anxiety attack and cry hysterically" but I don't think that's particularly helpful?

MissFixit

There was a very acidic bitter metallic smell my ex had. I think it had to do w alcohol but i was never sure. It made me want to puke. Ex always showered but it was still there at times.

CodeJob

Codependent Biblical Job Trigger Reactions
1. Read SR/Write on SR F&F Section
2. Find Hammer's Posts: crack up or wonder what planet he is on when he's out there...
3. Read SR Alcoholic sections: Practice some Gratitude
4. Try to Talk to RAH openly and honestly
5. If that doesn't work, tease him mercilessly and send him weird text messages.
6. Try a sexual advance to practice rejection
7. Meditate
8. Text my sponsor or call her or go to a meeting or write down my feelings
9. Read
10. Try to fall asleep by meditating

KateL

I have to chase my 13 year old grandson around with a can of deodorant. They're awful at that age xc

Stung

Ha! Lil'Amy, that was pretty much how I felt at first, like I was going to melt down but I was gonna take him down with me.

His drinking smell is pungent and distinct. This wasn't the booze smell. Although he said he had a giant burrito at lunch with a bunch of jalapeños and I'm thinking that's where his stinky smell came from. This was like garlic, spicy, onion BO. A la big stinky man, not vodka soaked alcoholic.

It's a freak out trigger for me because I know that stinky man = recently drinking, mean, argumentative husband. I calmly told him that I know no one likes to be told that they smell bad but he was smelling ripe and I told him that it had my nerves on high alert and although he can't do anything about it and it's not a knock on him, I needed him to shower or sleep outside. He showered and the stinky was pretty much gone. With booze a shower doesn't even make a dent in the smell.

Stung

Ding, ding, ding! This was the winner for me!!

But I couldn't do this until my kids were down, house was straightened up, etc. Deepak has a sleep meditation album on iTunes and one of the tracks is a beach visualization and WOW!!! That puts me to sleep literally in seconds. I don't understand how it works but it never fails. Thank you sooooooooo very much for sharing that you use his meditations because that has been a sleep lifesaver for me!

CodeJob

I like Deepak's voice. I never hear much of what he says bc I crash out.

PurpleWilder

Ugh! My 13 year old DD is the same way! I told her - no deodorant means don't come in to breakfast!