megacrankcase

I'm 73 days sober and clean today. A long way to go, but a miracle for me.

It seems like everything has gone wrong since then. I had hoped to be healthier.

I lose use of my right arm for a while due to cubital tunnel syndrome. I got through that. Pollen season came, and I got the worst sinus infection of my life. Knocked me on my ass. Bleeding out my nose, dizziness, utter misery.

An old knee injury flared up. I took some anti-inflammatory drugs and had a bad reaction to one of them. Also the Vicodin made me feel horrible.

My Mom died. My cat died. My house got flooded.

Monday I was asked if I would agree to a five dollar an hour pay decrease. Things are tough and some are losing their jobs.

Next week is my vacation. I am flying my beloved stepdaughter here from across the country. We had a bunch of stuff planned. Now I can't afford to do all of it.

Then, this week I started feeling bad. Really bad. Brutal headaches and a wicked cough. I went to the doctor yesterday afternoon. I have pneumonia.

I don't smoke. Never have. I haven't had a drink in almost three months. I have been trying to eat right.

Add in the agony of alcohol recovery to all of the above.

I broke down last night. Started crying and could not stop. I'm still crying right now.

I am trying so damned hard. I don't remember what it is like to not feel bad. I've had to take piles of pills for all the stuff. It is making me sick.

I know things will get better. They have to. I won't make it otherwise.

I know I am whining like a baby, but I need a break.

KAD

I'm sorry to hear about all the stuff going wrong, but answer this question... Would alcohol help any of those things? Would it make any of them better? It might make you oblivious to them for a while, but there's a reason you came here and continue to come here. My guess is its because alcoholism far outweighed all of those things as the worst of the worst. Am I right?

As Jack Trimpey said, "Quitting drinking won't solve all your problems, but it will solve that problem."

megacrankcase

Yeah, I'm not considering drinking or anything. I guess I am just letting out some of the pain and frustration. Things would be worse if I were still drinking, that's for sure.

hj003

Life will not suddenly spectacular when you get sober. It will return to normal. Which means that everyday things will still happen.

You could have numbed them with alcohol but they still would have happened. At least now you have the presence of mind to deal with the crap parts of life. Which happen to everyone.

Bonus: you now have the ability to make life better.

Dee74

I'm really sorry for all of that - that is a lot to handle in the first 73 days. Lean on all the support you have including us here, mega.

best as I can see, none of this is your fault - unless you left a tap on when your house flooded

Please don't think there's anything wrong with you or your recovery tho

I think a lot of people have an expectation that life is milk and honey after you get sober.
That's not true.

Life still continues - it's up and downs and sometimes sad and painful.

For me, the difference is I'm sober - and I deal with those ups and downs immeasurably better than I used to.

It took me maybe a year to get to this point, but I still consider my life is joyful and serene, despite all the pain, loss, health issues and money troubles.

You'll get there too mega
D

megacrankcase

It's just been an incredibly hard time. I'm about due for some ups.

megacrankcase

My resolve is stronger than ever. Money problems? Health problems? Drinking makes both worse. Shoot, it makes everything worse.

megacrankcase

I am alive. The worst of the recovery is behind me. I may not have much money, but I got my antibiotics. I will see my stepdaughter in less than a week. I can still walk on the earth, see its wonders, hear beautiful music.

It actually helped to get it out. I feel a little better. As better as a guy with pneumonia can feel.

Dee74

I'm glad the venting helped

D

aussieblue

Hang in there Mega, I hope you get a break soon.

Notimetoloose

You are so amazing.
You sound like the poster child for "When the going gets tough the tough gets going."

I am so so sorry all of this is happening but I love your attitude and your strength to vent.

I hope you have a wonderful vacation with your loved ones.

megacrankcase

Thank you. Thank you all. This is a place of strength.

tomsteve

wild how that works,eh?

man, it sure reads like a load there. im wonderin about the health issues- maybe that's some stuff that was there when you were drinkin but maybe didn't see/feel it like ya do now?

its has been a hard time for ya and I can relate. ive had a pretty rough few months myself. even though its been rough, whats gotten me through it is gratitude, like ya wrote here. doesn't mean things got easier to handle, but it got me through these last few months.
theres been a lot ive had to look at during this time. what happening in my life is out of my control? what am I powerless over? those things I had to accept them as they are. doesn't mean I like it, but it has helped.
that which I had control over, the things I could change, I had to work on changing.
most of all, keeping gratitude through it all. even if its just for clean socks on my feet and clean underwear on my but it has helped.

megacrankcase

I honestly think these health issues would have stood out. The cubital tunnel syndrome felt like I was being hit in the funnybone. All the time. It came from years of being a machinist. Then the pollen-induced sinus infection. My sinuses were bleeding. Kinda hard to miss that.

I actually hurt my knee playing Yahtzee. Yes, playing Yahtzee. Me and another guy play on Saturdays. He is a recovering drug user. He rigged up a table and there was no way to straighten my legs. It hurt that night a little, but the next day I was screwed.

I got the pneumonia from a kid who works next to me. Little bastard has been sick for a month and won't go to the doctor. It reminds me of me at that age.

The question remains is this: Have I been more susceptible to the sinus infection and the pneumonia from being in a weakened state due to alcohol recovery? I suppose I will never know.

least

Gratitude has saved me many times.

megacrankcase

Gratitude, compassion, kindness, generosity, forgiveness. These things bring grace into our lives.

AlcoholFree66

Hi megacrakcase - you have been very strong to deal will all those health issues and traumas in early recovery. You are an inspiration for me.

happyandfree

Mega...sometimes when I think things can't get any worse, things start to improve. I think it's such a good thing that you sat down and wrote your initial post. You got it out, rather than stuffing your feelings.. You have some very real problems, but things will improve, they always do. Hopefully you will look back soon and be grateful that you made it through SOBER. You will end up stronger for it. Keep writing about it. We are all here for you.

charleesavedme

You are an inspiration to deal with all of this - hope the ups come soon. I bet your step-daughter will just be happy to be there for a visit and will understand if you don't have extra money.

I did have to smile that you hurt your knee playing Yahtzee...not to laugh at your misfortune, but because what are the odds?

Take care of yourself.

Tamerua

Hope you feel better soon, that is a lot for the first three months. But! Now you don't have to lament about your pink cloud busting!

Do hope you get to feeling better soon. And get a better Yahtzee table!