KAD

I am still not sure I even want to venture into AA far enough to even attempt to find a sponsor but I have a couple questions in the event I do decide to go that route.

One, how do you even do it? I think I have only been to one meeting out of only about 5 I've ever attended where it was specifically asked who was available to be a sponsor. I've never heard that question asked anywhere else.

Second, at one of the meetings, it was stipulated that a sponsor had to be of the same gender. I take issue with that because, due to the ugly history with my father and a couple other incidents during my childhood involving males, I do not trust most men and don't feel comfortable around them. (Sorry guys.) I feel much more at ease and trusting with women, and I feel less inhibited when it comes to expressing what I'm really feeling. Is it some hard and fast rule within AA that your sponsor has to be of the same gender, or is it just specific to certain groups?

Soberpotamus

The meetings I went to kept a list of names of women willing to sponsor. I picked a name I thought fit an older woman (yes, I know that sounds silly... but I wanted an older person who might have more sober time, and it worked), and called her. We met up a few times, told one another about ourselves to briefly get to know one another. Simple as that.

I don't think there's a rule about gender. It's just suggested that you pick same gender.

MIRecovery

I would look for someone who has:

• 5+ years of sobriety
• Have worked the 12 steps
• Have a sponsor themselves
• Knowledgeable of the big book and 12/12
• Have sponsored others
• Seem to be happy with life and comfortable in there own skins
• Someone who it is impossible to have any kind of sexual attraction ro
• Someone that has enough time for you
• Attends meetings regularly

KAD

Well, I get all those. It would be impossible for me to be sexually attracted to a man, but suppose I was gay? Then what? However, either way I'm fully capable of keeping things in perspective. I have lots of very attractive female work colleagues but our interactions are always strictly professional and objective. I think I'm mature enough to handle it, but couldn't guarantee that the other person would be. I understand why some AA groups might restrict sponsors to same gender associations, but everyone isn't the same. That kind of restriction might actually drive some people away.

MIRecovery

My experience has been the sponsor sponsee relationship is profoundly deep and personal. This NOT a work relationship. In many ways my sponsor knows more about me than anyone else and I trust him with my life.

When two people are that close the best meaning pair can get themselves in to trouble in a big hurry if sex is thrown into the mix.

I never said anything about the sex of a sponsor I said sexual attraction had to be more or less impossible