quitforme79

I left work today and wanted to drink. Or smoke pot. SOMETHING to just escape reality for a bit. My disease got louder and louder "everyone else does it" "you've been sober for some time now, maybe you are better...you only drank like that because you were going through a rough time" --- I start to believe the lies, don't go to my meeting but go shopping instead. I cry, call my sponsor and talk about it, cry some more. I don't drink but I am exhausted! Sometimes these things just pop up...remind me that I really am an alcoholic.

EJ43

You said it! Hard day here too

Kevin78

Difficult here too, I got the same symptoms.

LadyinBC

I hear you! You are not the only one who thinks this way sometimes, I do too. And I don't even have to have a bad day to have those thoughts.

I'm definitely a work in progress!

quitforme79

So true Lady...nothing bad happened, it was business as usual. My sponsor did point out that I am going on a date tomorrow and yikes am I scared. I do alone really well. Intimacy? Not so much. But I haven't even met him yet and I am projecting...typical alcoholic huh? LOL

Aarryckha

I hear ya. Tough couple of days here as well.

Well done with toughing it out and staying sober!

LadyinBC

I do alone well too. I haven't been in any kind of relationship or date since I got sober. You will have to post and let me know how it went. Or PM me!

neferkamichael

Quitforme79, my intimacy was directly associated with altered states of consciousness. Now that I've done without all of it for so long I'm not sure I'd know what to do anymore. Good luck, rootin for ya.

Dee74

I'm sorry you had a bad day but I'm so pleased you stayed strong quit
Best wishes with the date - just be you - there's no better thing to be than that

D

360shoes

Hi QuitForMe79,
I get those feelings too. It's been over a year since I quit and it doesn't happen often and it's not as firm but it pops up every once in awhile.

At first it scared me but then I realized for me it was just when I was doing something new sober. First Friday happy hour. Got through that. Next time easier. First really bad day where everything went wrong. Got through that. Next time easier. First relax on the patio summer day. Got through that. Next time easier.

I found out for me the firsts of a lot of things were when it popped in my head to do what I always did before. Drink. Especially something where I felt scared. That was a tough one. But makes sense. Everyone gets scared a little doing firsts of anything. Most people just don't go drink to make it go away. So I had to learn to be one of those.

I'm happy to report that I can get scared or feel happy and it doesn't trigger that need for me to shut those feelings down. I can handle them. Once in a great while a faint thought pops in my head to drink because that's what I always used to do but it's not loud and I don't listen anyway. It will probably always be there. That's okay. I can handle it. I'll just plan on it happening. I know what to do when it does. Don't listen and don't drink. I'll be okay.

You did good! It was hard. I know but you did it. You felt feelings that triggered something but you handle them without drinking. Good for you!

Have fun on your date! Hey, sometimes for me fear and excitement can sometimes feel the same. Let's go with excitement. Dates are fun. Have fun!

LBrain

That's the toughest part for me. Learning how to live again. It takes time.

Don't listen to the people who say you are "cured" or just going through a tough time that made you use. Me too.

But if it wasn't for the rough time I was going through I would have found another excuse to drink.

Only you know yourself.
Only I know that I can never drink again.

sillysuzanfree

Remember...it will be a much worse day if you pick up and drink. I still have thoughts some days that a drink sounds really good or I want to "escape" for a while. If it happens again...and you have the money and a little extra time, treat yourself to a spa for a massage and/or facial, drink some chamomile tea and go to sleep early or take a short nap. Sure, you can't do that every time but treating yourself to once in a while is important too.

"Everyone does it" thankfully is not a trigger for me anymore...because I know what happens to me when "I" do it...I hope your date goes well!

IOAA2

To this day many years after I stopped drinking I don't like being an alcoholic but since I accepted it life has become much easier.

BE WELL

Wendolene

I'm sorry to hear that you had a bad day, but so glad you stayed sober.

Reading your post reassures me, as I have been really struggling. I too tend to get these intrusive thoughts - you summed it up really well, especially with regard to justifying having a drink to yourself.

The important thing is that we didn't.

I hope everything goes well with the date - as Dee said, be yourself, because, as was written on the whiteboard in my rehab centre: 'Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind'.

Best wishes,
Wendolene x

desypete

if you get through a day without having a drink then that is a good day.
in early days its hard to get through a day without the drink but when you do it be happy you made it
i well remember the peace i felt as soon as it was 11pm thats what time the shop closed and the pubs
so my fight was over for that day as there was no choice now as i couldn't get drink even if i wanted to

now after 10 years 11 pm comes around and i just dont notice it at all
its hard at the start but keep at it and the days will soon turn into weeks and you will start feeling better
i was lucky as i went to aa everyday and those people helped me so much i can never repay it

Boleo

Drinking was not my problem - it was my solution. Till it stopped working for me, then I had 2 problems; drinking and not-drinking. I was trapped between a rock and a hard place.

If I drank, it had physical consequences. If I managed to not-drink, it had emotional consequences. It was a "damned if I do - Damned if I don't" situation. I ended up uncomfortable in own skin with or without the drinks. It was not until I started working an "End of Suffering" program that sobriety was worth having.

(Old Chinese saying)
"In this life - pain is inevitable - suffering is optional".

GracieLou

Sometimes being sober is hard

Truer words were never spoken. It does get easier. Just let them rise and fall and don't drink or use. I know that sounds simple and in fact it is, simple, not easy.

Mac1

Couldn't agree more!

Nuudawn

((((my lovely, lovely buddy)))
Thank you for sharing your struggle my sobriety rocking friend. You've been at this a good while...but that beast can still pop up when we are overwhelmed and vulnerable.
Looks like you put one foot in front of the other and did the stuff you know to do...you called your sponsor...you posted here.

I'm sure today is a better, brighter day...right?

Nowsthetime

Hard for me today too. Going to watch soccer game with friends and I am sure the booze is going to be everywhere. I want a Pale Ale, it sounds so good... I really don't want to start my count over...

I won't drink. Differentiate between what I want and what need! Need to not drink. Sending you good vibes. Let's stay strong together.

L