The end of them all
:-(
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Toowoomba, Queensland
Posts: 160
The end of them all
So this is it, I am going to try so so hard, to remove the bad negative people from my life, I have got away from most of them so far and one has just run away from me, who I just want back so badly, it's making me sick, wondering why he won't talk to me, why, why, what did I do to p*ss him off so much, I seem to do it to everyone. 
I need to stop thinking, stressing, remembering bad things and wondering if it will ever get better.
From now I will:
~Not check my mothers facebook, delete the photo's off my computer.
~Not go back and look at my ex's facebook page or IG. delete the photos off my computer .
~Not think about my excuse making friend Scott who can ignore me then expect me to be ok with this, as he gets what he wants outta me, I get ignored. delete the photos off my computer.
~Not talk about my A aunty with her worst enemy, my other A aunty. delete the photos off my computer.
~Not make excuses to not see people by saying I am hungover when I am not, (it was always the easiest way out of seeing people, I have really bad hangovers.!!)
~Not discuss any of the above people with my father and if he starts I give him a warning and then hang up the phone.
~Stop talking to people from my past on facebook again, they are wrong for me and I do not need their negativity in my life.
I do need to get out of this town full of bad memories and look to start a whole new life somewhere and slowly dwindle out of my dysfunctional family to be able to save myself and start my own functional family.
I am not staying here for Scott and the what if's. They are never going to happen in the way I want/need.
I need to do this for myself.
I am very stressed, agoraphobic and having anxiety/panic attacks again. I hate being ignored, hate being told what to do, who to be in contact with, It's my life, my choice. I wish to just run away and never look back, never tell them that I am ok and safe and not to worry about me, I want them to worry for once in their lives, maybe that is what I need to do, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I am scared that if I do go, then no one will care, no one will look for me, I will still be alone and lost.
Maybe that's all I will ever be.
I need to stop thinking, stressing, remembering bad things and wondering if it will ever get better.
From now I will:
~Not check my mothers facebook, delete the photo's off my computer.
~Not go back and look at my ex's facebook page or IG. delete the photos off my computer .
~Not think about my excuse making friend Scott who can ignore me then expect me to be ok with this, as he gets what he wants outta me, I get ignored. delete the photos off my computer.
~Not talk about my A aunty with her worst enemy, my other A aunty. delete the photos off my computer.
~Not make excuses to not see people by saying I am hungover when I am not, (it was always the easiest way out of seeing people, I have really bad hangovers.!!)
~Not discuss any of the above people with my father and if he starts I give him a warning and then hang up the phone.
~Stop talking to people from my past on facebook again, they are wrong for me and I do not need their negativity in my life.
I do need to get out of this town full of bad memories and look to start a whole new life somewhere and slowly dwindle out of my dysfunctional family to be able to save myself and start my own functional family.
I am not staying here for Scott and the what if's. They are never going to happen in the way I want/need.
I need to do this for myself.
I am very stressed, agoraphobic and having anxiety/panic attacks again. I hate being ignored, hate being told what to do, who to be in contact with, It's my life, my choice. I wish to just run away and never look back, never tell them that I am ok and safe and not to worry about me, I want them to worry for once in their lives, maybe that is what I need to do, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I am scared that if I do go, then no one will care, no one will look for me, I will still be alone and lost.
Maybe that's all I will ever be.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Honestly, I'd consider this like cutting off a cancer. The only way I will let my family members back into my life is if they are in recovery, too. No gray area there. Stop thinking about how everyone thinks about you. It's none of your business. You make the choice to be happy or miserable. Choose happy. Fake it til you make it. Screw them. Surround yourself with genuine caring people. SR isn't a bad start, but real fleshy friends will do wonders for the spirit. 
:-(
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Toowoomba, Queensland
Posts: 160
Well now I am in trouble, the stepdad messaged me the other day and told me my mother rang him accidently, so he answered only to hear her drinking, partying and having a great time with some bloke.
So being p**sed at her for trying to get me to send her en email for MY birthdya, she made no effort at all, still haven't heard from her, I emailed her the other day and told her;
So great to not hear from you, thanks a lot.,
Hope you are having fun with your random men, ringing your ex and making him listen to you having a good time, you carry on with your happy fun life, while we all suffer, Thanks a lot.
So now she received the email and rang the stepdad and abused him for telling me whst she is doing still. Looking back in hindsight, she always played us off against each other, and she told me he said things which now I find out was not true, and vice versa. So now we talk to each other and the truth is slowly trickling out.
But he just messaged me this morning tell me he is not getting involved anymore and seems pissed at me to.
I want nothing more to do with her, EVER. I'm good at pissing people off lately,
I can feel myself slipping away,my family n a family friend are going to cop some home truths soon if they keep maniuplating me and accusing me of not studying and stuff they have no idea about, I don't drink like they do or anything, Im not out partying like my mother and most other 29 year old chicks are. My Dad is gonna cop it if he gives me more of mothers guilt trips, I am sick of being the one to have to contact her, if she wants me in her life and to stop "punishing and breaking her heart" she best contact me and apologize profusely for being a lying manipulative drunken a**hole.
My "friend" Scott can do one too, ignorant *****, Im sick of everyone guilt tripping me coz I won't go out and get p**sed and then shag them, I hate myself and I hate my life. Most of all I hate my mother!! I am just like her, and I am trying so hard not to be.
So being p**sed at her for trying to get me to send her en email for MY birthdya, she made no effort at all, still haven't heard from her, I emailed her the other day and told her;
So great to not hear from you, thanks a lot.,
Hope you are having fun with your random men, ringing your ex and making him listen to you having a good time, you carry on with your happy fun life, while we all suffer, Thanks a lot.
So now she received the email and rang the stepdad and abused him for telling me whst she is doing still. Looking back in hindsight, she always played us off against each other, and she told me he said things which now I find out was not true, and vice versa. So now we talk to each other and the truth is slowly trickling out.
But he just messaged me this morning tell me he is not getting involved anymore and seems pissed at me to.
I want nothing more to do with her, EVER. I'm good at pissing people off lately,
I can feel myself slipping away,my family n a family friend are going to cop some home truths soon if they keep maniuplating me and accusing me of not studying and stuff they have no idea about, I don't drink like they do or anything, Im not out partying like my mother and most other 29 year old chicks are. My Dad is gonna cop it if he gives me more of mothers guilt trips, I am sick of being the one to have to contact her, if she wants me in her life and to stop "punishing and breaking her heart" she best contact me and apologize profusely for being a lying manipulative drunken a**hole.
My "friend" Scott can do one too, ignorant *****, Im sick of everyone guilt tripping me coz I won't go out and get p**sed and then shag them, I hate myself and I hate my life. Most of all I hate my mother!! I am just like her, and I am trying so hard not to be.
:-(
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Toowoomba, Queensland
Posts: 160
Originally Posted by NWGRITS 
Honestly, I'd consider this like cutting off a cancer. The only way I will let my family members back into my life is if they are in recovery, too. No gray area there. Stop thinking about how everyone thinks about you. It's none of your business. You make the choice to be happy or miserable. Choose happy. Fake it til you make it. Screw them. Surround yourself with genuine caring people. SR isn't a bad start, but real fleshy friends will do wonders for the spirit.
I am going to help my uncle do some work on a friends garden and putting up a fence, to make some money so then I can pay back my debt to him and then I am outta here, I will sell the furniture and stuff in my flat, and I will be on the first bus and gone, with no warnings, the only person I will keep contact with is my father in the UK, that is the day I look forward to greatly, as long as they let me.
Maybe I do need to be more loud and abusive like my other aunty, to get through to them all, "It's my life!!!" and I'm doing so much better now I am not slave to my lying cheating manipulative drunken mother but I still have a way to go, and the family of mine are not helping.
My aunty will offer to do something for me, but then manages to get me to her house and then I have to stay until she gives me a lift home, all they do is drink, my uncle is a bit grumpy until he has had a couple of drinks, then gets funny, then gets abusive n nasty. So I dread them days. I make up excuses like I am hungover just so I don't have to go drinking with them, so they think I am always drinking. Its just too hard.
I am just thinking of running when my lease is up in August. Fingers crossed.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Sounds like a clean break is needed. Make a plan and then follow through. It's not you, I promise. I spent my whole life being told I was the problem, and then I met my husband (God bless the man. He's been through hell and back with me) and moved away and realized... nothing changed when I left. It wasn't me. It's not you, either. You deserve better.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Back East
Posts: 704
Originally Posted by Synfull Vyxun
I am outta here, I will sell the furniture and stuff in my flat, and I will be on the first bus and gone, with no warnings, the only person I will keep contact with is my father in the UK, that is the day I look forward to greatly, as long as they let me.... I am just thinking of running when my lease is up in August. Fingers crossed.
What's more, the Midwest-to-Southwest move happened after we had been in recovery a few years -- and were well-acquainted with such concepts as the infamous "geographical cure." Before we moved to Arizona, we did quite a bit of soul-searching and talking about it -- are we running away, is this a geographical, what are we looking for, WTF are we doing, all of that. And as it turned out, the new place turned out to be a mirage. Great place to go on vacation, but just try making a living there! We did have a lot of friends -- many of whom we met at 12-step meetings -- but in the end, geography didn't fix us. So we decided to go back to a city -- in this case, one that's just across the state line from my home state, the idea being to set a boundary between us and my parents. The 'rents, of course, ignored the boundary, acting as if it were nothing more than a line on a map! Shocking, no? They are now deceased, as you guys know, and we're still here. I have a feeling there is one more move in our future -- back to the city I started in, which is the only place that feels like home.
The point of this is that at least in my case, moving around did not make a fresh start, jettison the baggage, or get rid of the deadwood. Those are things that -- to the extent they have happened, which is only partial -- were independent of geography. Some of it even happened in Arizona!
I have a love/hate relationship with FB and other "social media." They're great for keeping in touch with people, but they're also pernicious, addictive, and intrusive. It gets to be like being hooked on bad coffee -- the stuff stinks and makes you feel bad, but you keep going back for more all the same. The guy who invented it was really onto something, in terms of reeling people into his web, so to speak. Facebook is not life!
T
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
Yes the geographic cure rarely works, especially in this day and age of instant media. But I will say not living with the alcoholic is paramount. After that boundary setting is in our mind first and foremost. Anything else is just wish.
:-(
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Toowoomba, Queensland
Posts: 160
Originally Posted by tromboneliness
It's hard -- there is (especially, I think, in the USA, where we originally started with 3,000 miles of territory that was little-known) this persistent idea that we can "go away and make a fresh start" somewhere else. In my case, that means growing up in the northeast, then moving to the Midwest (1,000 miles), then the Southwest (another 1,600 or so), then back to the Northeast. Funny thing, though: no matter where I went... my brain came along with me! And that's where all my baggage was (and some still is). Loading everything in the car and stepping on the gas did not change my/our (to include my spouse/2nd-qualifier) personality traits.
What's more, the Midwest-to-Southwest move happened after we had been in recovery a few years -- and were well-acquainted with such concepts as the infamous "geographical cure." Before we moved to Arizona, we did quite a bit of soul-searching and talking about it -- are we running away, is this a geographical, what are we looking for, WTF are we doing, all of that. And as it turned out, the new place turned out to be a mirage. Great place to go on vacation, but just try making a living there! We did have a lot of friends -- many of whom we met at 12-step meetings -- but in the end, geography didn't fix us. So we decided to go back to a city -- in this case, one that's just across the state line from my home state, the idea being to set a boundary between us and my parents. The 'rents, of course, ignored the boundary, acting as if it were nothing more than a line on a map! Shocking, no? They are now deceased, as you guys know, and we're still here. I have a feeling there is one more move in our future -- back to the city I started in, which is the only place that feels like home.
The point of this is that at least in my case, moving around did not make a fresh start, jettison the baggage, or get rid of the deadwood. Those are things that -- to the extent they have happened, which is only partial -- were independent of geography. Some of it even happened in Arizona!
I have a love/hate relationship with FB and other "social media." They're great for keeping in touch with people, but they're also pernicious, addictive, and intrusive. It gets to be like being hooked on bad coffee -- the stuff stinks and makes you feel bad, but you keep going back for more all the same. The guy who invented it was really onto something, in terms of reeling people into his web, so to speak. Facebook is not life!
T
What's more, the Midwest-to-Southwest move happened after we had been in recovery a few years -- and were well-acquainted with such concepts as the infamous "geographical cure." Before we moved to Arizona, we did quite a bit of soul-searching and talking about it -- are we running away, is this a geographical, what are we looking for, WTF are we doing, all of that. And as it turned out, the new place turned out to be a mirage. Great place to go on vacation, but just try making a living there! We did have a lot of friends -- many of whom we met at 12-step meetings -- but in the end, geography didn't fix us. So we decided to go back to a city -- in this case, one that's just across the state line from my home state, the idea being to set a boundary between us and my parents. The 'rents, of course, ignored the boundary, acting as if it were nothing more than a line on a map! Shocking, no? They are now deceased, as you guys know, and we're still here. I have a feeling there is one more move in our future -- back to the city I started in, which is the only place that feels like home.
The point of this is that at least in my case, moving around did not make a fresh start, jettison the baggage, or get rid of the deadwood. Those are things that -- to the extent they have happened, which is only partial -- were independent of geography. Some of it even happened in Arizona!
I have a love/hate relationship with FB and other "social media." They're great for keeping in touch with people, but they're also pernicious, addictive, and intrusive. It gets to be like being hooked on bad coffee -- the stuff stinks and makes you feel bad, but you keep going back for more all the same. The guy who invented it was really onto something, in terms of reeling people into his web, so to speak. Facebook is not life!
T
I have never lived in a town/house more than 2 years, other than the pubs. I have no good friends because I have never been anywhere long enough.
I have now left the A mother and almost A father in the Uk a year and a half ago, but came back to a family of alcoholics who just try to interfere and help me live my life.
So I try not to see them, I make excuses to not go to their house and drink their home brew rum. I am studying, so that is mostly my excuse, or that I am hungover, which I rarely am, as I hardly drink. (But it's the best excuse I have found to keep them away as I have horrendous hangovers.
I know I can never escape all of this alcoholicness in my family, as I am just like each and every one of them in different ways, but I can't afford to drink so much, I hate the after effects, and I don't want to be constantly drunk. But I could easily be just like them, I know it. Then I really would be in trouble, as they would never accept that!!
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