My story....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 22
My story....
I did not grow up around drinking and was never interested in it during school. I always wanted to be at home and hang out with a few close friends or my family.
Here and there I would dabble in a few drinks with friends and my boyfriend after I turned 21. I liked how it made me feel and was having fun. When I met my ex husband at 23 years old I was enjoying it more and more. Every night we would have fun and drinking was always involved. We got married and from the first day we met....not one night would go by without a couple bottles of wine, beer or cocktails. He was even abusing pills behind my back which I found out about later. We would always fight and alcohol always seemed to be involved.
We were divorced when I was 29. I left him.....finally couldn't take anymore fighting and really just fell out of love. I wanted to escape....so I moved out of town and let loose. Since then I have been in 2 more serious relationships and many casual ones. Through each one of them drinking has been involved. I never could get why the fights were so bad but deep down I knew drinking was escalating each one of them.
In my last relationship of 2 years I was ignored and was alone most of the time. I would wake up on my days off and work out and then start drinking. A glass of wine here...a cocktail there. It's ok...it's my weekend id say. I would also have a drink immediately after work when I got home. It's the end of my day....I deserve a drink. But one drink would always lead To more. i would think about it at work.....couldn't wait for that glass of wine at home. I also loved all of the work events I got invited to...mostly for the free drinks. I was the fun one who lasted all night and had everyone laughing by the end. I would drive home from these events after drinking and be so mad at myself the next day. Sometimes I would call In sick to work because of a fight I'd caused with my boyfriend. Now I'm being asked why I'm not drinking? What happened to you? Why don't you go out anymore?
I am in a new relationship now and he is great. I don't want to lose him but I will if I don't get this under control. I told him I would stop drinking and he caught me drinking at home while he was away for a couple of hours. I feel horrible about it. This was after I said I'd stop when I wrecked my car a month ago. Thankfully I was the only one involved. That should have scared me for life! I have been so lucky. No DUIs and no arrests...nobody hurt. But I know it will happen eventually and I don't want it to.
I want to say this is easy...and I can just quit. But it's not. I have been drinking almost every night for the past 15 years and I miss it. I hate that I miss it. Because every time I do it I eventually hate the way I feel. I don't understand why I can't be one of those people who just handles a drink here and there.....but I guess I can't.
It helps to get it out......hoping for the best....hoping it gets easier......
Here and there I would dabble in a few drinks with friends and my boyfriend after I turned 21. I liked how it made me feel and was having fun. When I met my ex husband at 23 years old I was enjoying it more and more. Every night we would have fun and drinking was always involved. We got married and from the first day we met....not one night would go by without a couple bottles of wine, beer or cocktails. He was even abusing pills behind my back which I found out about later. We would always fight and alcohol always seemed to be involved.
We were divorced when I was 29. I left him.....finally couldn't take anymore fighting and really just fell out of love. I wanted to escape....so I moved out of town and let loose. Since then I have been in 2 more serious relationships and many casual ones. Through each one of them drinking has been involved. I never could get why the fights were so bad but deep down I knew drinking was escalating each one of them.
In my last relationship of 2 years I was ignored and was alone most of the time. I would wake up on my days off and work out and then start drinking. A glass of wine here...a cocktail there. It's ok...it's my weekend id say. I would also have a drink immediately after work when I got home. It's the end of my day....I deserve a drink. But one drink would always lead To more. i would think about it at work.....couldn't wait for that glass of wine at home. I also loved all of the work events I got invited to...mostly for the free drinks. I was the fun one who lasted all night and had everyone laughing by the end. I would drive home from these events after drinking and be so mad at myself the next day. Sometimes I would call In sick to work because of a fight I'd caused with my boyfriend. Now I'm being asked why I'm not drinking? What happened to you? Why don't you go out anymore?
I am in a new relationship now and he is great. I don't want to lose him but I will if I don't get this under control. I told him I would stop drinking and he caught me drinking at home while he was away for a couple of hours. I feel horrible about it. This was after I said I'd stop when I wrecked my car a month ago. Thankfully I was the only one involved. That should have scared me for life! I have been so lucky. No DUIs and no arrests...nobody hurt. But I know it will happen eventually and I don't want it to.
I want to say this is easy...and I can just quit. But it's not. I have been drinking almost every night for the past 15 years and I miss it. I hate that I miss it. Because every time I do it I eventually hate the way I feel. I don't understand why I can't be one of those people who just handles a drink here and there.....but I guess I can't.
It helps to get it out......hoping for the best....hoping it gets easier......
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey fleurstyle, Welcome to the Forum!! 
It does get easier, but for me I had to accept that I can't be "one of those people" who drinks normally, whatever the reason, that first drink can lead down the road to disaster once again, once I accepted that way forward, things got a whole lot easier, no more trying drinking out again, trying to see if I could moderate, see if I could stop after a few, and no more waking up the next day feeling terrible.
You can do this, and you'll find loads of support here on SR!!
It does get easier, but for me I had to accept that I can't be "one of those people" who drinks normally, whatever the reason, that first drink can lead down the road to disaster once again, once I accepted that way forward, things got a whole lot easier, no more trying drinking out again, trying to see if I could moderate, see if I could stop after a few, and no more waking up the next day feeling terrible.
You can do this, and you'll find loads of support here on SR!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
you are not alone fleurstyle and not unusual either. Many of us here had similar tales. All I know for myslef was how on earth did I waste the last twenty years of my life. Not to mention the reality that I was hooked on alcohol from that first buzz -40 years ago. You could say I wasted 40 years. I managed to squeak through the cracks for a while but it caught up to me with a vengeance.
Be glad you recognize this at such a young age.
Be glad you recognize this at such a young age.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Somewhere on the East Coast
Posts: 579
Welcome Fleurstyle! Use this site and the many people on it who have been through the same thing. I've learned a lot from just lurking for months and just recently started posting. Stick around and I'm sure you'll be glad you did.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Thanks for sharing a little of your story Fleurstyle.
You're here, you're fighting the good fight and you sound determined to succeed. All those are good things
Do you have a plan besides posting here?
You're here, you're fighting the good fight and you sound determined to succeed. All those are good things
Do you have a plan besides posting here?
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Hi there, Fleur, welcome! It's not easy, no. But it's worth it.
Hey, I drank for about 15 years too. It's ok to miss it. That's understandable... it was a major part of your life for a while. But this habit can be given up successfully. Once you realize and accept you aren't one of those who can take it or leave it, that you are in fact addicted (if that's the case), then the path becomes much more clear
Hey, I drank for about 15 years too. It's ok to miss it. That's understandable... it was a major part of your life for a while. But this habit can be given up successfully. Once you realize and accept you aren't one of those who can take it or leave it, that you are in fact addicted (if that's the case), then the path becomes much more clear
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Originally Posted by fleurstyle 
I don't understand why I can't be one of those people who just handles a drink here and there.....but I guess I can't.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 22
Yes GetMeOut.....you are right....those good times never end up good.
I want to be done with drinking for good. I am ready....that is so hard for me to write but it's true. I said this a month ago though and snuck a couple drinks in and was "caught" and felt horrible. I want this to be the beginning of the end of that life....
I want to be done with drinking for good. I am ready....that is so hard for me to write but it's true. I said this a month ago though and snuck a couple drinks in and was "caught" and felt horrible. I want this to be the beginning of the end of that life....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Welcome fleurstyle!
Glad your here! I would absolutely suggest you find a local AA meeting in your area! I tried everything and never could quit on my on. AA has saved my life! The support here on SR is also amazing and very inspiring to be part of a community of people striving for sobriety!
All the best to you and keep us posted!
Glad your here! I would absolutely suggest you find a local AA meeting in your area! I tried everything and never could quit on my on. AA has saved my life! The support here on SR is also amazing and very inspiring to be part of a community of people striving for sobriety!
All the best to you and keep us posted!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Originally Posted by fleurstyle
Dee74...thank you... This is my first step....joining you all here. I have also considered joining a face to face support group/AA but to be honest I'm a little nervous...not surprising!
. This is my first step....joining you all here. I have also considered joining a face to face support group/AA but to be honest I'm a little nervous...not surprising!All you have to do is announce this is your first meeting. They will ask if it is anyone's first meeting. Just raise your hand and introduce yourself. Then just sit back and listen. The rest will fall into place. Do not be nervous or apprehensive about going. Everyone there had to go to a first meeting. We all felt some kind of nervousness I'm sure.
Who the hell is DEE74? I had to go back and look to find out. The things we don't notice over time. I NEVER EVEN SAW THE '74' BEFORE.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by fleurstyle
I did not grow up around drinking and was never interested in it during school. I always wanted to be at home and hang out with a few close friends or my family.
Here and there I would dabble in a few drinks with friends and my boyfriend after I turned 21. I liked how it made me feel and was having fun.
Here and there I would dabble in a few drinks with friends and my boyfriend after I turned 21. I liked how it made me feel and was having fun.
To borrow from what I believe is an AA analogy...
You were a cucumber then.
And now you're a pickle. You will never, ever go back to being a cucumber.
And that's a hard pill to swallow. Mixed in with our wistfulness bout being a cucumber...is a good dose of missing our carefree youth.
Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Your story is a lot like mine except throw in two kids, two marriages and a lot of bar time.
I can see myself in you ten years ago when I first wanted to stop. I felt horrible because I had let down my BF. I drank after five months and instead of trying to face it again I ran away from AA and the BF and went back to drinking for another ten years.
I did not fully understand the AA program and honestly it was because I didn’t try. I had a sponsor, went to meetings and had all the books but I did not want to stop. I only wanted to stop for him. Once he was out of my life, I could go back and drink the way I wanted to. I just found another man that drank like I did to fill in the void.
I just added him as a resentment. Trying to change me, didn’t understand blah blah.
This time I wanted to quit. I was at the bottom emotionally and physically. I was exhausted from fighting with my alcoholism. I was done.
My advice is to give AA a try. Don’t gulp it in, sip it. Take it in slowly. Go to meetings and find a sponsor. There is no time limit to do either. Of course the more meetings and the faster you find a sponsor the more you will get from the program, but that is up to you. Move as fast or as slow as you wish. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking.
Just don’t drink and go to meetings. The first year I see so many people have goals and a list of things they want to do, my goal was to remain sober. That was it. Nothing else on my plate but work and household chores. If you go and once you feel comfortable I recommend a big book meeting. The meeting I go to has been invaluable to me.
Get names and phone numbers. Of course there is always SR. I come here almost everyday and even if I don’t post I read. It helps a great deal!
Hang in there. It does get better. One day at a time
I can see myself in you ten years ago when I first wanted to stop. I felt horrible because I had let down my BF. I drank after five months and instead of trying to face it again I ran away from AA and the BF and went back to drinking for another ten years.
I did not fully understand the AA program and honestly it was because I didn’t try. I had a sponsor, went to meetings and had all the books but I did not want to stop. I only wanted to stop for him. Once he was out of my life, I could go back and drink the way I wanted to. I just found another man that drank like I did to fill in the void.
I just added him as a resentment. Trying to change me, didn’t understand blah blah.
This time I wanted to quit. I was at the bottom emotionally and physically. I was exhausted from fighting with my alcoholism. I was done.
My advice is to give AA a try. Don’t gulp it in, sip it. Take it in slowly. Go to meetings and find a sponsor. There is no time limit to do either. Of course the more meetings and the faster you find a sponsor the more you will get from the program, but that is up to you. Move as fast or as slow as you wish. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking.
Just don’t drink and go to meetings. The first year I see so many people have goals and a list of things they want to do, my goal was to remain sober. That was it. Nothing else on my plate but work and household chores. If you go and once you feel comfortable I recommend a big book meeting. The meeting I go to has been invaluable to me.
Get names and phone numbers. Of course there is always SR. I come here almost everyday and even if I don’t post I read. It helps a great deal!
Hang in there. It does get better. One day at a time
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
it does get easier.
one thing that has helped make it easier for me, is spending a little time every day reading or hearing someone else's story. Other stories like mine. Like yours.
Stories that remind me I'm not alone, not bad or broken or somehow lesser. Stories that remind me why I've chosen sobriety and help me remember how grateful I am for that choice.
Thank you for sharing your story, and for helping me stay sober today.
one thing that has helped make it easier for me, is spending a little time every day reading or hearing someone else's story. Other stories like mine. Like yours.
Stories that remind me I'm not alone, not bad or broken or somehow lesser. Stories that remind me why I've chosen sobriety and help me remember how grateful I am for that choice.
Thank you for sharing your story, and for helping me stay sober today.
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