Angelina1982

I'm so over it.. Only by the grace of god is why I'm still in love with him.. Excellent father,husband, friend but he's a drug addict.. His last occur acne was snorting heroine. He gets 5 months clean they relapses on pills for a day. I knew immediately. Kicked him out for a week.. He says "he never thought I'd leave him until now" posted briefly about our situation.. Picture perfect life... From the OUTSIDE anyway. Big beautiful house, blessed 4 great kids, great marriage.. He's as functioning as they come.. Pretty sad that it's taken me 14 years to realize that threats mean NOTHING he has to know we WILL leave him and I can survive without him (I've been a stay at home mom for 10 years) I just made him feel this last week.. FINALLY. how can you HATE someone and be IN LOVE with someone at the same time? I honestly HATE HATE the addict him I'm talking about I completely despise him. To me the drug addict him is nothing more to me than a street bum. Now the guy who is clean is everything the kids and I could want.. I guess I'm looking for advice. Encouragement to be strong.. How should I act with him? He thinks he can sleep with me whenever he wants(I don't think so) he's back in the house and is clean, of course (drug tests) and is aloud to be a family as long as he stays clean. Both me and our son have been on concerta(low dose as prescribed) for ADD for years now and I feel like I have to hide that, too. Even though his preferred drug of choice is opiates.

Btw I've been ADD since I've been 13 and I'm 31 years old. Our son is 12..

zoso77

Angelina...

I responded to your other post, but I'll respond here, too.

The safety and well being of your children come first. And based on that, booting him out of the house was the right play. Do you have family and/or friends that you can lean on during this time?

incitingsilence

How do you act around him?
Well like you.

I wouldn’t treat him in any other way that the capable adult he is.
I think you may need to understand that if you are allowing him in the home, then you are allowing him in the home … that simple. He can use at anytime if he wishes. You don’t have any control there. And the drug testing, while I understand the need many have to do that but surely by now you know when he is using and when he isn’t even if you might not want to accept it in the moment. Believe what you see and drop the drug testing it isn’t healthy at all.

Advice…
Keep the kids first always their health and safety.
Get yourself help and support.
Strong boundaries. They are for how you wish to live and shouldn’t be set with any thinking of if I do this then he will …
Check your motives always.
Don’t enable, don’t make excuses for, don’t bail out, don’t cushion…
Find what you really want and need in this life. Please note nothing here has anything to do with him using or not using.

Work on you.
Leave him to work on himself.

SadWife7

When my husband moved back in, I was not ready for him to and we slept in separate beds for awhile. I would go back to the spare room any time the whole situation got to be too much for me, even if we had been sharing a bed again for awhile. He didn't like it, but it was what I needed to do.