KAD

As an addendum to the thread about "hitting bottom," one thing that has often given me a false sense of confidence is that so many people here, and people I've listened to in AA have had experiences that are so much more horrific than any I've had. There was this man in last night's AA meeting who had ended up in the hospital "bleeding from both ends" as he put it, a woman who had just been released from prison, a man who had a stroke because he drank on Antabuse, a guy who did time because he got drunk and ran over a kid and killed him, etc... The list goes on.

My hell has been a private hell. The complications from my drinking have been physical to some degree, emotional to a larger degree, but I've never ended up in a hospital because of it. I've never had a DUI, never been arrested for anything, never lost a job for drinking, never "bled from both ends," never woke up somewhere and had no idea how I got there, never had a blackout. Hell, I've never even thrown up from drinking. Yet, I still drank a 5th of vodka/day. I've mentioned before that my drinking has been largely under the radar. I've gone to work drunk (daily and drank all day long), gone to church under the influence, sang in a quartet under the influence, gone through license check points all over the country under the influence... I've done stupid and crazy sh1t but just never got caught.

Anyone else like that here? Anyone else who has just been suffering in their own private hell but have largely avoided detection?

ScottFromWI

I would suggest that most people are like that. And even the people who do end up reaching some kind of horrific fate were mostly suffering privately prior to whatever horrific event happened. Alcohlism is a very personal, private thing.

ultradad

The Big Book of AA talks about everyone has to hit their own rock bottom before they are ready for help...I know it took that for me. I would like to think though that some can make it out before that horrific experience. I suffered for years alone, but trust me my rock bottom came!

Aellyce

Yep I was similar to you. No outward tragedies, no abuse, no major losses, some temporary health issues but nothing serious, no conflicts with the law, etc etc. I also got away with many inappropriate behaviors (eg. not showing up at work, avoiding or procrastinating responsibilities, neglecting relationships). But the "private hell" was very hellish for me and for a long enough time for me. Just suffered in silence. Yet I really dislike when people talk about "functional alcoholics". I was very dysfunctional, really.

I think these things are relative and subjective in terms of how we experience our personal struggles in our life and inside. I am pretty sure there would have been more severe external consequences had I not decided to pull my *** together.

KAD

I have had only 2 close calls throughout my 26 year drinking career. Once, I had just left the office for lunch break and had taken one swig from my bottle of gin hidden behind my seat (I drank gin instead of vodka then). Within seconds, I passed a cop sitting by the roadside with his radar gun aimed at me. I was going 10 mph over the limit. So, he pulled me over. I was driving a pickup so my head was level with his as he stood outside my window. He asked if I had been drinking because he detected a faint odor of alcohol. I denied it. Nonetheless, he took me to his car and gave me the breathalyzer. I blew .04 but still swore up and down I had nothing to drink. He said, "I'm going to write up this speeding ticket and in about 5 minutes we're going to do the test again." Meanwhile I'm sweating bullets. By the time he did the test again, that one swig had metabolized and I blew 0. Whew!

Another time was very recent. I was to have a meeting with a work colleague one afternoon. About 20 minutes prior, I had a drink. When the interview was over and I returned to my office, my supervisor called me into her office. She said she was embarrassed to ask me this but the person with whom I had just met claimed to have smelled alcohol on my breath and she asked if I had anything to drink. Deny, deny, deny. She believed me, as did her supervisor, and the whole incident was dropped.

Those are the only 2 times, other than getting caught by my ex-wife and ex-SO from which there could have been real repercussions for my drinking.

Gonnachange

Short answer is: "Yes."

Nothing bad has ever happened to me because of my excessive drinking. No legal, financial, relationship, or business problems. Yet, I know there is a problem. You are not alone.

PurpleKnight

Most people wouldn't have known I had a drinking problem, never lost a job, never lost my driving licence, never divorced, no financial issues etc.

I went to work, did my job, came home, drank until I blacked out into bed, got up and went to work . . . that was my life in a nutshell.

But things started to spiral, my mornings didn't just include a hangover, I started to throw up, abdomen pains started to creep in, my job performance started to decrease, what on the outside may have seemed "functional" on the inside I was pretty "dysfunctional", spiralling into chaos!!

MandalayVA

I was the same. No DUIs, no rehabs, no hospital stays, no job losses. But here came the two-day hangovers, stomach problems (mainly my esophagus), and my poor husband got verbally abused way more than once. Glad to escape that.

NewFighter

Same here, cutting out the crap before I cause damages I cannot change

gottatry

I have had a dui, but other than my wife and on co-worker no one else knows. Well the people at all of the circle k's, and 7-elevens I visited to try and keep my purchased random had to know something.

But I agree with others that most are very good about keeping things "hidden" from family and friends. You are not alone, and I am glad to hear I am not either.

HeadLump

I thought I was extremely lucky to get away with so much - travelling home alone late at night, drunk, across London, getting home covered in bruises but with pretty much everything else intact, losing my purse but not my phone, etc, etc. However, looking back, if the consequences had been less palatable, I might have given up sooner.

The bang on the head that finally put paid to my drinking came at 52. I'm delighted that it seems to have done the trick, but wish it had happened 10 years earlier!

I thought I was getting away with it at work, but I was severely stressed and lacking in confidence. Now I can see that I was short-changing people and giving far less of myself than I could have - and, sadly, I can do nothing to change that now.

So, nothing catastrophic happened to me because of my drinking, apart, that is, from decades of living in the shadows with my face turned to the wall. Sobriety is casting light on that hell, but, mercifully, healing where it falls

Carlotta

Similar to you to: I don't qualify at speaker meetings because my story (on the alcoholic side) is really dull.
I went to work, volunteered, did a lot of community organizing and drank beer behind closed doors home alone. I drank while listening to classical music and was extremely depressed and suicidal going alone through my private little hell.
Still, I consider myself an alcoholic: it's not how much, how often or what we drank but how it affected us. As far as hitting bottom goes, our bottom is what we allow it to be: for some like us it is quite high for other it gets as low as six feet under.

BGS9595

I realized after a few meetings that my problems paled in comparisons to the horror stories I heard from them. Doesn't change my perception of me being any less of an alcoholic whatsoever, I was just luckier...

KAD

Yeah, but the AV is a conniving little SOB. It has often used that sense of being luckier and coming out relatively unscathed as a reason to drink more. "See? You can hold your liquor. These folks are a buncha lightweights! You're different!" I know that's all BS, but that's often the voice I hear in my head.

Dee74

I know the AV loves to compare things
I could always find someone worse than me - despite the fact I drank all day everyday.

You can drown in an ocean...or in a couple of inches of water.
Drowned is still drowned.

D

501BeautyQueen

Had to look up "AV," but, yeah, I agree. I couldn't do AA because I really haven't had those level of problems. The one meeting I attended with a friend (AV says: as a guest, I totally had no problem har-har) years and years ago was a catch all meeting of all sorts of tragic stories about heroine and meth and drinking a gallon of vodka everyday - I never did any of that!

But who am I really kidding? Honestly, that mindset is the same as people yelling about feminism in the western world being pointless because Saudi Arabia is sooo much worse for women. That's a totally ridiculous way of thinking - one-upping someone or even one-downing someone, however it is that AV of mine is working.

Anywho, probably not much of a revelation to the regulars on these boards, but it's a big one for me.

Johnston

Only bled out one end but talked a lot of s**t out the other. Yeah, it was mostly a private hell.

Dee74

Sorry

AV = Addictive Voice.
It's not my term but it's a useful abbreviation.

D

501BeautyQueen

No worries - I went and looked it up in your guys' pinned helpful acronym thread! Thanks for that, btw!

desypete

never been to hospital YET
never been to jail YET
never got a driving ban YET
not lost my wife YET
not lost my kids YET

the list of yets for people are endless and i firmly believe the yets will come to any alcoholic so long as they keep on drinking

if they give up the drink then they can avoid the yets ever happening