Foolsgold186

I drank last night. I would have been on day 31 if I'd not lifted that drink.

I hate myself! I've let everyone down. I don't think I'll ever get this, why am I like this!

How can I face anyone x

seahorse661

Leigh,

I'm sorry this happened but you can learn from it. You don't fail until you stop trying. What lead up to the drinking? In the past few days were you irritable, frustrated? It helped me to note my emotions before I drank, then I could link them to a situation and slowly I became able to see the warning signs and head them off early

Dee74

Hey Leigh - changing our lives is a hard thing to do.
For most of us it takes a couple of tries.

Beating yourself up only makes you feel like drinking more.

Focus on the positives here - you had 30 days - thats awesome

the task now is to find out what you need to add to what you've been doing, to make this a permanent change

why not join the Class of June for a start?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-9.html

D

Chilledice

You done a whole month!!! You can do it again, and one month can turn into two months, three months, four months and so on! You have PROVEN you have strength so don't feel too down and get back on track!!

Mentium

Sad to read of your lapse. I hope you pick up where you left off - as it were! I have stumbled myself a couple of times since last September but got back up each time because I feel so determined. It doesn't have to be the end!

Lots of support here of course! Even more, it seems if you post pictures of your cats! Take care!

DisplacedGRITS

Leigh, don't get caught up by feeling like you let people down. Shame feeds many a relapse. Something that could have been just a momentary lapse can be fed by guilt and shame into soul shaking, body crushing, total relapse. The best thing to do is to breathe deep, close your eyes and blow it away. Blow away the guilt and shame. Accept what has happened and see what good can come of it. Think about what led to it. You don't have to have any solid answers right away. Just allow yourself to see what happened and be willing to be totally honest with yourself as to the factors that led to the emotions that encouraged the actions that resulted in your drinking. The answers won't come immediately (usually) but they will come so long as you let honesty and truth enter you mind without the fog of guilt and shame obscuring them.

Absence of guilt and shame is not pride. It's a neutral state where truth and thoughtfulness can mingle and acceptance and serenity can be born.

soberclover

When I am feeling bad about something that happened, I try to switch my thinking to WHY it happened rather than dwell in the fact that it happened. Maybe you thinking about WHY you picked up the drink vs. feeling bad about drinking would be more helpful. We CAN learn from our mistakes. It is a skill that we alcoholics need to learn as we aren't very good at this concept to begin with

Justin1988

Be proud of what uve done I'm in withdrawl hell right. Day 30 would be amazing for me to get to

HeadLump

Leigh, you've shown great strength of character by coming on here and telling all of us. Please don't hate yourself. This is a chance for you to learn something and move on

30 days was great! Now get back on the horse and do it again - you know you can

AlcoholFree66

I totally understand the personal disappointment you seem to be feeling Leigh! But you've come straight back and the days will clock up again. Well done for your honesty and desire to get sober.

LadyinBC

I hate the word fail. You did not fail. Okay you screwed up, however, you have 30 days of sober time that you did. Do you know how hard that is?

Don't hate yourself and don't get into that bad thinking. Move onward and focus on what you can do next time to avoid this happening again.

Geeky

if it helps, try look at it the way did, and view the whole thing as a project and you`ve conducted an experiment to perfect it.

since there`s no such thing as a "Failed Experiment" only more Data, you are now even Better armed with useful information to make your Next go even More likely to succeed!

just have a good hard look at the whole situation before you had that drink, and grab as much as you can learn from it, and think how you can change it the next time something similar crops up, Iv done it dozens of times (though never 31 days), and each time makes me stronger and better equiped to deal with my Next go

take something Positive out of it, that way YOU win!

Marcher13

Pick yourself up Leigh and dust yourself off, you haven't failed unless you don't try again.

Foolsgold186

Thanks for all the kind words guys. I cant understand why I've done this in all honesty, I know the result wont be good!

All i can do is be honest and start again from today. If its made me realise one thing its that I never want to feel like this again.

L x

ultradad

Leigh,

Wow, how awesome that you're reaching out and sharing your experience right after a relapse! Congrats on your strength and courage! This disease is cunning and baffling and it's trying to kill us! I can't count the times I made promises to quit to myself and others only to pickup again! I'm not sure what your plan of recovery is, but I would suggest making one, I use AA and it has saved my life! Also, learn from this and by all means DO-NOT let it beat you up and get you down! Start back today with more resolve than ever and never look back!

You've got this and I believe in you!

letitgo

Leigh, I have failed 100 times in my mind. Just learn from the situation. You put a month together congrats! Just start over. A new fresh beginning. You can do it. Just learn about your triggers and how you can approach the situation differently wish you the best.

PurpleKnight

It's in the past, don't beat yourself up!!

The only thing you can change is here and now, go at it again, many of us needed a few attempts to eventually crack it!!

Nonsensical

I have quit drinking at least a hundred times. I only started living sober once.

30 days is a great start on achieving a sober life. Now let's finish this!

SoberLeigh

Leigh, you have not failed; giving up - now that would be failure; you haven't given up - you came right back.

This Leigh had a thousand Day 1s and one Day 4 before it finally clicked. You made it 30 days!!!!!! You've got this, Leigh.

ChloeRose63

You are not alone...keep being honest because that not only helps you, it helps others who might feel too ashamed to admit a set back. This is a journey not a destination...keep on keepin' on. We are all there by your side! ♡CR