Hi! I'm happy, but depressed too?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: London, England
Posts: 1
Hi! I'm happy, but depressed too?
Greetings from North London
My name is Steve, I've been recovering since last June although I had a relapse at Xmas that lasted until early March when I went into meltdown again. Have been sober since then. My story is a long one (like for most of us I guess) but I ended up on a litre of Vodka a day, drip fed between the hours of 4.00am when I would wake detoxing, until 11.00 when I fell asleep. Every day.
I'm really looking forward to meeting you all and sharing my experiences and learning to recover, but I just wanted to share how I'm feeling now because I nearly picked up last week...
When I first came out of rehab last June, I was very very happy. The euphoria of a new life beckoning and good things happening rather than the crap that had been blighting my existence - it was all hunky dory. It was great being sober and things were positive.
It lasted 6 months, before my over confidence got the better of me and, whilst on holiday in Australia I spotted an off license (liquor store) and a few days later...
I went back for more treatment and came out...more determined, glad to still have a family, but somehow sad. It's a grim determination this time. I now have a long life ahead of me and it's going to be, well, tough. There is also a feeling of being a bit of a 'time bomb', as I am not able to deal with stressful situations, like arguments for example, very well atall. I feel like my brain is collapsing, along with my resolve. Last week was bad. I got into an argument and I took my anger home and made my wife angry too. I can't believe I survived it, to be honest!
That's what is depressing me: how the hell am I going to survive for the rest of my life as a living crisis waiting to happen? I feel much better this week, the issue that arose is now resolved, but it's..........hard. I know that sounds obvious, but I need to find a contentment with my new life. It's not there yet.
Hopefully this strikes a chord with some of you. Has anyone else felt something similar?
Glad I found this forum!!!
Best,
Steve M
My name is Steve, I've been recovering since last June although I had a relapse at Xmas that lasted until early March when I went into meltdown again. Have been sober since then. My story is a long one (like for most of us I guess) but I ended up on a litre of Vodka a day, drip fed between the hours of 4.00am when I would wake detoxing, until 11.00 when I fell asleep. Every day.
I'm really looking forward to meeting you all and sharing my experiences and learning to recover, but I just wanted to share how I'm feeling now because I nearly picked up last week...
When I first came out of rehab last June, I was very very happy. The euphoria of a new life beckoning and good things happening rather than the crap that had been blighting my existence - it was all hunky dory. It was great being sober and things were positive.
It lasted 6 months, before my over confidence got the better of me and, whilst on holiday in Australia I spotted an off license (liquor store) and a few days later...
I went back for more treatment and came out...more determined, glad to still have a family, but somehow sad. It's a grim determination this time. I now have a long life ahead of me and it's going to be, well, tough. There is also a feeling of being a bit of a 'time bomb', as I am not able to deal with stressful situations, like arguments for example, very well atall. I feel like my brain is collapsing, along with my resolve. Last week was bad. I got into an argument and I took my anger home and made my wife angry too. I can't believe I survived it, to be honest!
That's what is depressing me: how the hell am I going to survive for the rest of my life as a living crisis waiting to happen? I feel much better this week, the issue that arose is now resolved, but it's..........hard. I know that sounds obvious, but I need to find a contentment with my new life. It's not there yet.
Hopefully this strikes a chord with some of you. Has anyone else felt something similar?
Glad I found this forum!!!
Best,
Steve M
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Long Island NY
Posts: 105
Hi Smich,
What made you get overconfident? What did you do last June when it was great to be sober and positive to now feeling like a crisis waiting to happen.
When things happen to me I sometimes think it is the end of the world and make a huge deal out of it. It is an easy trap to fall victim. I know I need to take a little time before I act upon it or I will do something I regret. I have to take a step back after I cool down and really assess the situation.
Keep posting your feelings here - you will get some great help from the people here.
What made you get overconfident? What did you do last June when it was great to be sober and positive to now feeling like a crisis waiting to happen.
When things happen to me I sometimes think it is the end of the world and make a huge deal out of it. It is an easy trap to fall victim. I know I need to take a little time before I act upon it or I will do something I regret. I have to take a step back after I cool down and really assess the situation.
Keep posting your feelings here - you will get some great help from the people here.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi Steve, welcome to SR.
Rehab is a great way to get sober, but is not usually effective in keeping you sober. Most rehabs have suggestions of what you should do to stay sober after you leave their care. What did your rehab suggest, and have you been doing it ?
Rehab is a great way to get sober, but is not usually effective in keeping you sober. Most rehabs have suggestions of what you should do to stay sober after you leave their care. What did your rehab suggest, and have you been doing it ?
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