I can't stop
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Fort Lauderdale
Posts: 37
I can't stop
I was on here in March, trying to get this under control. I stopped trying. I need to try again. I don't do anything but drink, play on the Internet while drunk, and sit uselessly at my desk at work, tired because I don't get any sober sleep.
I think it's fair to say I'm wasting my life. I dont see friends anymore, I hardly write anymore, i dont even clean my apartment. I want a new job but the process of finding one would mean putting forth an effort, and why do that when I can improve my life so much more easily by just getting drunk? I hardly talk to my boyfriend because its so much more fun to just focus on the drinking.
Every morning it's, I need to stop drinking. And every evening it's, yes, alright, time to start drinking!
I can't seem to convince myself I need to stop for long enough to stay sober even a week. And I think it's getting worse? I used to be able to stay sober when I went on trips to see my family, but I went this weekend to my sisters and ther pull toward somehow drinking was as strong as it is in daily life. There was a liquor cabinet in the house where my sister is staying, not hers. At one point it used it. Everywhere we went i got a drink. I blacked out in the airport both on the way there and the way back. Blacking out for me is tame, though, like I don't act differently and I function normally, but it's still scary to later look at my notebook and see the stuff I wrote while blacked out and be like, oh. I guess I blacked out again. Huh.
I don't have the will to say no to a drink. I just don't seem to have it. I didn't even get a week last time. I see on here, people talk about getting a "plan." What are these plans, and how does one make one?
-Parnell
I think it's fair to say I'm wasting my life. I dont see friends anymore, I hardly write anymore, i dont even clean my apartment. I want a new job but the process of finding one would mean putting forth an effort, and why do that when I can improve my life so much more easily by just getting drunk? I hardly talk to my boyfriend because its so much more fun to just focus on the drinking.
Every morning it's, I need to stop drinking. And every evening it's, yes, alright, time to start drinking!
I can't seem to convince myself I need to stop for long enough to stay sober even a week. And I think it's getting worse? I used to be able to stay sober when I went on trips to see my family, but I went this weekend to my sisters and ther pull toward somehow drinking was as strong as it is in daily life. There was a liquor cabinet in the house where my sister is staying, not hers. At one point it used it. Everywhere we went i got a drink. I blacked out in the airport both on the way there and the way back. Blacking out for me is tame, though, like I don't act differently and I function normally, but it's still scary to later look at my notebook and see the stuff I wrote while blacked out and be like, oh. I guess I blacked out again. Huh.
I don't have the will to say no to a drink. I just don't seem to have it. I didn't even get a week last time. I see on here, people talk about getting a "plan." What are these plans, and how does one make one?
-Parnell
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Welcome back, Parnell!
A "plan" might mean a lot of things. There is a program called "Rational Recovery" where you make a "Big Plan" to never drink again. And there are people who make a plan to go to meetings, post here every day on SoberRecovery, and take frequent steps to solidify their sobriety.
My wife and I started out trying to be sober a year and a half ago. We had no "plan," but heard about successful people who had gone to ninety AA meetings in ninety days. Lacking any better ideas, we tried that--and it worked!
A "plan" might mean a lot of things. There is a program called "Rational Recovery" where you make a "Big Plan" to never drink again. And there are people who make a plan to go to meetings, post here every day on SoberRecovery, and take frequent steps to solidify their sobriety.
My wife and I started out trying to be sober a year and a half ago. We had no "plan," but heard about successful people who had gone to ninety AA meetings in ninety days. Lacking any better ideas, we tried that--and it worked!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back Parnella, sorry to hear you are so miserable with drinking. That's where most of us ended up though so you definitely aren't alone.
Regarding a "plan" - that can be many things. One of them is going to local support meetings. AA/NA, Smart, etc.. check your local listings, there are many of them in your area. Most 12 step plans involve working a set of steps with a sponsor and attending meetings on a regular basis.
There are also secular/not step plans like AVRT, etc - those are more self paced and require more discipline. They are discussed here and there are also specific subforums on the main page for all the above.
For some people, more drastic measures are necessary - like inpatient or outpatient rehab, or even inpatient detox if you simply cannot stop on your own or are at a point that withdrawals would be dangerous.
The most important piece of the puzzle though is you - you have to want to quit more than you want to drink. It is a choice at the end of the day, so you have to commit to sobriety 100% and do it for yourself. Do you think you are perhaps at that point?
Regarding a "plan" - that can be many things. One of them is going to local support meetings. AA/NA, Smart, etc.. check your local listings, there are many of them in your area. Most 12 step plans involve working a set of steps with a sponsor and attending meetings on a regular basis.
There are also secular/not step plans like AVRT, etc - those are more self paced and require more discipline. They are discussed here and there are also specific subforums on the main page for all the above.
For some people, more drastic measures are necessary - like inpatient or outpatient rehab, or even inpatient detox if you simply cannot stop on your own or are at a point that withdrawals would be dangerous.
The most important piece of the puzzle though is you - you have to want to quit more than you want to drink. It is a choice at the end of the day, so you have to commit to sobriety 100% and do it for yourself. Do you think you are perhaps at that point?
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,644
Welcome back, Parnell. I felt like that in a morning but by tea time I'd lost my resolve and it was time to celebrate again until I passed out on the sofa.
It is a way of life for me ,being sober is one day at a time, they do mingle into weeks and months, though, fairly quickly.
I didn't have a plan so much as not to have that first drink.
Keep visiting us here, it does help, there's a great bunch of people with years of experience and sobriety under their belts. Any time of day.
It is a way of life for me ,being sober is one day at a time, they do mingle into weeks and months, though, fairly quickly.
I didn't have a plan so much as not to have that first drink.
Keep visiting us here, it does help, there's a great bunch of people with years of experience and sobriety under their belts. Any time of day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Sounds like you are on the right path, admitting the problem and then accepting it is key to long term recovery! Acceptance for me was REALLY key! As for a plan I used AA, but there are other options too. AA works for me and has for millions of others. Simply Google AA meetings in your local area and instead of picking up the alcohol and video controller tonight go to a meeting, tell someone you're new and ask for help! Simple, but very effective plan in my experience : )
All the best! YOU got this!
All the best! YOU got this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Fort Lauderdale
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
The most important piece of the puzzle though is you - you have to want to quit more than you want to drink. It is a choice at the end of the day, so you have to commit to sobriety 100% and do it for yourself. Do you think you are perhaps at that point?
Even now, thinking about the fact that alcohol is seriously impacting my life, my brains response is: These thoughts sucks; go have a drink; do it now. I might do it, if I wasn't heading in to work soon.
Is it possible to WANT to be serious, but to not actually be serious? Because if so, that's the place I live. How do you become serious, if you're not? How do you get the strength to really not do it?
-Parnell
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Hampton, VA
Posts: 88
Yes, I'd say that it is entirely possible. I think I 'wanted to be serious' for a long time---years even---until I was really ready and determined.
We all have to find our own place of strength. For me, my Mom died and I swore to stop drinking in her honor.
We all have to find our own place of strength. For me, my Mom died and I swore to stop drinking in her honor.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by parnellatwood
Is it possible to WANT to be serious, but to not actually be serious? Because if so, that's the place I live. How do you become serious, if you're not? How do you get the strength to really not do it?
Then repeat tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
On my run today I was thinking about this.
If you get to serious drinking, after awhile that's all you end up with. It pushes other things out of your life. Family, friends, hobbies, interests -- they tend to get squeezed out. Drinking becomes more and more your main avenue for pleasure/reward as it takes over more of your life.
And that makes it hard to stop. If you get deep enough into it, it's sort of like the big thing in your life. I remember the anticipation of sitting down with a four-pack of 20oz cans of 12% IPA.. totally jazzed. And I didn't have much else to look to, so it was very frightening to contemplate giving that up. I would have, like, no fun at all.
But you gotta do it. You have to take that plunge, dive off that cliff, insert transformational metaphor of your choice here. Because you can't get anywhere without a beginning.
And the first week blows. And the second week kind of blows. I tried to appreciate the good parts -- a refreshing absence of worry, anxiety, and physical illness; the feeling that I was finally acting in lockstep with my values and being the person I want to be; the warm glow of renewed self-respect. Not having to see my drinking habit slow-bleeding my finances.
There are all sorts of good things to focus on in early sobriety if you look for them. Sometimes on here you see people focusing on the bad things. That doesn't help them stick with the program.
That's part of the "plan", maybe a little more amorphous aspect than the simple, "get a scrip for librium to make sure I don't seize up and die choking on my own tongue" (although that's important, too) -- trying to keep a positive attitude and approach. A lot of these battles are lost or won inside your own head.
If you get to serious drinking, after awhile that's all you end up with. It pushes other things out of your life. Family, friends, hobbies, interests -- they tend to get squeezed out. Drinking becomes more and more your main avenue for pleasure/reward as it takes over more of your life.
And that makes it hard to stop. If you get deep enough into it, it's sort of like the big thing in your life. I remember the anticipation of sitting down with a four-pack of 20oz cans of 12% IPA.. totally jazzed. And I didn't have much else to look to, so it was very frightening to contemplate giving that up. I would have, like, no fun at all.
But you gotta do it. You have to take that plunge, dive off that cliff, insert transformational metaphor of your choice here. Because you can't get anywhere without a beginning.
And the first week blows. And the second week kind of blows. I tried to appreciate the good parts -- a refreshing absence of worry, anxiety, and physical illness; the feeling that I was finally acting in lockstep with my values and being the person I want to be; the warm glow of renewed self-respect. Not having to see my drinking habit slow-bleeding my finances.
There are all sorts of good things to focus on in early sobriety if you look for them. Sometimes on here you see people focusing on the bad things. That doesn't help them stick with the program.
That's part of the "plan", maybe a little more amorphous aspect than the simple, "get a scrip for librium to make sure I don't seize up and die choking on my own tongue" (although that's important, too) -- trying to keep a positive attitude and approach. A lot of these battles are lost or won inside your own head.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hi:
It took me years to quit. I am 34 now and have known that I have a problem since I was about 24-25. That was the first time I really thought to myself that I would be better off not drinking. After a binge I would say that I would not drink again, but after the hangovers from hell were over I would try to control my drinking but it would always end up in a blackout and mine weren't nice...
After really buckling down and revising my life, what I want it to be and how I want to live it, I just came to the determination to not drink again. None of this half-way, maybe a drink or 2. NONE. So that is my plan. I will not drink tonight. Now that that is my standard I have had a weight lifted off my shoulders because I don’t have to even think about it.
I have not gone to AA but I have been reading here for about a month and a half and it really helps me. Find what works for you, there is plenty of info here.
I will tell you. It has been one of the best desicions of my life.
It took me years to quit. I am 34 now and have known that I have a problem since I was about 24-25. That was the first time I really thought to myself that I would be better off not drinking. After a binge I would say that I would not drink again, but after the hangovers from hell were over I would try to control my drinking but it would always end up in a blackout and mine weren't nice...
After really buckling down and revising my life, what I want it to be and how I want to live it, I just came to the determination to not drink again. None of this half-way, maybe a drink or 2. NONE. So that is my plan. I will not drink tonight. Now that that is my standard I have had a weight lifted off my shoulders because I don’t have to even think about it.
I have not gone to AA but I have been reading here for about a month and a half and it really helps me. Find what works for you, there is plenty of info here.
I will tell you. It has been one of the best desicions of my life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 23
Hi Parnella,
I've only been sober 2 days but I've been at this stage before multiple times ...but this is the time I can feel it & something is definatley different so fingers crossed.
Your post really rang true with me because it sounds so like what I was doing. I just felt like 'aw eff it what's the point, might as well just have a bottle of wine and everything will seem better' despite knowing in my heart of hearts it was only going to get worse.
Not going to lie, the first few days are always cruddy for me, and everyone I guess, but the last time I quit was about a month ago and it was for 3 weeks and it was the best 3 weeks I've had in years. Which is why even though I feel rough now I know it will be worth it.
My plan for the next few days is to eat & drink anything I want as long as it isn't alcohol obv.
Because my body is craving nutrition it's normally healthyish stuff although a lot of ice cream is involved
After a few days - because my body feels happy again - I feel happy again in myself and I don't want booze. I only fell off last time because I was an idiot who got too uppity with herself.
Just for the love of god don't hit rock bottom before you face what is inevitably going to be tough anyway.
Good luck
I've only been sober 2 days but I've been at this stage before multiple times ...but this is the time I can feel it & something is definatley different so fingers crossed.
Your post really rang true with me because it sounds so like what I was doing. I just felt like 'aw eff it what's the point, might as well just have a bottle of wine and everything will seem better' despite knowing in my heart of hearts it was only going to get worse.
Not going to lie, the first few days are always cruddy for me, and everyone I guess, but the last time I quit was about a month ago and it was for 3 weeks and it was the best 3 weeks I've had in years. Which is why even though I feel rough now I know it will be worth it.
My plan for the next few days is to eat & drink anything I want as long as it isn't alcohol obv.
Because my body is craving nutrition it's normally healthyish stuff although a lot of ice cream is involved
After a few days - because my body feels happy again - I feel happy again in myself and I don't want booze. I only fell off last time because I was an idiot who got too uppity with herself.
Just for the love of god don't hit rock bottom before you face what is inevitably going to be tough anyway.
Good luck
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by parnellatwood
I don't have the will to say no to a drink.
A plan means different things to different people. I use it to mean I have planned out what I am going to do the next time I feel that insane, insatiable desire to drink again. I know I am going to feel that compulsion again, but I also know what I am going to do when it happens. I find having that plan in place builds my confidence.
Welcome back. Best of Luck on Your Journey!
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