lonelystar

honestly I have been hesitating to write , but i think if i let it out i will feel better. Yes my son is sober from heroin/opiates going on 7 months now, sad part he's using other substances since he is on the vivitrol shot, let me say that the vivitrol shot for those that want off of drugs is a wonderful tool, in my own sons words he hardly had any cravings and very little side effects, so how do i explain why he is using, i don't and can't, i think he is using benzos of some kind and possibly crack , he had been struggling with sobriety so although i am sad and a bit surprised I'm not that surprised. We recently got into a terrible fight he's not with me and I believe we as a family have come to our end with him what more can i offer him I can't stop for him, I can't do the hard work , all in all I have nothing to offer him and my health any sanity are on the ropes here , Im not sure if he will wake up or this will lead into a full blown relapse but i do know that i need to stay away from him as sad as that sounds, in fact I've come to the conclusion that helping him out of any mess would harm him in the long run. So all day I have been dealing with those stomach butterflies even had a fleeting moment of trying to go find him to save him…ha thats laughable how do you save someone that doesn't want to be saved??, but all in all in doing OK, thanks for reading …

zoso77

Hell of a lesson you've learned, isn't it? You're doing the right thing, and yet there's still that nagging little part of you that wants to intervene.

Sorry to hear your son is on the path he's on. Will be thinking of both of you tonight.

Lotusangel

Lonelystar,

I am also a mother of an opiate addict son. I empathize with you. It gives me butterflies too just thinking of the hard decisions I have to make and what the outcome will be. I know, too, that I am getting closer to my limit; that alone makes me sad and more fearful. But I am also aware that I cannot prevent the inevitable because it is out of my control.

DJ0822

I too know how tough a position you are in. I hope your butterflies will go away and replace with good feelings that you are doing the best you can in a horrible situation. I know your pain as a mom who has been there. **{hugs}}

needingabreak

Lonelystar very sorry to read what you are going through. As another Mom of a RAS I sympathize and feel the heartache coming from your words. I know that feeling well. I know how hard it is to let go and not know what is going on with your son and wanting so badly to just HELP. My husband and I realized the best way to help was not to help and that was when my son had to fall and came to us and asked for help meaning rehab. That feeling on not being able to do anything is brutal, but it is also what could bring your son back. I am praying for both of you. Huge gentle hugs to you.

carguysgirl

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. My own experience that I've here for is a second hand one. Watching my bf struggle through his 18 year old daughter's heroin addiction. I believe you're right to not rescue and for exactly the reason you've stated. Last summer he put himself into a dangerous situation involving guns and scary people and literally dragged her home. It changed nothing except to traumatize me with fear that her addiction will get them both killed . she's back in the same scene and never even thanked him for saving her. I hope it's OK to post this-just want to emphasize that teaching is dangerous and thankless work!

carguysgirl

I meant rescuing not teaching! Sorry have to use my phone and this site is especially difficult for me to use this keyboard at.

Ilovemysonjj

Dear LonelyStar, I too understand how the anxiety can come back upon learning our dear children have chosen to use again. Our son did so well in his rehab and then came home last October. He did "okay" for a while, but then the claws got in him again and we ended up making him leave. He chose another inpatient and that is where he is today. This is the umpteenth relapse/recovery run for him and frankly I am more numb than ever. I hesitate to hope again as his last "run" nearly killed my marriage and my health. Letting go takes every ounce of faith and hope in God. BUT there is freedom in doing so. I know that voice that keeps coming back to say "did I do enough?" "what else can I do?", etc. That is our codependent AV coming up for air. Your son sounds like he isnt hiding anything so you can be direct and up front and let him know where you stand in terms of what your boundaries are. My son knows, our home is NOT available to him and so he has to figure this out on his own. Sending Mamma sized hugs and love
TT

Raider

I'm so sorry to hear this. What heartbreaking stories. I wish I could help, I'll pray for all of you and your families. It's just tragic. This disease sucks all round. Blessings.

hopeful4

I am so sorry. There are lots of other parents of addicts here that will offer you wonderful support. I believe you are doing the right thing. Without consequences you rob the addict of any sort of recovery.

Tight Tight Hugs.

lonelystar

thank you all for the hugs and words of strength , the other day i was thinking there are people in this world fighting for their life everyday, people dying everyday here is my son disregarding his life, such a precious thing it has taken me a long time to come to the point where i honestly don't want to see him when he is using period. At this point my boundaries are firmly in place, I have made so many mistakes that i can't count them all my weakness has taken away his ability to face his consequences. Right now I am on limited contact with him and Im doing ok, at times better than ok and its ok to be ok…….