lovesymphony

How does someone relapse after three months or more of sobriety? Isn't the hardest part over? Didn't the drinker discover something that worked? Did an urge just come out of nowhere or was a lot of that sober time a struggle?? That's what I wonder the most.

I'm on day 10 after a slip up with two bottles of wine. This is the longest I've gone where I haven't WANTED to drink. No urges, no cravings, no drink fantasies. Ok, a few times I had a brief thought that a few beers sounded nice...but there was no struggle behind it and I knew I didn't want one in reality. I have so little interest in alcohol I've been losing track of days sober. I just know my last slip was June 6. I hope this is IT. I feel like it is but it's only been a week and a half...and I hear of the others who head back..

It has just always confused me when happily sober people go back to drinking. I'm afraid there's something lurking in the future I need to beware of.

Dee74

I think there are many reasons lovesymphony.

Fear, doubt, resentment, not wanting to be different, complacency, hopes that things might be different now, a wrong but sincere belief that we could 'stop at one' and then go back to sobriety tomorrow...

Addiction tries very very hard to convince us we're not addicted

As long as you always remember, and accept, you are addicted? I think you're ahead of the game

I went back to drinking many many times over 20 years..Most time I only last 2 days. My record was 2 months.

Since I accepted I'm an alcoholic and always will be, I haven't relapsed.

We can, and we do, change...and we can live happy sober lives

D

LadyinBC

I'm glad you posted this. I have to admit I have been feeling a bit scared lately about relapsing. Not that I'm planning on it but how easy it would be more me to go back to it.

DisplacedGRITS

My relapses have several things in common. First, I began to isolate. I started becoming dishonest. I did not share my feelings. I became afraid. Afraid of what? Well, I was afraid to go back to meetings. I was afraid of what people would think. I was afraid of being so different than the normies. I began to think that one or two beers wouldn't hurt. I hid those feelings. I was dishonest when I went about life like it was fine. I became upset with my relationship with alcohol. I came to not accept that my relationship with alcohol was what it was. I lied to myself and I believed the lie. I became proud. I assured myself that previous abstinence meant that I had control. I became The Boss of my world. I decided I could bend my relationship with alcohol into something it wasn't. I could force it to be what I wanted it to be. I bought the beer and deep inside, I knew what was happening. The problem was that I'd lied to myself so convincingly that I chose to believe it rather than the truth I knew. My memory of alcohol's misery became vague while my memories of the euphoria alcohol brought me became bright fans shiny. It beckoned me to the bottle and I embraced it while a tiny voice inside me wailed and cried out in agony.

Drinking led to an all encompassing relapse which led to humiliation, sad pride and hopelessness. I was unlovable to myself and could not see anyone wanting to help me. I projected my misery and disdain into the emotions of people I secretly knew would help me. If I couldn't stand myself, how could anyone else stand me? I was in self perpetuating misery and isolation.

Sometimes, I stayed out for a little while. Sometimes, I stayed out for a long while. Different things brought me back but at the core is this. Humility, longing, acceptance and honesty. I have never come back from a relapse and regretted getting back on the wagon. I have not been turned away when seeking recovery. Always, the hand of recovery has reached back when I reached out. For that, I am forever grateful and I promise to always be reaching out for anyone who needs a hand.

Kiya

I was at 102 days my most recent relapse back to drinking and it's not an event. It's more a process for me as DisplacedGRITS shared above. First I let my morning routine go. I quit spending time alone in prayer and reflection. I quit looking inside myself and evaluating myself. Then I let myself start considering maybe I'm not really an alcoholic after all. Maybe I just drank for 8 years straight because of routine; and now that I broke that routine I was fine. I could handle 100 days without it entirely how could I not handle going a couple days between drinks and be a normal drinker?

If I had to suggest something to you it would be to remember that you are never cured when you are an alcoholic. You have to accept that and always keep working toward recovery because it's an ongoing process.

Joe Nerv

I'm one of those fortunate people who came into recovery once only. I often ask myself how and why others have gone out, yet I haven't. Am I special? I don't think so. The answer I seem to come up with most is that I was incredibly open minded and willing. I didn't question anything I was told. I took every single suggestion that I could, and can't remember a single time that I said, "No. That might work for you, but it won't for me". At least not about anything that I knew came out of more than one persons mouth regarding sobriety. I also believe I would never be cured of this disease, and continue to do the things I did when I first got sober. I don't make as many meetings as I used to, but I have a big fat bag full of tools, and I use them every single day. Because of that sober hours turned to days, turned to weeks, months, years, and now decades. Relapses aren't requirements for sobriety, yet relapses are a part of many people's recovery. Some folks need some convincers before they become truly ready.

mecanix

I think my sobriety relies upon me doing a certain amount of maintenance to make sober life as glorious as i can make it .
Encouraging others , being reminded of the struggle and confusion, keeping honest and humble .
Sometimes my attitude and thinking gets stinky and i head towards an area others have said might be going towards dangerous territory .
I try to be aware of this and moderate my attitude and behaviour accordingly . Since my epiphany moment it's gone ok.

Long may it continue eh ?

Bestwishes, m

Gottalife

In the AA big book, several individuals talk about relapsing. There seem to be several factors in common. Each had talked to an AA member and felt they weren't that bad. They were confident they could handle sobriety on their own, especially now that they were armed with a good deal of knowledge about themselves. Self knowledge was they key. These were capable people so there was a certain logic to their beliefs.

One. It seems, had a run in with his boss and may have been resentful. The obsession came back and he though it would be ok to drink. All the reasons he shouldn't drink did not come to mind.

Another just drank because he thought a cocktail before dinner would be nice. Again there was a complete failure of the kind of defence that stops one from putting ones hand on a hot stove. A strange mental blank spot where we can't remember with enough force why we shouldn't drink.

The AA experience is that at certain times we have no effective mental defence against the first drink. Hence the need for a complete psychic change through the steps in order to recover. Until that psychic change occurs, alcoholics of my type can drink at any time.

IOAA2

Hi. There are many reasons people do strange things like drinking after even long periods of sobriety. First we are alcoholics which means that drinking is a natural thing we desire to do. Next I think we forget all the pain we went through to sober up, partly because we are not honest with ourselves about many aspects of our drinking. Perhaps once we’ve been sober for awhile we don’t do much to promote sobriety in our minds. In other words we slide along thinking yesterdays sobriety can keep us sober in the future.

BE WELL

Mountainmanbob

I have been in and out of sobriety for a long time and the list is too long to list.

self-deception would be the main thing to watch for.

Mountainman

Croissant

I think that's key. Every single day, I am still an alcoholic....I just happen to not have alcohol in my system, but give me a couple and I'll be fretting we won't have enough to last me the night. It's ridiculous, it's annoying, but that's the way it is. I can't drink safely or predictably at ANY level.

You gotta love how our addictive voice pulls that $#!* on us. Mine did that today, briefly - apparently maybe I only drank because I was unhappy with my career for a few years. It was a fleeting thought, totally illogical, but yeah, they float up.

DoubleDragons

I am 8.5 months sober on my first try. I came close to relapsing just over a week ago because it was my son's graduation. My extended family was in town for this and they are all big drinkers. I was feeling resentful and left out, but I told on myself here and luckily, I did not relapse. I have noticed that in the last 8 months, celebratory times seem to be my biggest triggers, so I really amp up my time on SR and reading on alcoholism during those times.

Something that Dee always says really sticks with me. Don't confuse abstinence with control.

MrBen

I think people relapse because the real reason they drank in the first place are likely still there.

LBrain

When you are not drinking - sober - think of it as being in remission.

ultradad

One of the scariest speaker meetings I ever went to was a guy that spoke about how he had 15 years sorority and then relapsed! It scared the crap out of me! I mean, really...you think after 15 years you'd have it all figured out, but he shared the jest of what has been said above. He stopped going to his AA meetings, stopped working with others and next thing you know he's holding a drink in his hand!

Thank God he made it back, some don't! It just made me realize that this disease will be with me for the rest of my life and I can never take it for granted and MUST continue to do whatever possible to stay sober!

I've heard it said that relapse is part of a lot of peoples story in recovery, but that it doesn't have to be part of yours!

Nuudawn

Unfortunately, we cannot predict the future. States of mind are not static. Just last night I realized, that any relapse of an addictive behaviour I have succumbed to has been my inability to "get through" a particular moment, situation, emotion...

I wanted to feel differently than I did..in that particular moment. I wanted to exert control over my feelings via a substance. I wanted a shortcut to change...instant relief...rather than riding it out.

I wanted to circumvent "this to shall pass". I could not accept the moment as it was... I did not pause and allow something different.

I resisted what was by not resisting the wrong answer.

jdooner

I find acceptance that you are an alcoholic and/or an addict is key. From what I have seen many that trick themselves into believing they got over this disease tend to relapse. This is my greatest risk. I can see my mind going through the rationalization, was I really that bad? How could I possibly quit and make it stick given the odds, blah blah blah.

Once I accepted that I am an alcoholic and I am an addict then I was open to change, real change. I am willing to do whatever it takes to never go back to the hell I was living. This means structure and a lot of hard work. I am confident but not arrogant that this will provide the tools to keep me abstinent.

Mindfulness and awareness has helped tremendously to know that when my ego (false sense of self) is feeling puffed up or bruised its when my mind craves to change my current state. Knowing what is occurring has helped because I can then open my recovery tool box and deal with life on life's terms.

Tamerua

Being in recovery is working and people sometimes stop working... I think. I just heard of a guy who went back out after 11 years. Man, that scares me. But it also shows me that I need to keep doing what I'm doing.

MIRecovery

I believe it is the misconception that all you have to do is quit drinking without changing anything else

Mek2

I think a huge reason people relapse after 30 days etc. is they think they can moderate. You start to feel better and then wham! the AV tells you that just 1 or 2 is possibility. The AV lies