Starlyte

I'm really hesitant about going to AA. I don't trust people and I fear that, with open human interaction about my addiction will only allow for more judgement that I can't handle right now.

KAD

Between you and me, I don't do AA either, but I plan to start going just because I'm so tired of being all alone with this. I have suffered withdrawal after withdrawal all alone and it sucks. My main motivation is just to be around people who are suffering through the same things. They have a motto "take what you want and leave the rest." That's pretty much how I feel about it. I've avoided AA for the most part because of the religious aspect, but I could sure use some friends who "get it."

Dee74

Based on my time here at SR, the majority of people report that their first meeting is awesome - they feel really welcome.

What leads you to think you'll be judged starlyte?

D

hokey

Please don't be afraid of judgement ... that is not what you will find at a meeting

Soberpotamus

I felt the same when I went to my first meetings. I still feel shame when I walk into a meeting. But I think mine has a lot to do with the fact my mom was an alcoholic, attended AA, carried me with her... and so I still associate past childhood traumas with the AA environment.

My suggestion is to go anyway. Going caused me tremendous distress and anxiety at times, but I usually was glad I went afterward.

Some of us have a lot of baggage to work through. Sometimes doing what you know will benefit you, despite your initial negative reactions, is taking good care of yourself. Besides, you can always walk out of there if you need to.

MIRecovery

Of all places in the world you won't be judged AA is the place. We have all been through the hell of alcoholism. You will hear people laughing about deeds you would not tell someone on your death bed. AA is not a place of judgment it is a place of healing

Anna

You should do whatever it takes to get and stay sober.

DoubleBarrel

AA is the one place where people don't judge you! Besides, you are under no obligation to talk.

Maybe just go and listen, and you will hear something that you need. That ALWAYS happens for me. One thing that I love is all recovering people in different phases, and so often there is someone struggling with a similar situation that I can relate to.

Isolation is deadly to alcoholics. Maybe if you go and don't share, you'll at least see what it's like?

miamifella

I do not do 12-step recovery but I spent years in it. I had issues with it..but I think for someone entering recovery it is a good place to go.

If you are uncomfortable, just do not share anything personal. It is that simple. If you do not share your life with them, they cannot make any judgements. And you will have the benefit of hearing things that might help you.

anattaboy

AA requires a huge investment of time to find the right people that you feel comfortable enough with to talk to but in early sobriety most of us have time to fill that was normally spent drinking so why not. In a group of 25, if you listen for a couple weeks you can usually find 2 or 3 who have their head on straight and yes, you approach them and ask if they would mind having coffee and talk. They will say yes and good fellowship usually follows. Many will approach you and are friendly. The human communion is hard to come by elsewhere. I'm an atheist but still sometimes join in the lords prayer (sans reciting) for the feeling of unity (it's there).

desypete

dont worry about religious things in aa, just go and if you go to a good meeting were people will share there storys with you i am sure you will get so much id that you will want to go again : )

neferkamichael

Starlyte, if ya don't like going to meetings don't go back, AA isn't the only way to stay sober, rootin for ya.

schnappi99

I'm buddhist but join in the lords prayer with complete goodwill. Its so easy to let religion get in the way and become an obstacle to recovery. I was reluctant to do the prayer for a while but I started asking myself "how sick do I have to get before trying recovery". I'm not picking up the Bible, I'm picking up the recovery texts & exercises- they are my focus.

Its said one's religious views can end up redefined by working the steps, I'm all for it no matter what I end up with- if I end up believing differently then the old stuff was holding me back and I'll be glad to be rid of it.

DisplacedGRITS

I am a member of AA. My sobriety date is March 25, 2014. I have a sponsor who has a sponsor. I have a homegroup and a service position there. I attend at least 3-4 meetings a week, one of which is a women's meeting. I go fellowshipping with other sober alcoholics at least once a week. AA is saving my life again but this time, i'm investing everything i have into it so that there is no chance of me relapsing.

I recommend that you call your local AAs hotline. Give them informations about yourself (age, sex, sobriety time) and tell them what you're looking for. There are meetings geared towards all kinds of people. There are men's meetings, women's meetings, young people's meetings, LGBTQIA meetings, Christian meetings, Hispanic meetings....you name it. In large metro areas, the variety is as far reaching as the diversity of alcoholics who suffer. By calling and talking to someone, they can help you choose a meeting that may fit you best. Speaker meetings are usually pretty generic meetings and can put less pressure on you than a discussion meeting.

As far as judging goes, anyone in AA who judges you probably has problems beyond even their comprehension. Few AAs dare judge anyone else because we have all done some horrible **** throughout our drinking careers. We simply do not have the desire to judge. These emotions are toxic to us and we understand that.

Last thing...don't tell yourself that you don't trust people. I have a friend in AA who has been spinning his wheels for months because he reinforces his trust issues at every meeting. I am concerned for him. I don't think we do ourselves any good by saying what we can't do. You don't have to go out there and throw all your trust on people you've just met. Just don't negatively reenforce these thoughts. You gain nothing from it. Instead, approach the possibility of developing new relationships with cautious optimism. You'd be amazed how simply removing negative self talk can liberate and empower yourself.

If you have questions, ask. Don't be ashamed of your sobriety date. I was at a young people's convention earlier this year. We did a sobriety countdown in the convention center. We had a man with 54 years all the way down to a guy with 9 hours (or maybe it was 6). I had 12 days and when they called my days, i stood on my chair and yelled for all i was worth. The guy with 9 hours got a standing ovation. He actually got longer, louder cheering than the man with 54 years. They brought the oldtimer on stage and he gave the newbie a Big Book. Sobriety, of any length, is enthusiastically celebrated. If the meeting offers a coin ceremony and you would like a 24 hour coin, go for it. If they offer you a schedule of meetings take it. If they offer you phone numbers, accept them. Those numbers are life savers. No one offers their number and hopes that no one calls. Call, call, call until someone answers and they will!

Basically, give it a shot. Ask for help, don't judge all of AA by one meeting (i've been to great meetings and major stinkers. Most are simply good to great), share what you will and have an open mind and heart. Good luck!

Gottalife

[QUOTE=DisplacedGRITS;4720270]I . I have a friend in AA who has been spinning his wheels for months because he reinforces his trust issues at every meeting. I am concerned for him. I don't think we do ourselves any good by saying what we can't do. You don't have to go out there and throw all your trust on people you've just met. Just don't negatively reenforce these thoughts. You gain nothing from it. Instead, approach the possibility of developing new relationships with cautious optimism. You'd be amazed how simply removing negative self talk can liberate and empower yourself. "

I sometimes think the trust issue is more one of control. If I tell someone something, or they find out what I'm really like, I can't control their reaction. They may ridicule me or chuck me out, or tell someone else and bring shame upon me.

I felt like this precisely because I was full of shame. I don't want anyone to know what I'm like. It's based in control, which is based in fear.

I didn't have to tell anyone anything at an AA meeting, or when I was spending time with the first AA member i met as the result of calling AA.

They told me their stories. They were so open and honest about their pasts, it wasn't long before they won my confidence, and I found some people I could talk more freely to.

All I had to do was listen for the similarities, and keep an open mind.

StormiNormi

AA is a spiritual program, not a religious one.
Religion is man made, complete with legalism, judgement, and self posturing.
AA encourages you to find your own conception of faith. There are no rules, no hierarchy, no absolutes. The word God is used, only to signify a higher power. One that works for you. That HP is designed by you, alone. Religion has nothing to do with it.

DisplacedGRITS

I totally understand, gottalife! I have the same issues regarding control and fear. I want to MAKE people like me. I'm learning now to let this go. Serenity Prayer and all that. The only thing I truly have control over is myself and my actions. All I can do is be a person I would like and accept people for who they are. They can like me or not. As long as I can go to bed at night liking and respecting myself. So far, I'm good living with that.

Mountainmanbob

no one is forced to talk there

KAD

I understand what you're saying but I tend to lump the two together, because after a while they sort of blur into the same concept - religion vs. spirituality. I think perhaps it is the whole idea of being powerless and needing a higher power at all that I reject to some degree. I don't want to get into arguing methods (mostly because that's forbidden here!) and what does or doesn't work - lots of different ways work for different people - but if I start feeling steered in the direction of HAVING to find a higher power, that's when I will abandon AA. I really am only interested in being around others who understand what I'm going through because I'm sick of doing this on my own.

DisplacedGRITS

I have done a lot of thinking about religion, spirituality and the concept of a Higher Power in regards to my sobriety. I was raised a Roman Catholic. I believed in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I prayed nightly and I hhad a very juvenile relationship with God. God was the Father. He provided. I did not question this. I made many requests of God as a child does. The thing is, I did not understand that to get what I asked God for, I needed to do my part. I made demands and was dissatisfied when God did not meet them. Perhaps God didn't care about me. What's God's deal anyway? As I grew older, I rebelled against God and his Church. I found that I desired a life free from the Church, which I began to view as greedy, corrupt and more concerned with appearances than salvation. I could not accept a life where my salvation was entirely reliant upon a relationship with God through a Church I had become disgusted with. So I abandoned the Church and in doing so, I abandoned God.

I gave up my spirituality because I believed that God was the Church and to abandon the Church was to abandon God. In essence, I threw the baby out with the bathwater.

I avoided AA for a long time because it was suspicious. I attended one meeting. It was a "spiritual" program that took place in churches and talked about God with an uppercase G. Oh noooo, hahaha! You ain't fooling me. I know religion when I see it. I worked too hard to get away from the Church. There was no way I was getting roped back in. I'm far too clever for that. So God stayed in His Church and I stayed in my house. My drinking was too important to me to investigate this crazy program. I was too unique for it.

Fast forward several years and I've been to rehab twice. Kicked out the second time for drinking. I am quite disappointed that rehab didn't cure me. I blamed the facility for not addressing my issues. I blamed insurance for not letting me go inpatient. I blamed Milwaukee for not having my friends and family there for support and for it's drinking culture. I blamed everyone while taking no responsibility. I spent a few weeks reaching a physical and spiritual low. I should have died. I was barely able to walk. Going without alcohol resulted in withdrawals so bad that I couldn't hold a cup, walk down a few steps or even walk sometimes. One night, I had to crawl 10 feet from my bedroom to the bathroom then 10 feet back. It took an hour.

I finally went to an AA meeting that was at a place called the Unity Club. It wasn't a church so I figured God wouldn't be there. I was quite irritated that people mentioned God and it was still in the book and in there steps. Then I read all of Step 3. I finally read it with the intention of understanding it. "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." Wait...what? Aren't these people supposed to tell me who God is? If this is the religious cult I believe it to be, there needs to be a unifying God. Everyone has to believe in the same God. That's how it friggin works! So...wait...this God isn't God? This God is my God? As I understood Him? Her? It? What?

So I wondered and I pondered. With no unifying God, where was our salvation? Who delivered us from evil? So...how did I understand God? Honestly, I didn't. I had no concept of a Higher Power that wasn't tied to religion. I was now free to ponder how a God of sorts can exist outside of religion. I finally had the freedom to allow spirituality into my life without the constraints of religion. The door to spirituality as it pertains to my life was finally cracked open and I began to peek in.

I'd like to say that I diligently worked on cultivating a spiritual connection to my Higher Power who I prefer to not call God. I still recoiled from the G Word but it no longer scares me or offends me anymore. I tried to work the program my way for several years. I found a lot of my spirituality in the Fellowship of AA for a few years and that sustained me in general but when I was alone and I began to isolate, I had no spiritual recourse. It was just me, alone and I couldn't stand that so I primed myself for several relapses.

Back in March of this year, I had several experiences that made it very clear that my Higher Power was going to make itself known. Fortunately, I was finally receptive enough to accept these consequences as a bridge to connect me to my HP and I was encouraged to develop a spiritual relationship. Since then, I have found that my spiritual life has begun to bloom. I feel a relationship with the Universe like I've ever known. I feel energy around me and I feel how my spiritual wellness can influence that energy. Basically, I work to cultivate positive energy around my. I smile, I make eye contact with people, I make myself of service as often as possible and I try to be a bright spot in someone's day. I am continually working to be an agent of peace. I spent too many years as an agent of chaos.

So, that's my long winded spiel on religion, God, spirituality and AA. I hope it helps someone. It has helped me a lot to type it out.