I'm back and barely hanging on.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: All over the place
Posts: 13
I'm back and barely hanging on.
Was here in December and had lots of nice support. We went home for Christmas where my husbands family talked to him and he agreed to go to rehab.
Once we got home he DIDNT go to rehab, and got sober for a month before relapsing. It's been downhill since.
He attends an outpatient group 1x a week, but just goes through the motions. He won't talk about it and gets upset when I bring it up.
This morning (after he was drunk yesterday) I walked out said "Happy Father's Day" he started in on me, saying I blame everything on him and he's sick of it and to just ******* deal with it.
We start counseling today and he said "maybe it'll come out in counseling today" why he's so angry at me.
This is just typical deflection but today was bad. He has zero empathy and I see hate in his eyes. I wanted to make him breakfast for Father's Day and he wAs pissed I wasn't up early enough (yet his snoring kept me up late).
Also, he had our daughter yesterday and came home drunk. I confronted him and he said he was drinking after driving in the car park. (Yeah right)
Now he's off to swim lessons with our daughter. I'm so sick of this I want to leave. We're living abroad and it makes it difficult. He keeps our passports all together. I'm concerned for my daughters safety regarding drinking and driving. He denies it but I don't believe him.
I don't know what I'm looking for, but I feel so alone and just need to hear that someone has been there, that I need to stay strong and not let him manipulate me into thinking I've done something wrong.
I mean, if someone drinks and lies everyday how can the major issues in the relationship not be about them?
The sad thing is there's a side to him that is a great father, but a great father can't be a drunk and liar and put others lives at risk.
Once we got home he DIDNT go to rehab, and got sober for a month before relapsing. It's been downhill since.
He attends an outpatient group 1x a week, but just goes through the motions. He won't talk about it and gets upset when I bring it up.
This morning (after he was drunk yesterday) I walked out said "Happy Father's Day" he started in on me, saying I blame everything on him and he's sick of it and to just ******* deal with it.
We start counseling today and he said "maybe it'll come out in counseling today" why he's so angry at me.
This is just typical deflection but today was bad. He has zero empathy and I see hate in his eyes. I wanted to make him breakfast for Father's Day and he wAs pissed I wasn't up early enough (yet his snoring kept me up late).
Also, he had our daughter yesterday and came home drunk. I confronted him and he said he was drinking after driving in the car park. (Yeah right)
Now he's off to swim lessons with our daughter. I'm so sick of this I want to leave. We're living abroad and it makes it difficult. He keeps our passports all together. I'm concerned for my daughters safety regarding drinking and driving. He denies it but I don't believe him.
I don't know what I'm looking for, but I feel so alone and just need to hear that someone has been there, that I need to stay strong and not let him manipulate me into thinking I've done something wrong.
I mean, if someone drinks and lies everyday how can the major issues in the relationship not be about them?
The sad thing is there's a side to him that is a great father, but a great father can't be a drunk and liar and put others lives at risk.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Sarajevo
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by CaribbeanDream 
Was here in December and had lots of nice support. We went home for Christmas where my husbands family talked to him and he agreed to go to rehab.
Once we got home he DIDNT go to rehab, and got sober for a month before relapsing. It's been downhill since.
He attends an outpatient group 1x a week, but just goes through the motions. He won't talk about it and gets upset when I bring it up.
This morning (after he was drunk yesterday) I walked out said "Happy Father's Day" he started in on me, saying I blame everything on him and he's sick of it and to just ******* deal with it.
We start counseling today and he said "maybe it'll come out in counseling today" why he's so angry at me.
This is just typical deflection but today was bad. He has zero empathy and I see hate in his eyes. I wanted to make him breakfast for Father's Day and he wAs pissed I wasn't up early enough (yet his snoring kept me up late).
Also, he had our daughter yesterday and came home drunk. I confronted him and he said he was drinking after driving in the car park. (Yeah right)
Now he's off to swim lessons with our daughter. I'm so sick of this I want to leave. We're living abroad and it makes it difficult. He keeps our passports all together. I'm concerned for my daughters safety regarding drinking and driving. He denies it but I don't believe him.
I don't know what I'm looking for, but I feel so alone and just need to hear that someone has been there, that I need to stay strong and not let him manipulate me into thinking I've done something wrong.
I mean, if someone drinks and lies everyday how can the major issues in the relationship not be about them?
The sad thing is there's a side to him that is a great father, but a great father can't be a drunk and liar and put others lives at risk.
Once we got home he DIDNT go to rehab, and got sober for a month before relapsing. It's been downhill since.
He attends an outpatient group 1x a week, but just goes through the motions. He won't talk about it and gets upset when I bring it up.
This morning (after he was drunk yesterday) I walked out said "Happy Father's Day" he started in on me, saying I blame everything on him and he's sick of it and to just ******* deal with it.
We start counseling today and he said "maybe it'll come out in counseling today" why he's so angry at me.
This is just typical deflection but today was bad. He has zero empathy and I see hate in his eyes. I wanted to make him breakfast for Father's Day and he wAs pissed I wasn't up early enough (yet his snoring kept me up late).
Also, he had our daughter yesterday and came home drunk. I confronted him and he said he was drinking after driving in the car park. (Yeah right)
Now he's off to swim lessons with our daughter. I'm so sick of this I want to leave. We're living abroad and it makes it difficult. He keeps our passports all together. I'm concerned for my daughters safety regarding drinking and driving. He denies it but I don't believe him.
I don't know what I'm looking for, but I feel so alone and just need to hear that someone has been there, that I need to stay strong and not let him manipulate me into thinking I've done something wrong.
I mean, if someone drinks and lies everyday how can the major issues in the relationship not be about them?
The sad thing is there's a side to him that is a great father, but a great father can't be a drunk and liar and put others lives at risk.
Is your passport locked ?
Let me pray for you.
God, here is the worry which started out as love. Please have the worry removed first. Then Father, may your will be done in this case. In Jesus name, amen.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you could always file for lost passports but do NOT have them sent to the house!!!! start a plan, keep it to yourself. be methodical. i'm not sure counseling will do a diddly bit of good, but do not use that as a forum to discuss leaving either. he is too unstable.
he should not be in charge of the children or driving them ANYWHERE. he is not capable of putting their needs first. or keeping them safe. maybe once upon a time he was a "great" father, but he's lost that title AND THAT PRIVILEGE.
he should not be in charge of the children or driving them ANYWHERE. he is not capable of putting their needs first. or keeping them safe. maybe once upon a time he was a "great" father, but he's lost that title AND THAT PRIVILEGE.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Most therapists won't treat active alcoholics, it's pointless. I recommend Alanon, which led to the question of what's wrong with ME being in a disturbed relationship like this. I couldn't change him but I could change myself ... not easy but the incredible support I found in Alanon saved my sanity. God bless and a big hug.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: All over the place
Posts: 13
Hello......almost two years have passed....wow. Since people come and go in forums, I thought it would be helpful to give an update on my situation.
I "toughed it out" until we were transferred back to the USA. Once back in our country, I finally had enough called his parents and mine and told them to get on a plane ASAP. I was leaving unless he went into inpatient in the next three days.
To my shock, he went. It was like a different man. AA every day after the 30 days in treatment. I went to weekly meetings too.
He had almost a year sobriety and relapsed recently. It was a huge shock to everyone.
He's on vivitrol and still drinking. We are moving back home in two weeks where we will separate.
I hope others have had a better outcome. Again, thanks for the support you offered a few years ago.
I "toughed it out" until we were transferred back to the USA. Once back in our country, I finally had enough called his parents and mine and told them to get on a plane ASAP. I was leaving unless he went into inpatient in the next three days.
To my shock, he went. It was like a different man. AA every day after the 30 days in treatment. I went to weekly meetings too.
He had almost a year sobriety and relapsed recently. It was a huge shock to everyone.
He's on vivitrol and still drinking. We are moving back home in two weeks where we will separate.
I hope others have had a better outcome. Again, thanks for the support you offered a few years ago.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
Friend-sad you are back here but good for coming to get support. It sounds like you are making the best decision for you. He has tools and people to support him should he make that choice-wishing you, and him, all the best.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,004
Welcome back CD and also, many condolences for the reasons you have come back.
I hope you have accumulated both wisdom and tools in the last year. May this next chapter of your life hold healing and joy for you.
I hope you have accumulated both wisdom and tools in the last year. May this next chapter of your life hold healing and joy for you.
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