dark nights of the soul
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ireland
Posts: 55
dark nights of the soul
sober recovery has been such a great resource in the last few days since the break up of my relationship with an active alcoholic. even though i have been in recovery for my own addiction for 14 years i don't think i've ever understood the impact the disease has on others, also i don't think my disease had progressed to the same extent that it has in my ex. i started going to alanon regularly about 2 years ago when i realised after 2 years of trying to stop my son using drugs that i was powerless over his addiction and needed a restoration to sanity in that area. my whole life has been affected by addiction, family of origin, partners, friends, children.
i thought i was doing ok in my recovery and in many ways i was, i went back to college, became a therapist, developed my creativity, my relationships improved and most importantly i didn't use drink or drugs no matter what. but maybe 4 or 5 years ago things started to slide, it probably began with my son starting to use and get himself into trouble, then a 3 year relationship(my healthiest to date) broke up, then my daughter's dad(she's 11) died suddenly, then i lost another very important friendship and then my mum who i'm very close to was diagnosed with cancer and finally i got myself into the relationship with the alcoholic.
it was very hard for me throughout recovery to develope trust in a relationship with a higher power, it kind of came and went. recently while working a 3rd step again i realised that my trust is gone probably because of the grief of the last few years. and i know life is life, hard things happen, people get sick, leave, die. it's just that i felt so alone through it all in spite of going to meetings, praying, meditating etc.now there is another loss happening, the relationship with the alcoholic and even though i know it's for the best it still hurts a lot. people say 'hand him over', 'let go and let god' but how do i do that when my trust is so shattered? i do still pray and meditate but i feel no connection, no presence and i often doubt the existence of a god. has anybody experienced this? i would love to hear how others here have dealt with loss in recovery, and how you have maintained or renewed a relationship with a higher power in spite of loss. thanks to all who read this.
i thought i was doing ok in my recovery and in many ways i was, i went back to college, became a therapist, developed my creativity, my relationships improved and most importantly i didn't use drink or drugs no matter what. but maybe 4 or 5 years ago things started to slide, it probably began with my son starting to use and get himself into trouble, then a 3 year relationship(my healthiest to date) broke up, then my daughter's dad(she's 11) died suddenly, then i lost another very important friendship and then my mum who i'm very close to was diagnosed with cancer and finally i got myself into the relationship with the alcoholic.
it was very hard for me throughout recovery to develope trust in a relationship with a higher power, it kind of came and went. recently while working a 3rd step again i realised that my trust is gone probably because of the grief of the last few years. and i know life is life, hard things happen, people get sick, leave, die. it's just that i felt so alone through it all in spite of going to meetings, praying, meditating etc.now there is another loss happening, the relationship with the alcoholic and even though i know it's for the best it still hurts a lot. people say 'hand him over', 'let go and let god' but how do i do that when my trust is so shattered? i do still pray and meditate but i feel no connection, no presence and i often doubt the existence of a god. has anybody experienced this? i would love to hear how others here have dealt with loss in recovery, and how you have maintained or renewed a relationship with a higher power in spite of loss. thanks to all who read this.
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
I am an atheist and I don't have a higher power in the sense that Al-Anon talks about a higher power. For me it is my center, that place I go when I turn off the chatter in my head and just am.
As for let go and let god, well the important part for me is letting go. We all have our own path to follow and letting go is accepting that for a while my path may converge with another's, we share a journey and then our paths go their own separate ways.
Parting is never easy but it is inevitable.
If you read the message under my name you will see my version of the 12 steps. It's somewhat smaller but it is no lees true, at least for me.
Your friend,
As for let go and let god, well the important part for me is letting go. We all have our own path to follow and letting go is accepting that for a while my path may converge with another's, we share a journey and then our paths go their own separate ways.
Parting is never easy but it is inevitable.
If you read the message under my name you will see my version of the 12 steps. It's somewhat smaller but it is no lees true, at least for me.
Your friend,
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 175
Originally Posted by sorcharuane 
but how do i do that when my trust is so shattered?.
Originally Posted by sorcharuane
but i feel no connection, no presence
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Dark Nights are good . . . for seeing the stars.
They are always out there -- whether we see them or not.
But here is what works for me, you are welcome to try if you like -- no charge . . . .
Lay flat on your back. Looking up. Cannot get any lower, right?
Look up at those stars, clouds, whatever.
Say -- OUT LOUD.
1. Praise God.
2. Praise God.
3. Praise God.
I cannot really do that and keep a lot of that other crap you are going on about present in my mind.
With a clear(er) mind, you can set your sights more clearly on God.
Just my stuff, but it can be yours, as well.
They are always out there -- whether we see them or not.
But here is what works for me, you are welcome to try if you like -- no charge . . . .
Lay flat on your back. Looking up. Cannot get any lower, right?
Look up at those stars, clouds, whatever.
Say -- OUT LOUD.
1. Praise God.
2. Praise God.
3. Praise God.
I cannot really do that and keep a lot of that other crap you are going on about present in my mind.
With a clear(er) mind, you can set your sights more clearly on God.
Just my stuff, but it can be yours, as well.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
There are a lot of good suggestions here. In addition, there is an Alanon book called "Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses" that I've found helpful; you might want to check that out also.
This thread has helped me on multiple occasions also: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ain-stops.html
Hoping you find some peace and clarity soon.
This thread has helped me on multiple occasions also: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ain-stops.html
Hoping you find some peace and clarity soon.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
I'm not a very religious person I believe in God but don't have an active relationship with God or follow a specific religion, but I am aware and practical and thankful. When I'm having a rough time I try hard to find ways to remind myself of my blessings/good fortune. I'm in America which means I'm free, I have good health, my children are healthy, the sun is shining, etc. simple things that are true and we take for granted are often ways that I humble myself and have a better perspective on my own problems. Is life "easy"? Hell no! But honestly, everyone has problems. For me, let go means that I need to enjoy right now because the good fortune I have now is not infinite and can be taken from me at any moment, then I'd be wishing for things to be as easy/good/simple as they are now. Worrying about things and ruminating on them doesn't change anything it's just me wasting what I have right now.
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