Prairiefun

Well, Im new here and basically looking for a bit of support. My story is probably not that different from many others... but I have finally come to a place where I feel ready to change. Im just about 34, have two degrees, a professional job and have managed to drink drink and drink through it all. I've disappointed and embarassed family, I've hurt boyfriends, embarassed myself... the list goes on. All in the name of 'fun'... I tried an unbelievable amount of times to quit, or atleast to be able to ease up and drink like a 'normal person'... but no luck. I'd usually last a day (while I was hungover) and the next day right back on board. I've lived the past ten or so years in a bit of a haze... evening memories are few and far between. My education somewhat gone to waste as I couldn't really focus, make clear decisions...Despite it all in most peoples eyes I would be considered a 'good, contributing member of the community'... but noone really knew how self destructive I am and can be. The thought of alcohol excited me... I'd barely have my coat off at the end of the work day and I'd be pouring a drink... I'd get so excited at the prospect of having a friend over who liked to drink as much as me.. that way I wouldn't feel guilty you see. Month after month, of swearing that was the last time... and finally 12 days ago, something has shifted in my mind - Its the weirdest, most wonderful thing. I am deeply grateful - it seems like I've somehow been released from the grip of alcohol- I'm not going to lie, I have had drinks since that time. But over the past 12 days I have consumed what I would have drank in an average evening and this in my mind is to be celebrated. The feeling of lusting over alcohol is oddly vanished. I have no idea how, or why - I'm not traditionally religious but I have prayed many times for me to be able to find a way to quit and low and behold something gave.... Its not over, I'm well aware of that. And it could be fleeting - I sure hope not. I want to live again, to feel again, to be present in my own life... I would love and appreciate any support, advice and words of wisdom. Happy friday

Dee74

Hi and welcome prairiefun

When I came to SR I wasn't sure I'd quit completely either, but reading the various stories helped convince me that if I wanted to be the person I wanted to be, I needed to stop drinking completely.

I thought it would be a monumental task - and while it wasn't easy, it was easier than I expected. The support here really helps

I've never regretted stopping drinking completely

D

Prairiefun

Thank you Im not too sure where this journey will end up, but I'm confident its going to be positive and absolutely in the right direction

Dee74

I would often have periods where I would seem to be becoming more of a 'normal drinker'.
Unfortunately those periods never lasted for me.

I hope your mental shift lasts Prairiefun

D

instant

Welcome. I struggled for years. I am educated and professional etc. it was only when i tried to quit that i realised how in deep i was. I stuugled tormented on and off for years after that. I have only found peace and freedom in total abstinence. Highly recommend it

Mags1

Hi prairiefun, welcome to sr, so pleased you have some clarity at your age, I too wish I had acted when I was younger and took steps to become sober.

It's not always an easy ride getting and living sober because i turned to drink to celebrate, commiserate, anything, any excuse, like yourself excited when I finished work to come home and have that first drink, the first of many.

I agree with Dee that I have never regretted getting sober.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

Your story reads a lot like mine, the coat not being off and already pouring a drink is something I remember, aswell as living many years in an absolute haze.

For me, quitting completely was the only answer to live my life again, you'll find loads of support here!!

Prairiefun

Thank you all of you for your help - I'm noticing a few positive changes in the short while since I've made the change... sleeping much better (I think I used to wake up incessantly from dehydration, blood sugar funkiness), my sense of smell is getting stronger which is beautiful... I feel happier - I felt for the past year and a bit like I was in a rut, I didnt feel like 'me'... All of these are great but what I'm having some struggle with is how to deal with stress. My mom is older and not all that well, my dog is 14 and has cancer... all of the things in life that seem to be so much easier to just numb out rather than think about. I know exercise, good sleep/nutrition and all of it go a long way but its hard to feel so much sometimes especially when I got very good at just having a drink and forgetting about it. I know ahead there will be inevitable negative things that I'll have to learn to deal with without alcohol but having a hard time well feeling so much and not sure how best to manage the stress...