I took my wedding/engagement rings off today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 485
I took my wedding/engagement rings off today.
We are barely speaking. No animosity or anything. Seems like since his mom got here, he doesn't need to chit chat with me so I don't hear from him unless it relates to the boys. He's been very helpful with them and he's taking care of his end when it comes to money, plus giving me extra. He knew I was starting my new job this week so he insisted on giving me some new clothes money, which I accepted.
I just feel lonely. Like it's sinking in that I'm not part of a couple anymore. I don't have anyone to share my day with. The monotony of every day life doesn't get to me as much when I have a family to go home to. I love my boys, I just feel an emptiness. I just feel invisible. I am losing weight, which is good. I just feel hopeless about the future. I know I'm not in love with my husband anymore. I love him but he doesn't give me what I need at all. I realized the other day that I don't miss the affection because I never really got any. He's been so miserable the last few years that he was never in the mood to be affectionate. I know I could never go back to that kind of relationship, even if he stays sober. It's always been about him and never about me. My sister is trying for another baby and just bought a house. I just feel like a loser. Sorry this is depressing to read, isn't it? Lol. All I can do is keep trying.
I just feel lonely. Like it's sinking in that I'm not part of a couple anymore. I don't have anyone to share my day with. The monotony of every day life doesn't get to me as much when I have a family to go home to. I love my boys, I just feel an emptiness. I just feel invisible. I am losing weight, which is good. I just feel hopeless about the future. I know I'm not in love with my husband anymore. I love him but he doesn't give me what I need at all. I realized the other day that I don't miss the affection because I never really got any. He's been so miserable the last few years that he was never in the mood to be affectionate. I know I could never go back to that kind of relationship, even if he stays sober. It's always been about him and never about me. My sister is trying for another baby and just bought a house. I just feel like a loser. Sorry this is depressing to read, isn't it? Lol. All I can do is keep trying.
Baby Steps
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
I am sorry for what you are going through
You are not alone I feel exactly the same but I am told it gets easier! However you are not a loser you are an incredible strong woman look at what you have come through so far and your still standing and fighting each day.
Some one told me on this forum when I would worry about the future that I was future tripping. So now when I start to worry about my future I remember that saying and stop myself. Take one day at a time that is all we can do when we have been hurt by an A.
Try to do things for yourself go for a walk take up a hobby you've always wanted to do but couldn't anything that could help you feel better about yourself. Focus on your recovery and your kids
Take care
You are not alone I feel exactly the same but I am told it gets easier! However you are not a loser you are an incredible strong woman look at what you have come through so far and your still standing and fighting each day.
Some one told me on this forum when I would worry about the future that I was future tripping. So now when I start to worry about my future I remember that saying and stop myself. Take one day at a time that is all we can do when we have been hurt by an A.
Try to do things for yourself go for a walk take up a hobby you've always wanted to do but couldn't anything that could help you feel better about yourself. Focus on your recovery and your kids
Take care
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Originally Posted by EmmyG 
We are barely speaking. No animosity or anything. Seems like since his mom got here, he doesn't need to chit chat with me so I don't hear from him unless it relates to the boys. He's been very helpful with them and he's taking care of his end when it comes to money, plus giving me extra. He knew I was starting my new job this week so he insisted on giving me some new clothes money, which I accepted.
I just feel lonely. Like it's sinking in that I'm not part of a couple anymore. I don't have anyone to share my day with. The monotony of every day life doesn't get to me as much when I have a family to go home to. I love my boys, I just feel an emptiness. I just feel invisible. I am losing weight, which is good. I just feel hopeless about the future. I know I'm not in love with my husband anymore. I love him but he doesn't give me what I need at all. I realized the other day that I don't miss the affection because I never really got any. He's been so miserable the last few years that he was never in the mood to be affectionate. I know I could never go back to that kind of relationship, even if he stays sober. It's always been about him and never about me. My sister is trying for another baby and just bought a house. I just feel like a loser. Sorry this is depressing to read, isn't it? Lol. All I can do is keep trying.
I just feel lonely. Like it's sinking in that I'm not part of a couple anymore. I don't have anyone to share my day with. The monotony of every day life doesn't get to me as much when I have a family to go home to. I love my boys, I just feel an emptiness. I just feel invisible. I am losing weight, which is good. I just feel hopeless about the future. I know I'm not in love with my husband anymore. I love him but he doesn't give me what I need at all. I realized the other day that I don't miss the affection because I never really got any. He's been so miserable the last few years that he was never in the mood to be affectionate. I know I could never go back to that kind of relationship, even if he stays sober. It's always been about him and never about me. My sister is trying for another baby and just bought a house. I just feel like a loser. Sorry this is depressing to read, isn't it? Lol. All I can do is keep trying.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Emmy, it sounds like many many things are going very well!
One of my coworkers was a former EMT. Periodically she would have really intense stories of how she helped out in some car accident or situation. I realized she was an adrenaline junkie. She married another adrenaline junkie and their life was like a cross between ER and some cop show.
I hope you take time to reset so you don't go out and drag home a new and improved model of your H. It takes time to come off that trauma high. Best of luck with new job!
One of my coworkers was a former EMT. Periodically she would have really intense stories of how she helped out in some car accident or situation. I realized she was an adrenaline junkie. She married another adrenaline junkie and their life was like a cross between ER and some cop show.
I hope you take time to reset so you don't go out and drag home a new and improved model of your H. It takes time to come off that trauma high. Best of luck with new job!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I hope these wise words by Melody Beattie will help you through these difficult times. Bad times don't last forever, better days are ahead, I promise.
In-Between, By Melody Beattie
Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.
One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don’t want,
and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.
This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have
become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time.
We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.
Being in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old.
This can be frightening.
We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of
the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is nothing in the bush.
Being in-between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals.
We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with.
This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.
We may have many feelings going on when we’re in-between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost,
and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what’s ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place.
Accept them. Feel them. Release them.
Being in-between isn’t fun, but it’s necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we’re standing still, but were not. We’re standing at the in-between place.
It’s how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.
We are moving forward, even when we’re in-between.
Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in-between,
I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.
In-Between, By Melody Beattie
Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.
One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don’t want,
and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.
This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have
become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time.
We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.
Being in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old.
This can be frightening.
We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of
the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is nothing in the bush.
Being in-between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals.
We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with.
This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.
We may have many feelings going on when we’re in-between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost,
and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what’s ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place.
Accept them. Feel them. Release them.
Being in-between isn’t fun, but it’s necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we’re standing still, but were not. We’re standing at the in-between place.
It’s how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.
We are moving forward, even when we’re in-between.
Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in-between,
I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 303
I'm sorry, Emmy. It's hard.
The first time we separated, and almost divorced, it took me months to take the rings off and it felt horrible. My fingers felt naked. This final time, after six more years of living with an A, I was removing them in the car within an hour. I sold them for gold within a month and used the money to buy Christmas presents for my kids.
It is what it is and I'm sorry you are grieving.
The first time we separated, and almost divorced, it took me months to take the rings off and it felt horrible. My fingers felt naked. This final time, after six more years of living with an A, I was removing them in the car within an hour. I sold them for gold within a month and used the money to buy Christmas presents for my kids.
It is what it is and I'm sorry you are grieving.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Hi Emmy - until I really worked on me, I was still looking at others, even toxic people like my husband to fill the void or help define who I was.
What are you doing for you? Therapy? Working out? A hobby? It took all 3 to get me back to finding me, my power and my peace. I am almost where I need to be!
What are you doing for you? Therapy? Working out? A hobby? It took all 3 to get me back to finding me, my power and my peace. I am almost where I need to be!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 153
This is sinking in for me too..the reality that I'm no longer part of a couple. It's a strange feeling after 22 years. I know, however, I never want to go back to the situation I was in. I try to remind myself to focus on the present, my children, and making myself healthier. So many people I know have jumped right into another relationship and I can't do that either, I think this time alone is important. I try not to worry that I will always be alone. Take care.
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