Kys

Sober and happy to be so.

Attended a work seminar this evening and socialised for about an hour afterwards with my partner and a few colleagues. While we were both sober, a few colleagues and a boss of mine in particular acted rude and inappropriately (fuelled by alcohol mostly).

I'm really conflicted in that I didn't really speak up on behalf of myself and my partner. It wasn't a huge deal but in respect of my partner especially it would have been decent of me to quickly and quietly nip it in the bud.

Mentioning this mostly as this kind of non assertive behaviour can cause me anxiety, which has underlying been a huge cause for my drinking. Don't get me wrong, I'm generally quite a strong willed person but I still struggle to be assertive with some work situations (job, security etc). It generally feels that I've already established myself as a bit of a push over with some of these people, would be hard to break that mould, and things happen like tonight.

Kys

Bit of a rant I know, really needed to get this out.

HeadLump

I know how you feel, Kys. I'm generally passive and felt myself to be a pushover, but would swing straight to aggressive if really riled One of my staff once said to me, though, that one of the things he most admired about me was that I remained calm and approachable in the face of aggression and he found it reassuring.

In the situation you're describing, I think it was probably right for you not to say anything. Your colleagues and boss could well have overreacted and it could all have got out of hand. If you feel you need to say something, maybe a quiet word when they're sober and able to rationalise what they did?

But congratulations on staying sober! One thing I had to learn was that feeling uncomfortable isn't the same as being wrong

FeelingGreat

Hi Kys, maybe you won't be taken by surprise next time. Gives you an idea how unpleasant people can be after a few though.

I agree with what HeadLump said. Hope your boss is regretful about letting himself go after drinking too much. At least you can hold your head up high.

ScottFromWI

I'd agree that you did the right thing too by not saying anything. Chances are your boss doesn't even remember the incident if he was drunk. You can't rationally speak with a person in that type of situation anyway.

Kys

Really good words here guys, really appreciate waking up to this.

I've slept on it and feel much better. It's funny, it's like it was a challenge with alcohol but in a different way if that makes sense.

Have to say that there's definitely a new found confidence with sobriety, and still getting used to feeling like I deserve that. Definitely a positive change

PurpleKnight

Morning Kys . . . embrace that confidence and positivity!! Onwards and upwards!!

RainbowDash

you may have found that being non-assertive was a driver for your drinking, when you did.... but how you behaved in that situation is highly commendable and shows self control.
you could have said something but it would certainly not been received as a statement of you being non-assertive in it's own name...

perhaps a course on Personal Impact would be informative? we do them at work and people get really open with each other and re-act situations they feel they have not coped well in - or situations they need help with.... (of course you don't have to, but it is actually develops into a surprisingly supportive/ encouraging environment).... and having other people role play and then discuss with facilitator is blindingly helpful...

Thepatman

You did great I think.

Words are just words. If they don't attack your reputation at the root then walking away makes you look like the bigger person.