liliacfae

hi all,
Last night I made the hardest decision of my life. I gave my A Fiencee the option to make honest attempts to stop, and if he didnt then I would have to move on. Well, he refuses to tell me he will, and he refuses to tell his A buddies that he is trying to quit.
It is the most pain I have ever felt, because I love him so so much, but I know staying with him I will never be anywhere else but where we are right now if not worse.
I made the decision that I couldnt handle the mental abuse, which was getting progressivly worse.

this is so hard, I feel like I am abandoning him, but it is draining me physically and mentally to stay where my heart is...

thanks for listening, very open to any coping advice.

JT

(((liliacfae,)))

You are gone now, but I am going to move this to Al Anon for you.

Hugs everyone??
JT

Gabe

Hey liliacfae,
It's very hard to let go of someone you love. But sometimes, it is your only option. I'm sorry that you are in so much pain over this.
Hugs,
Gabe

Nightowl

big big huge hugs liliacfae

I'm so sorry that he wasn't ready to do this for himself and for you. It has to hurt a lot. But not nearly as much as the daily mental abuse you would have endured.

I'm so so sorry. You did the right thing but often the right thing is the hardest thing.

splendra

You are not abandoning him... he is abandoning himself.... You have been abandoning yourself by sticking with someone who is abusive.....

Magichappens

((liliacfae))
I know the pain you are feeling is terrible. We have all had pain in our life because of the effects of alcoholism. There is a lot of support and experience here dealing with healing our hearts and finding some peace. Stick around. The pain isn't going to last forever, but while it does, we are here to listen and care. Hugs, Magic

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi lillacfae,

For coping.... keep yourself busy, give yourself treats, and know that this is the kindest thing you could do for both of you.

Hugs,
Smoke

NOT A DOORMAT

GOOD for you

See my thread below "This sucks". I left my AGF 6 weeks ago, it's very, very hard to love enough to set that boundary and follow through, stand your ground. In my case we split up. But their first priority is to Alcohol and nothing, or no one else, including themselves. And my first priority changed the day I left to me, not the pathetic abusive phantom of a human being alcohol turns her in to, and my efforts to control that process.
Best to you.

myles1

Hi,

I wholeheartedly agree with Splendra. You've done the right thing.

Coping advice.........keep posting here, maybe go and get some counselling for awhile.

Ngaire

giz

I agree also.
Don't spend your life waiting for him. You know when you have given it your all, in fact, 125% plus 3 strikes plus 20 do overs.....It has to stop somewhere so you can stand up for your emotional health.

I read something on here about "detaching". It was very good because it focused on you, not the alcoholic. They may accuse you of "not being there", they are just trying to blame someone else.

giz

sdp

I know it hurts now, but honestly, you are doing the right thing. It will only get worse...

Keep your chin up!!!