Moving on.......
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 6
Moving on.......
After 27 years of marriage, I ended my marriage a year and a half ago. In reality, it was "over" for me long before we separated and he moved out. Hoping to have the details and paperwork that are divorce completed soon. By his own admission, he was drinking 4 to 5 fifths of primarily vodka at the time he moved out and had become a person that I didn't feel close to or like for that matter. I rarely ever drink at home but do enjoy going out with friends after work for happy hour and that sort of thing......I do drink, it's social for me, but don't ever drink "to get drunk". I have a wonderful man in my life now. He's a successful, hard working man, who is a really good person and a wonderful father to his kids. I love him, and there is no doubt in my mind that he loves me. I am finding it very hard to "relax" about his drinking though......and I don't know how to get past that. He does not drink hard alcohol at all, but does drink beer. I have known him to be drunk once in the almost two years I have known him yet, I constantly put him under the microscope with regard to the drinking issue. He understands why I am sensitive to the drinking issue, but resents being "judged" based on the behavior of someone from my past. Lots of people drink and do not have "issues" with it.......how do you move on from a relationship that failed over alcoholism to a healthy one without obsessing over the drinking issue?
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
It sounds to me like his drinking bothers you.
Is it more than you are comfortable with? You have to be honest with yourself on this one.
hard alcohol vs beer doesn't really matter. How often, how much, how he behaves while drinking, those things transpire whether it is hard alcohol or beer.
Sit back and think about why his drinking bothers you. Put it all out there, even what is hard to say, (because you don't want to lose this one). Just listen to that voice for a few minutes and see what it says. You don't have to let that be the end-all, but just listen to it.
I think the first thing you have to figure out is whether you are traumatized and over-reacting to his drinking, or whether he has a drinking problem, or whether you are not ok with someone drinking much at all.
Is it more than you are comfortable with? You have to be honest with yourself on this one.
hard alcohol vs beer doesn't really matter. How often, how much, how he behaves while drinking, those things transpire whether it is hard alcohol or beer.
Sit back and think about why his drinking bothers you. Put it all out there, even what is hard to say, (because you don't want to lose this one). Just listen to that voice for a few minutes and see what it says. You don't have to let that be the end-all, but just listen to it.
I think the first thing you have to figure out is whether you are traumatized and over-reacting to his drinking, or whether he has a drinking problem, or whether you are not ok with someone drinking much at all.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Sit back and think about why his drinking bothers you. Put it all out there, even what is hard to say, (because you don't want to lose this one). Just listen to that voice for a few minutes and see what it says. You don't have to let that be the end-all, but just listen to it.
I think the first thing you have to figure out is whether you are traumatized and over-reacting to his drinking, or whether he has a drinking problem, or whether you are not ok with someone drinking much at all.
I think the first thing you have to figure out is whether you are traumatized and over-reacting to his drinking, or whether he has a drinking problem, or whether you are not ok with someone drinking much at all.
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