scarletrose

I got sober on September 7, 2014. I have done this without the help of AA or any other program. I don't really know where to start without boring everyone but basically after a particularly bad night 9 months ago, I couldn't lie to myself anymore and knew a change was inevitable. I am an alcoholic and there was no more lying to myself. I decided it was now or never. I also joined CrossFit at the same time and feel that it in a way it has served the purpose of maybe what AA does for some. I am held accountable there. Everyone knows my story. I am loved and people believe in me. I have spent the last 9 months getting stronger both physically and mentally than I have ever been. What I have accomplished is nothing short of a miracle. These people have become the main circle that I socialize with and I feel safe around them.

Anyway, I have been feeling so good and so strong. I have attended parties, dinners, been away for a weekend with my husband, even thrown a party at my house (with tons of alcohol) and have not waivered. I'm not saying it's been easy, but I have been able to do now what I was never able to do before...and that is imagine the consequences of my drinking before ever taking the first sip. However, this weekend I am leaving for a five day vacation with my extended family who are all heavy drinkers. When we all get together it is like groundhog day. Everyone starts drinking late afternoon and then continues for 8 hours until everyone is trashed. I have a close relationship with my parents/sisters/brother in laws, but I feel that they all lack the sensitivity around this struggle of mine. It feels so conflicting in my head. No, I don't want people to change their lives because I have a problem and had to quit, BUT I also can't understand how my decision to quit hasn't had any effect on them and forced them to examine their own drinking habits. I know I can't change people and I have to accept this situation, but resentment is starting to build. I was raised in a household where the attitude around alcohol was very relaxed. "life's a party" and "you can't have fun without drinking" is what I learned and what ultimately led me to be a fun party girl turned pathetic binge drinker. I feel like a whiner talking to my family about this. If I had to be honest, YES, their drinking bothers me. It's not responsible, it's not in moderation and it's habitual. I feel anxious because I am staying in the same house as them all and I just don't have the option of leaving like I could a party or a dinner if I felt weak. I don't think I will drink. In fact, I'd be shocked if I did. That's not really the concern. It's that I will be so annoyed with my family and their behavior and I won't have the alcohol to dull my emotions and I will freak out on everyone. I know AA addresses resentment and maybe I need to work on that step because right now I feel disappointed and disgusted with my gluttonous family, and I haven't even left for the trip yet.

I don't know what, if anything I am looking for from you guys. I just needed to vent. People who don't suffer from addiction don't understand.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! You'll find loads of support here!!

scarletrose

Thank you! I was here a couple of years ago asking people if they thought I was an alcoholic (first sign that I was an alcoholic). It was hard for me to believe that could possibly be true. Afterall, I was a mother, an athlete and an educated woman. Well, someone said something to me in a thread and I didn't like how it sounded and quit the site. Two years later and I can admit that that offending poster was correct. I am an alcoholic and the disease does not discriminate. It doesn't care if you are a mom or a terrific runner or possess a Master's degree. Two more years of heavy drinking and my life was spiraling out of control. It feels good to be sober and up until this point I have done this alone for the most part. But I am feeling yucky right now and needed to come back.

Thanks for your support!

TravelinMan

Venting is good. Must you go on this trip? 9 months is a great achievement, but I have had friends who with one misstep have fallen off after more than 8 to 12 years.

5 days in an enclosed environment, with people who are drinking 8 hours a day will probably create enormous pressure.

And welcome to this forum. I have just rejoined it myself.

Ruby2

I used to drink with my mother in law who is an alcoholic and addicted to pain medication. She does all sorts of goofy, hurtful and stupid things sober and not, but all related to her addiction and even though I used to do many of the same things, I've started to absolutely despise her. Can't she see what she is doing to herself? Doesn't she see how selfish her behavior is? Why can't she just quit? She is so ridiculous?! Can't she see what she is doing to me because she is still drinking?

I think a lot of it is fear. A lot of any anger that I feel in any situation is based in fear. I see myself in what she is and what she is becoming. I don't like those things and I fear admitting that I was that way when I was drinking so I get resentful. I also get angry because it's not fair that she drinks and I can't even though intellectually I know how bad it is for me. That my life would not be nearly as full if I were drinking.

I try to limit my time with her to the very minimum possible while I process all of this. I can't change her. She will change when and if she wants to. I can't expect her to get sober and respect me and my sobriety because she is still stuck in the bottle. For my own sanity and sobriety. I've let the annoyance factor fester for so long that everything she does makes me want to explode. She is the only person whom I have ever had visions of straddling on the floor with my hands around her throat, pounding her head on the floor.m so I guess if you think you will freak out on everyone then make plans to keep yourself safe and protected. Maybe not go? If you feel you have to go can you stay in a hotel? Visit in the early evening when everyone is still relatively sober and then retreat? I don't know if this is helpful. Anger drives a lot of people back to drinking. It's best to deal with it head on. You are honest in how this is affecting you and that is a start. Good luck.

Dee74

Hi and welcome scarletrose
I guess I'm in the 'do you really need to go'? camp too.

I just don't go to things that I know will be weekend long boozefests.

I'm not afraid of alcohol or drinkers, I don;t think I'm being weak by avoiding such things...

I just know that those kinds of weekends are going to be very boring for me.

D

DoubleDragons

My extended family is the same way. I am the one who quit drinking and I drank the least out of all of them. (Which isn't saying much) It is very frustrating and I often feel like an outsider now. That being said, being around them has actually proven to be a motivator in my sobriety. They are deteriorating quickly - overweight, bloated, moody. I used to think that I was more fun as a drinker, but being around them has shown me that isn't true. Not one of them becomes funnier or better to be with when drinking. In fact, the only time their personalities change is when they are drunk. Then they are just mean and ridiculous.

I don't have any good advice. I just wanted to let you know that I understand.