Thepatman

Hi everyone,

Day 12 and feeling really awesome. I'll try to be brief. I had an outpatient meeting tonight. I decided not to go, before you throw me under the bus, here is why.

I was in the beginner class, one needs to do 10 sessions before the advanced group. It totally depressed the hell out of me. Most where court ordered to attend and showed no true desire to quit. One of the guy was young, was at his 17 session. He drove drunk and stoned and killed someone in a car accident. All he would say is that he was there to avoid jail time, that he would drink if he was not in trouble with the law. One of the guy drenched booze and it also triggered me.

Ok, this is long, sorry. All that to say that I prefer SR at this point. AA could be a good option to meet new friends. I need people that have sobriety under their belt. I like helping people here on SR, why? Because people come here voluntarily, because they want sobriety. Not because of a court order.

No need to be gentle in your feedback, I'm tick skinned.

Btw, I already asked to be pushed to the next class, with people that are sober but was denied.

Raider

I'm not going to throw you under the bus. Your sobriety, your program. Glad you're still sober.

Dee74

I know nothing about IOP Pat.

As long as you're sober - and you're prepared to do whatever it takes to stay that way - I'm not sure what more any of us could ask of you

D

countrysidegirl

Sorry to hear this trouble you and thanks for your advise to mine good job i wasn't there with you sober or not i would have got up and punched that guy who killed someone who doesn't seem to care those kind in my opinion who do what they want despite the consequences like paedophiles and trust me i know what they are like should be burnt slowly at the stake...
Sorry patman as you know I'm having a bad night but keep doing what your doing send some of your strength to me

JaylaaKent

I totally understand - I actually quit Intensive Outpatient (IOP) earlier this year for that reason. It was like "I'm only here because my wife/husband is going to leave if I don't quit drinking" or "I'm here to avoid jail" - just not a place of positive growth with NORMAL people or even people in recovery really trying to improve their lives. You can get these anomalies in AA - honestly for me going to meetings that I'm comfortable with and a good counselor has been best for me.

phoenixbot

I just want to say that I understand that trigger. I had a similar experience. But, in retrospect, maybe I didn't want to be there, either? Because I didn't stay sober afterward.

But you have--and to me that shows a great amount of strength.

EndGameNYC

You're unlikely to meet a bunch of friendly, stable and likeable people in IOP. Neither do we always come across such people at work, in AA, or even at home. I suffered through the unwanted company of people like the one you described while in 28-day rehab, and then in IOP. We're all called upon to deal with offensive and sometimes disgusting people in life. And we aren't always in a position to run from them, though it's not always best that we do so. Some of us even invite them to live with us, have children with us and become them when we're drinking.

Part of the therapeutic process, though I don't believe it's one that's always spoken, is seeing where we are and how we're progressing (or degrading) in comparison to others. If it were me (and it was while I was in IOP), I'd take it as an opportunity to turn the situation to my benefit, learn from it, and strengthen my self-concept relative to what I did not but might have become.

Anna

Pat, I think having people around you who can inspire you is so very important in early recovery. It's a time when you need to be around people who you feel comfortable with and who can offer you what you need.

I think you should do whatever you believe in your heart is the right thing to do. Listen to your heart and you won't go wrong.

Verte

Hey Patman,

You are searching for your sobriety dream team. This totally makes sense. This is a vulnerable time and you are expressing your limits.

We are in a similar boat. Right now it is also time for me to find a face to face group of like-minded, purpose driven, focused on recovery individuals. We are in the 'work' step...the job is tough but definitely tougher in the wrong environment, right? Only you can determine what the right environment is for your recovery. SR has been wonderful for me to dip my toes and then jump into sobriety. So supportive and we both should definitely stick around

Focusing on yourself is loving yourself. Right now it is time to focus on yourself. Go find your supportive dream team You can be something to someone else later. Right now it is about you. Let us know how it goes along the way please.

Let the healing begin [hands clap together, slap on the back] !!

P.S. - you are doing an awesome job staying strong.

Raider

I was in a whole gang of "those people" not wanting to be in rehab when I was there. While I wasn't the oldest, I was close. Most were 19-20-21 years, mostly male. Focus on what you have in common with them, rather than what you do not. I was surprised by what I learned about "those people". Really astonishing.

PurpleKnight

Keep going at it Pat!! fantastic stuff!!

doggonecarl

Patman, you have 12 days sober. In some ways, you are a beginner. Are you saying there are a specific number of relapses that make you advanced?

You say you come to SR to help. I don't doubt you could help someone in your class, maybe open the eyes of a 17 year old drinker who doesn't quite get it.

I understand that you're down about it. As for it being a trigger, again--and I don't mean to throw this in your face--but you have relapsed a number of times. That's a lot of "triggers." Long term sobriety means learning to handle them. It's a set number of classes. You can get through this.

Thepatman

I appreciate the input. But respectfully disagree. I am not a beginner at Recovery. if only the days count as an entitlement to help, then I'm missing something. Ai have learned from folks with years of sobriety as well as many with only days under their belt.

I have been to 7 classes and not a single time I left with a good feeling. I've been on SR for years now, have posted, read, and learned a lot. I don't have time to waste inspiring people that are being forced by a court order to attend and have 0 intention at permanent sobriety.
The guy that killed someone and want's nothing with sobriety pisses me off.
We are not allowed to make any recommendations to other attendees. We can only speak about us. That in itself is not appealing to me.

I enjoy helping, it keeps me motivated and makes me feel good. If I only help a single person after 10 000 posts, mission accomplished.

If I had not relapsed so often, I would not be where I'm at. I am doing this my way and don't feel a sense of being wise or smart. I have 0 shame in admitting my relapses and struggles. In fact I feel a sense of accomplishment trough my relapses. Proves to me that I can fall, but can also get back up. This valuable lesson can be applied to other things in my life. Failure is part of life, it allows us to be humble, learn and grow.

Every sobriety path is different, there is no magic solution, AA, AVRT, SR included. That is why I always recommend all the tools available to newcomers. So that they can have the freedom of choosing the hat that fits and makes them feel good in their recovery.

Sorry this is long, but felt your post deserved a logical response.

Be well

doggonecarl

Thank you.

What happens if you don't attend the remaining classes?

LadyinBC

What does this have to do with your recovery?

I am just curious as you are letting these people interfere in your recovery.

It looks like you need these sessions in order to move forward? If so, don't let your judgement of others set you back. It just seems like you are more focused on them.

One of the biggest things I have had to do in recovery is to become less judgemental even though I so want to sometimes. And it is something I still have to work on. And yes I can understand how hard it can be sometimes when we hear certain things.

These are just my thoughts that is all.

LBrain

well Pat, I also had to endure spending hours with people who didn't want to be there. At first I was disgusted. Then I was amused. Then I felt sorry for them. And that was my motivation in the end. I didn't want someone to feel sorry for me. So I stuck it out.

As for being tic skinned, you should do something about that. They carry Lyme Disease.
Get them removed immediately.

fini

Pat,
makes sense to me that guys in their late teens and early twenties don't have desire to quit and stay quit....makes sense to me because i didn't "get" what the issue was here with me until i was just over 50.
lots of people quit just to get others (people and organizations and "the law) off their back.
perhaps after they have more experience like you do, more attempts at trying and relapsing, perhaps then they will have a better understanding of where they're actually AT.

you telling your own story of repeated struggling might be helpful to them there.

...that he would drink if he was not in trouble with the law.........The guy that killed someone and want's nothing with sobriety pisses me off.


yes.
but we all have read a gazillion posts here on SR where people would drink if it weren't for the consequences...seems to me just a more extreme point on that same wavelength.