KAD

When I'm wrong, I admit I'm wrong. A couple weeks ago or so, I was on here touting that tapering works and I was living proof. All the while I was still drinking (and still am). The week after I started drinking again - after 3 months sober - I tried tapering and it did seem that it was working. The last day of my experiment, I could go 8, 10, 12 hours with no withdrawal symptoms at all. That should be cause to celebrate!

Problem is, it was. I figured I had this thing licked now. I could drink whenever I damn well pleased and just taper off when I'd had enough. Here I am 3 weeks later, drinking at the same pace and volume as before. This past weekend, I got so angry and irritated with myself for throwing away all that I'd accomplished. I allowed myself just one more drink and then dumped the rest - a nearly full 1.5 liter bottle of vodka I just purchased that day. Most of the night I was OK, but around the 9th hour, those old familiar feelings of withdrawal started to kick in. They are the #1 reason I still drink today. I have high blood pressure already, and when my heart starts pounding and my blood pressure rises, I get scared.

I suffered with those symptoms for the better part of the day until I couldn't take it anymore and went to find something to drink. It was both incredible and incredibly depressing that slamming 2 beers immediately removed the withdrawal symptoms, and lowered my blood pressure. So, I decided to try tapering again, with a renewed determination. It works for part of the day, but then not the rest. My feeling, and the whole point of this post, is... if one has the self-control to limit one's intake of alcohol, what need would one have to taper in the first place? Am I missing something?

ScottFromWI

Admitting our limitations and honesty is a key to getting sober, so kudos for realizing that.

Not sure exactly what you are asking in this last question though..?

MDL

How long and how much have you been drinking...?

<= Not a doctor by the way, but can suggest to you what NOT to do from personal experience.

The safe answer regardless is go to a doctor and honestly explain what is going on. If you don't want to tell your regular doctor, you can go to another or a walk in center... Most "detoxes" or hospitals will do an evaluation and recommend a course of action. Plus they can give you meds to take the edge off and safely taper down your nervous system over the course of a few days.

That is the best bet, especially if you are getting shakey, unusually anxious is to get checked out by a professional..

KAD

I'm actually asking and answering at the same time. In other words, I already know the answer.

Mentium

The only thing you seem to be missing (to answer your question) is that you don't appear to be able to drink in a controlled fashion. Just like me. I decided that meant I had to stop. It was making me miserable anyway!

EndGameNYC

Not everyone here who trumpets this "solution" is entirely honest about it.

KAD

I drink about 700ml of vodka/day. I've been drinking for 26 years, but its only in the last 8 that I've been exclusively drinking hard liquor and only within that time that I've noticed withdrawal symptoms - other than a regular hangover - when I quit. I've quit dozens of times, but each times seems to get a little more intense. No seizures or DT's or anything like that yet, but just feeling like absolute hell.

Here is my dilemma. I have admitted to my doctor that I'm an alcoholic. At the time I admitted it, I had just quit drinking and he prescribed Antabuse at my request. I stayed on that for 3 months and was doing well. Then I got the bright idea I could moderate (again) and went off the Antabuse. Anyway, I'm afraid he's going to try to stick me in a rehab center. That would likely cost me my job, and possibly joint custody of my children. I've considered going to the ER, but my friggin' insurance requires a $300 copay!! I don't have that kind of money. If I had a good idea what to do, I'd do it. Right now, the only thing I can think of is what I always do, just QUIT!

ScottFromWI

If you are drinking a bottle of vodka a day, you'd save up $300 bucks pretty quickly by not drinking...just something to consider. You can also make payments if you can't afford it.

Your doctor also cannot force you into rehab, so don't use that as an possible excuse. The only way you could be force into rehab is if you were arrested for a DUI or some other alcohol related offense that was deemed serious enough.

KAD

I get that and knew someone would point out that fact, but if my doctor doesn't put me in rehab, what can he do? Would he maybe just prescribe something to help me through withdrawal? If that's the case, then I'll feel better about it. I've had this doctor for years and always lied and said I didn't drink. I just admitted it to him 4 months ago. He tried not to look disappointed, but I could tell he was. Shame about all this is another thing that perpetuates the drinking.

ScottFromWI

Yes, many times a doctor will prescribe something to get through the withdrawal. The danger is of course physical reaction to the removal of alcohol from your system. There are medications that can help prevent them.

There are a lot of other options besides full inpatient rehab that can fit around your work schedyle, etc - but a physical assessment is necessary first.

Dee74

If you'd feel better with a new Dr and a fresh start, then go for it GetMeOut.

A Dr can help you with detox. I think that's incredibly important - I suffered several mini strokes on my last detox - and while that's not common, it happens.

A Dr can't keep you sober tho. Only you can do that.

Support helps tho.
If rehab is out of the question where do you stand on groups like AA etc.?

D

Thepatman

I'm sure you could borrow the money from someone and repay pretty quickly without having to by Alcohol.

Just saying. Tapering is not impossible but requires and iron will and a true desire to quit. However since you have crossed the bridge to hard liquor just reducing your quantity can spiral out of control really quick.

Easiest is to see a doctor and be safe.

Good luck! Keep us posted

KAD

You know something? Each and every time I venture back into the drinking world, the trip gets shorter and shorter, and I get kicked in the face a little bit harder. The only reason I'm still in it now is because of the agony of withdrawal. I don't think I could take going through anything like this, or worse, again. Every time I look at my kids, I feel like such a piece of sh!t for what I've been doing. That's also a huge incentive to finally, at last, walk away from this forever.

Another big component to all this is that I live alone and have no friends, none close by anyway. There is not one person I can call on to come be with me while I go through this. The isolation doesn't help at all.

Thepatman

I totally understand. I was in the exact same place you are 13 days ago.

I had no one to watch over me for detox. I had to wait for my son's week with his mom so I wouldn't put him in jeopardy, or die on him.

Do seek other options I was a total idiot to do this alone and really don't recommend it.

KAD

I do the same thing when it comes to having the kids. I don't think I could handle having them around during that, even if I don't die on them. I just get so irritable. Every sound is like icepicks in my ears.

I've gone through at home detox many times. The last time was excruciating. That was back in February and it was when I went to the doctor a day later because my bp was through the roof. That's when I admitted the truth to him.

Raider

Since you already told your Dr. you drink, it'll be easy to tell him you want to quit and could he give you a little something to help with withdrawals. If you were surprised by his disappointment when you told him you drink, imagine how happy he will be when you tell him you want to quit. Good luck!!

KAD

Thanks, everyone, for your replies. I think I will try talking to my doctor. I notice other weird things happening, too, relative to high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc. that are only exacerbated by continuing to drink. Insomnia is a big issue for me right now, too. Drinking or withdrawing, sleep is a rarity...

The silly thing is, to look at me you'd think I'm the picture of good health. I'm a 48 year old man who has always been slim, fairly good build, good-natured, friendly. If I die from this, a lot of people are gonna be shocked.

JaylaaKent

Bah I tried tapering several times, basically it was just a way I thought I could trick myself into believing I could "control" my alcoholism/dependence. Thing that ONLY worked for me after several relapses were trips to ER/DR to get medication to avoid withdrawal. This way was the only way I could completely stop drinking. Alcoholics can NOT moderate their "drinking" no matter how hard they try. Lesson I learned after a year of relapsing because I didn't want to believe I was an alcoholic or alcohol dependent. Once you have crossed that line into dependence - it's a different scenario. You don't have to suffer - doctors deal with this all the time. I've had a few be arrogant but for the most part they seem sympathetic and make sure I have the tools I need to work towards sobriety. It was me that kept messing it up by thinking I could drink again.

JaylaaKent

What are the physical, social, and economic descriptions of an alcoholic to you?

ALCOHOL DEPENDENCE

(A) A maladaptive pattern of drinking, leading to clinically significant impairment or distress, as manifested by three or more of the following occurring at any time in the same 12-month period:

Need for markedly increased amounts of alcohol to achieve intoxication or desired effect; or markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of alcohol
The characteristic withdrawal syndrome for alcohol; or drinking (or using a closely related substance) to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms
Drinking in larger amounts or over a longer period than intended.
Persistent desire or one or more unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control drinking
Important social, occupational, or recreational activities given up or reduced because of drinking
A great deal of time spent in activities necessary to obtain, to use, or to recover from the effects of drinking
Continued drinking despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to be caused or exacerbated by drinking.

(B) No duration criterion separately specified, but several dependence criteria must occur repeatedly as specified by duration qualifiers associated with criteria (e.g., “persistent,” “continued”).

Source: Adapted from American Psychiatric Association (APA). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition, Text Revision. Washington, DC: APA, 2000.

KAD

My God, don't I know that moderation is impossible for me! I, of all people, who nearly retched the first time he tasted beer. I know moderation is a ruse for people like us. I've even warned others about falling for that, but for some reason I keep thinking I'm special. I got this! I don't got it...