WendyOR

The people ABF talks about his friends whom have his best interest at heart. Those are not the people that have sat and listened to him talk and cry about his regrets. They, as they should be, are focused on their lives, their families, etc. They may drop over every now and again to say hi or have a beer and play some music.... talk about the old days... etc.... but are they really vested in his health and happiness in life? Not that they could change his drinking, as only he can do that. I recently was talking to one of our friends, her husband being one of his best friends or whom AB holds dear to his heart, and were talking about my worry when he drinks and drives. She made a statement how as long as he does it at home and doesn't drive, basically like who cares? She knows if he gets another DUI his life is going to spiral out of control... he would lose his job of 22 years, lose his band he is a part of, could really effect his visitation perhaps, and financially cripple him... let alone hurting someone else or himself, losing a life.

In my thought processes, I kept thinking.... so odd... she is a sweet lady. I really like her. I like her husband, and all the other friends I have met during my relationship with him... but I really started thinking.... examining, digging, letting my mind really just go there. Each of the friends that I have met through him, they come over and have a drink with him. Even when he was abstaining from alcohol, they would bring beer or wine... We would drink coffee. All the little comments... I miss when we would write music and have beer, it made us more creative. Even when he was abstaining, how they would come over for music and brink alcohol. They all would listen to his stories as I did on how he was a victim in his marriage. All of them like to keep the mentality of as long as he isn't driving theory, he works hard at work, he has anxiety... let him unwind with a drink or two after work.

I then sit and think.... do they really care about him.... or do they just worry about missing a drinking buddy to talk about yesteryear? Do they really care about his health and well being or feeling of peace? Not one friend, NOT ONE, doesn't drink.... is this normal? Even if they didn't, I know that he has to want to change for himself, for a happier and healthier life.... yet, still in my minds process, it is astonishing. They don't love him like the people that it effects most. It is amazing to let you mind really go there....

lillamy

I think most people are blessedly ignorant about what alcoholism is. They think (as did I) that a guy who has a job, and a wife/girlfriend, and a home, he can't be an alcoholic, because alcoholics are those dirty homeless folks who live under bridges.

I don't think most people have a clue how rapidly an alcoholic can go downhill. Oh and change. People don't like change either.

ladyscribbler

Most people do not have a good understanding of the disease of alcoholism. They see it as a lack of willpower or a failure of self-control and not as a disease.
Getting totally enmeshed with an alcoholic and making his or her well-being the focus of your life is not healthy for anyone, not you, not the alcoholic. Your posts are really all about him, his friends, his life, his choices. I can almost guarantee that he is not putting nearly as much thought and energy into this as you are.
I found that once I took my focus off my ex and put it on myself, I started feeling a whole lot better.

Blossom717

I have a similar situation at home. ABF's best friend and his best friend's wife are very "encouraging"....They encourage him to drink with them, "oh just have a beer, one shot won't hurt you", yet when I've talked to the wife about ABF's alcoholism she told me that she "has no patience for an addict"...really?

I don't think they care about anyone but themselves. Sure, maybe throw a little ignorance into that equation as well, but I think its ignorance that they choose. I used to fret about losing the friends I've gained while in this relationship with ABF but now I've started to realize that many of them aren't actually good friends.

HopefulinFLA

IMHO

I see this a lot. I think many people just don't have a thorough understanding of what it really means to be an alcoholic. They don't understand that not driving does not equate with not having a problem.

Do you think that maybe some of these folks may have drinking issues of their own and might be in their own state of denial?