Am i sober?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Am i sober?
Today is 20 days off the booze, so when can I call myself sober? I have heard some AA folk say that some people who have been years off the grog are not sober? Im confused here!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: İstanbul
Posts: 78
Originally Posted by Chilledice 
Today is 20 days off the booze, so when can I call myself sober? I have heard some AA folk say that some people who have been years off the grog are not sober? Im confused here!
f you are a long time heavy drinker even a year may be early to be fully sober and you may still get cravings.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
IMHO, sober is somewhat like keeping yourself fit.
One can't hit "being fit" and then relax. It still requires every day work. And there's always some room for improvement.
But at some point you can't imagine the other way to live your life. And enjoy it)
Keep going)
One can't hit "being fit" and then relax. It still requires every day work. And there's always some room for improvement.
But at some point you can't imagine the other way to live your life. And enjoy it)
Keep going)
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Whitehaven UK
Posts: 221
Sober is not having any substance ie alcohol nicotine caffeine drugs in ones system..
However i wouldn't get too worried about caffeine or nicotine....however Smokes are a nasty habit which I'm determined to kick but rather have a few of them than drink....
However i wouldn't get too worried about caffeine or nicotine....however Smokes are a nasty habit which I'm determined to kick but rather have a few of them than drink....
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Mediterranean
Posts: 187
Originally Posted by Mirage74
Cowgirlie, I think a dry drunk is someone who's sober, but miserable.
I like and get the fitness analogy, that makes sense to me. Like starting out in early days still being overweight and out of shape yet dieting and exercising well (early days no alcohol)... sober, with a small 's.' Few weeks/months down the line and in great shape having committed to diet/exercise regime (sustained alcohol-free lifestyle)... Sober, with a capital S! That's how I see it
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Whitehaven UK
Posts: 221
In my opinion people in AA are sober but miserable drunks to me the meetings were pure depressing ...
I had to stop going to AA as i often walked out feeling extremely down and would drink soon after ....im in another support group.now which tries to get us members to focus on the positives and keep active with new hobbies etc
Sadly there are alot of morbid miserable dry drunks out there i have been one ..its very sad considering when we are intoxicated it makes us feel awful we should feel happy and content when we finally become sober but sadly alot don't....
I had to stop going to AA as i often walked out feeling extremely down and would drink soon after ....im in another support group.now which tries to get us members to focus on the positives and keep active with new hobbies etc
Sadly there are alot of morbid miserable dry drunks out there i have been one ..its very sad considering when we are intoxicated it makes us feel awful we should feel happy and content when we finally become sober but sadly alot don't....
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Chilled - don't worry about labels and terms. Drinking was a problem for you, and you are not drinking anymore. Part of the process of getting sober also means learning how to live your life without drinking and deal with things that you used to try and avoid by drinking. As long as you are doing something to reach that goal, it really doesn't matter what anyone calls it.
The debate about what a "dry drunk" is invariably turns into an argument over AA - which is not what this forum is about.
The debate about what a "dry drunk" is invariably turns into an argument over AA - which is not what this forum is about.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
yeah I have wondered and wavered on that too.
not drinking = "NOT DRINKING"
sobriety = not drinking AND being in balance emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically to an extent that you're not at high risk of relapse with drinking.
Sometimes it seems over-complicated and judgy.
Other times, I TOTALLY get it.
Removing the labels though I think the important message in that debate is that for those of us who have struggled with problem drinking to the extent that it brought seriously negative consequences into our lives and we were unable or unwilling to control it for long periods of time - there really is more to it than just "not drinking".
If we don't pay attention to our overall 'wholeness' as a human and seek to be self-aware, to deal with our emotions, to care for ourselves, to have goals and be pursuing them, to remind ourselves of the things that are important and why it is we choose not to drink; we are at increased risk of going back to that lousy place we want to avoid.
not drinking = "NOT DRINKING"
sobriety = not drinking AND being in balance emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically to an extent that you're not at high risk of relapse with drinking.
Sometimes it seems over-complicated and judgy.
Other times, I TOTALLY get it.
Removing the labels though I think the important message in that debate is that for those of us who have struggled with problem drinking to the extent that it brought seriously negative consequences into our lives and we were unable or unwilling to control it for long periods of time - there really is more to it than just "not drinking".
If we don't pay attention to our overall 'wholeness' as a human and seek to be self-aware, to deal with our emotions, to care for ourselves, to have goals and be pursuing them, to remind ourselves of the things that are important and why it is we choose not to drink; we are at increased risk of going back to that lousy place we want to avoid.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
For me, I had to distinguish between whether I was actually "sober" or just "paused."
I quit drinking so many times, I can't honestly say that most of the times I wasn't drinking could I be called "sober." Until that last drink. Long ago now.
With opiates, it was trickier for me. Again, got "sober" many times, failed many times, too. Not long ago now.
So, I am now "sober."
I hope.
I quit drinking so many times, I can't honestly say that most of the times I wasn't drinking could I be called "sober." Until that last drink. Long ago now.
With opiates, it was trickier for me. Again, got "sober" many times, failed many times, too. Not long ago now.
So, I am now "sober."
I hope.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Chilled - don't worry about labels and terms. Drinking was a problem for you, and you are not drinking anymore. Part of the process of getting sober also means learning how to live your life without drinking and deal with things that you used to try and avoid by drinking. As long as you are doing something to reach that goal, it really doesn't matter what anyone calls it.
I don't care what it's called or labelled. All I DO know, from my own experience, is that alcohol brought me nothing good and my life has and will continue to improve as long as I stay away from it. It's that simple for me. at least right now it is.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Chilledice - great question.
My commitment to kicking the booze came after grappling with the simple question "WTF?". The only answer to "WTF?" that made any sense was "I'm not drinking alcohol anymore". That is all I truly know for sure.
Since coming here to this fabulous forum there are entire collections of posts within threads that I just cannot follow. I read and re-read, really wanting to understand so I can learn something from the words and hopefully grow a bit more.
A few weeks ago, the thought of finding a dictionary for words used in the world of alcohol crossed my mind and made me giggle. My bookshelves contain a vast collection of dictionaries for a variety of subjects to use for the important subjects in my world.
If a phrase, word or usage reference/dictionary existed I'm pretty sure it would be available as a reference page to us on this SR forum. Who would have come up with all the definitions?
This week I concluded that I am trying to define things to help understand everything I come across in this unknown journey to make it feel less like quicksand and more like concrete. But there really is not just one authority. There are many.
I still 'scratch my head' and feel confused as heck. That is my nature and why I own so many reference books. But this, the world of alcohol, appears to be defined by an individual's lived experience...at least that is what I *think* the discussions that I find perplexing are about.
Keep asking questions! It's all good.
**Mirage74 - your definition of 'dry drunk', whether it is 'accurate' or not, gave me a belly laugh. Thanks!
My commitment to kicking the booze came after grappling with the simple question "WTF?". The only answer to "WTF?" that made any sense was "I'm not drinking alcohol anymore". That is all I truly know for sure.
Since coming here to this fabulous forum there are entire collections of posts within threads that I just cannot follow. I read and re-read, really wanting to understand so I can learn something from the words and hopefully grow a bit more.
A few weeks ago, the thought of finding a dictionary for words used in the world of alcohol crossed my mind and made me giggle. My bookshelves contain a vast collection of dictionaries for a variety of subjects to use for the important subjects in my world.
If a phrase, word or usage reference/dictionary existed I'm pretty sure it would be available as a reference page to us on this SR forum. Who would have come up with all the definitions?
This week I concluded that I am trying to define things to help understand everything I come across in this unknown journey to make it feel less like quicksand and more like concrete. But there really is not just one authority. There are many.
I still 'scratch my head' and feel confused as heck. That is my nature and why I own so many reference books. But this, the world of alcohol, appears to be defined by an individual's lived experience...at least that is what I *think* the discussions that I find perplexing are about
.Keep asking questions! It's all good.
**Mirage74 - your definition of 'dry drunk', whether it is 'accurate' or not, gave me a belly laugh. Thanks!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I used to think that if someone just stopped drinking they were not sober.
Then I watched someone I love struggle with sobriety. He has relapsed several times and he sat at my table last night crying because he is having a hard time. He is struggling. He wants it so bad but he is afraid he can’t reach it. He has never gotten this far before. He is 16 days sober.
If you think for one minute that someone is not sober because they don’t “get it” yet, sit with a newly sober person that is hanging on to their sobriety with everything they have, even if it is only hours, and tell them they are not sober.
They are sober!
All of the rest comes later, if it comes later. That is not up to me or you. What they make of their sobriety after they get sober is their choice. You get out of it what you put into to it.
Then I watched someone I love struggle with sobriety. He has relapsed several times and he sat at my table last night crying because he is having a hard time. He is struggling. He wants it so bad but he is afraid he can’t reach it. He has never gotten this far before. He is 16 days sober.
If you think for one minute that someone is not sober because they don’t “get it” yet, sit with a newly sober person that is hanging on to their sobriety with everything they have, even if it is only hours, and tell them they are not sober.
They are sober!
All of the rest comes later, if it comes later. That is not up to me or you. What they make of their sobriety after they get sober is their choice. You get out of it what you put into to it.
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