jarp

And the sky didn't fall in....I didn't implode in a sea of pain, and the world is still spinning.

I've been posting here a little of late about AH and my concern that his drinking is having on the kids. I posted that I had left the kids with him, and some members here wrote some words which were hard to read, but that I really needed.

Last weekend I said to him that I no longer wanted him drinking in the house, in front of the kids or being drunk around them. And that i was no longer going to be verbally and emotionally abused by him. i told him it was up to him what he did with this infi.

My 'hope' was that he'd suddenly see the light, realise he was no lose his family and go get help. He'd booked to see his psychiatrist. He lasted a week. With a side serving of resentment and one missing evening when he didn't show up after work.

Last night he popped into work and got home a few hours later, roaring drunk. He was siting out the front, I came out and said "oh you are out here". He jumped up ran inside and locked the door on me, with the kids asleep inside. I asked repeatedly for him to open the door, he refused and stuck his finger p at me through the window, screaming "this is my house".

I told him unless he opened the door then I was storing to call th police, and held my phone up to show him I had dialled the number. I really wish I'd followed through. But it got the door open.

He had a bottle of wine in his hand and I calmly said to him that he needed to leave. For good. Cue more roaring and carrying on, but he has gone.

I've no idea where but although I am feeling anxious and didn't sleep that well, I am not obsessing, and I think I am actually ok.

I've truly had enough. Reading my last thread, with all the accounts of what living with an active alcoholic does to kids....combined with my son being diagnosed at the moment with learing issues have having therapists comment on his compliant nature has tipped the boat for me.....it's given me the push I finally needed.

Financially life is going to be so different....ah was a big earner and I earn small....but there will be peace in or house. Life wise it's going to be a big adjustment for this kids who a used to many activities, extra therapies for son and one daughter, holidays, no thought to paying bills or having the odd treat. But this is going to save them from a life of pain. Hopefully it's not too late, and we will get family counselling.

Thanks to all who have supported me to this point and shared wise words with me...even when they weren't what I 'wanted' at the time.

Hopefully I will stay strong!

lillamy

(((hugs))) jarp. You're a brave woman. You will be OK. The anxiety and sleep problems will go away.

jarp

Thanks lillamy.

I feel a bit like I am holding my breath.....I know the pain will come.....I'm sort of stunned that it hasn't already. This is from someone who 3 months ago would have begged and screamed for him to stay (I have big attachment issues that I have been working on).

I'm not sure why I am not reacting more....am I over thinking??? Maybe I should just be happy that for whatever reason I am being shielded from my emotions....as long as I feel them at some point...I know I have to!

Also sorry about all the typos in my first post...I don't seem to be able to edit it..?

lillamy

I think the edit function goes away after a certain period of time -- don't worry about it.

I can tell you what happened to me -- I managed very well with just keeping on putting one foot in front of the other and doing all the STUFF that needed doing after I left. Practical stuff. I kept my to-do list filled and kept checking things off and patting myself on the back as I got things done. I was also surprised at how little I felt.

Getting my emotions back was a long process for me. I think there's some way we're created to stay protected because even if things have come out, they've come out at a pace that I have mostly been able to handle. Sure, there have been days of anxiety and pain and anger (lots of anger) but I wouldn't worry about NOW what may happen LATER. Just worry about NOW and today and take care of yourself in the now. That's what's most important. (((hugs)))

Wahine

Think of yourself as lucky. I can't get AH to leave. Now he I s abusing me financially. Just do not get weak and let him Back in. When I am feeling weak I would look at a slip of paper I carry with a list of all the crappy things he had done.
Hang in there.

SusyQ

I am new here. I just want to say. BRAVO .
You now have PEACE in your home. A safe place to be.
Only you know whwn the time is right.
I know that in the past , I have had to do what you just did.It is never easy.

FireSprite

Just sending you some hugs today jarp, it's so surreal when you start making changes this big sometimes isn't it?

That's the word that I always came back to when describing that emotional numbness you talk about.... surreal. It feels almost out-of-bodyish, like I'm watching it happen to a character in a show & not actually living it.

Good for you for standing up for yourself & your boundaries! I hope today is a better day!!

Refiner

GOOD for you, jarp. Stay strong. He will come calling/crawling.

Hawkeye13

Hi jarp;

Just wanted to see how you are and tell you as a ACOA I really think
you are making a wise choice for your children and yourself.

I know it hasn't been easy. I admire you for taking a stand in a very tough situation.

inpieces314

Once, I was having a baby, not by an addict. I was in labor and told my dad it was the worst day of my life.

He said, and I quote, "Don't ever forget how you feel right now because he will be back."

I never forgot, and although I have had worse days since then, it helps to remember. What you lose by staying, what you gain by leaving. And even though that random sperm donor wasn't an alcoholic, what my dad said was true, and I never forgot.

So, no matter how hard it gets, don't ever forget what you left behind when leaving him, no matter what he says or does, it will never change. YOU do what YOU have to do, and that is the end of it.