Chilledice

I deserve a drink, a nice double vodka! maybe a few cans of beer to go with it! After all look at all the hard work I have put into sobriety 19 days with ZERO alcohol. I can start again tomorrow, its all in the mind anyway, maybe I wont even touch the beers but that vodka is goona taste sooooooooo wonderful and yes I have indeed earned it!


That is my A.V talking to me today! Over and over and over IT WONT STOP!!! I have 19 days sober I don't wanna mess that up! Im not goona lie tho I feel like its goona be day 1 tomorrow because I am SERIOUSLY close to buying booze! I don't even like vodka but my A.V is telling me how smooth it is!

I don't know what to do, im DESPERATE for a drink!! I wanna get drunk but I don't wanna get drunk ohhh man im in a bad way right now!

suki44883

Vodka is nasty! You don't want it and you know you don't want it. If you realize this is all your AV, then you realize it is lying. The AV always lies. Don't fall for it.

Nuudawn

Now why in the world would good effort be reward what is definably..by it very nature...poison? Is cyanide ..smoooooooooth. I certainly understand how we alkie's think of alcohol as some sort of reward..but break it down...it's a lecherous liquid that wreaks havoc on our brains, our systems, our lives.

Go buy yourself a new shirt.

ScottFromWI

Try this - make a list of the possible good outcomes of getting a drink. Keep in mind it won't be one drink either, or even a couple.

Cowgirlie

Don't do it Chillie!! Quick, run! Hide! Shake off that AV!
C'mon I'm 10 days behind you and can't very well follow your lead if you fall off the wagon now can I!? So there. 'Nuff said. Just say no lol

SoberLeigh

Hey, Chilledice; that demonic AV is a liar; it is telling you want a drink and that you earned a drink but, really, you don't want it and what you have EARNED through hard work is sobriety. Hope you don't give it up.

There are so many stories here on SR where people have achieved sobriety, thought they had alcoholism licked and could have a drink or be a normal drinker, only to have that drink and find themselves in the same dark (or even darker) hole they had worked so hard to climb out of.

Hang tough, Chilledice. Rooting for you.

biminiblue

Is it just for a reward?

Easy, go do something that is actually nice for you. Buy a new CD or some new music. Buy a new phone, or get your hair cut. Take a walk in some tall trees.

hokey

Play it out to the end ... a double vodka and then a few beers, then another double vodka (because it was so smooooth) and a few more beers, repeat until you are incoherent, stumbling, blacking out. Waking up tomorrow with a raging hangover, headache, nausea, guilt and shame. Back to day 1. Here we go again.

Doesn't sound like much fun, nor much of a reward for all that hard work.

Don't let that little monster in your head convince you that this is a good idea. It's not. You can do this ... just one more day.

I agree with Nuudawn ... go buy yourself a new shirt

resolute50

"I have dark circles under my eyes, my eyelids are swollen up and my skin colour just looks a deathy pale white! i DONT look the same from 18 months ago! Anyways just wondering if there are any tips or advice you guys can give me to help me quit for good? Oh and also if i do manage to stop drinking, will the dark circles go? It really does bother me and has knocked my confidence big time!"

Remember these words,this point in your life?
Look back at where you were.
No confidence,looking terrible.

Chilledice

And now im finally starting to look good, ahhh I dunno, this is draining!

StayStrong33

Reward yourself by waking up another morning sober! You're almost at 3 weeks. Use that money and treat yourself to something you won't regret

Foolsgold186

Chilledice, have strength. Find it from somewhere within yourself, don't let a bottle of booze undo all your brilliant work. Fast forward tomorrow.....day 1, full of self loathing, proudness in yourself gone, feeling Ill. Wow what a reward.......

L x

Chilledice

I miss it Leigh I really do

Stoogy

I hear you, but really what would drinking actually achieve? Here's a list

1- hangover
2- anxiety
3- further withdrawals
4- Low self esteem
5- starting again at day 1

Don't do it, it simply is not worth it.

Foolsgold186

Miss misery?! Seriously?! No you don't. Fight it, tell it to p*ss right off. Take a walk, eat, watch a film, talk to a friend, keep talking to us. Just don't let it defeat you.

L x

mecanix

The sweats , the shakes , the bad skin , dog death , loosing mobile phones and wallets , getting into arguments with people over stuff i can't remember , the isolation , the worry driving the day after , the worry if my liver is gonna give out this time , or my blood pressure kill me .
Pee'ing myself , being incontinent , putting my hand through windows , tripping over my own feet , tripping over clothes , falling and getting bruised , burning food in the oven or grill , not eating dinner because of burning food . leaving taps on, doors open , loosing money . Never quite having enough money , blood shot eyes , saying and doing emotionally manipulative things , forcing argument so i could drink , using other peoples celebrations or losses to pursue my own binges .

I don't miss it , m

scintillady

I have been taking the money I would have spent on drinking and indulging myself at places that I don't usually eat, since I am a cheapskate about eating out. Now I know that this will have to stop soon, as I want to lose weight, and some of the food I have been eating is not necessarily the best for me, but just for now I'm giving myself permission to exchange drink for food. Since most of my junk food habit was formed while I was drinking alone in the evening, I figure after I'm a little farther along on my sober journey (I'm at 23 days) I can work on the food part and then maybe even get in some more exercise. One thing I have been doing lately whenever I have the urge to drink on my days off is to take the dog to the dog park. Before, I wouldn't have been able to go to the dog park on the spur of the moment because I have to drive there, and I would have been drinking. The dog seems to appreciate it, and it feels good to get out there.

Gonnachange

Hang in there Chilled. I'm having a bit of a rough time also right now and I'm just trying to ride it through. It's about 23 minutes after the hour; my goal is to make it the next hour and go from there. We can do this!

I often find a change of scenery helps. Get up, go somewhere, move about, and always drink a lot of water or whatever your non alcoholic drink of preference is.

Verte

What you deserve is true and blissful peace.

Hard task but worth plowing through without a drink to find. Hang in there.

pupkin

Ugh, chilledice, I'm right there with you. This reward mentality is brutal. I struggled at day 19. Struggled even more yesterday at day 29. On days 20 and today, 30, I think, "I did it! Now I REALLY deserve a reward!!"

Which is utterly ridiculous in its irony and probably bordering on insane.

But if we made it to day 19 (and beyond) we must be built for brutality. Let's both keep going. The reward would feel great, but would it feel better than the regret? For me I think no. That's my flotation device at the moment.