phoenixbot

Withdrawal is pretty bad this time around. Enough shaking and sweating and getting sick for me to contemplate a detox. Never tried it. I'm terrified to do this alone again, but also terrified to go. Sorry if this is long, I don't get out much. Feel free to skip to the last paragraph.

My boyfriend hasn't accused me of drinking again, but I'm pretty sure he's found some bottles and is just praying for a miracle turnaround. (I actually put one in the oven; good thing I remembered it was there.) All the while, I guess I've been kind of praying for death and didn't see any harm in adding more lies and mistakes to the pile.

(It's funny how much I sometimes want to die when on a bender, until I actually feel like I'm dying.)

I'm just wondering if anyone has ever been left by a loved one after deciding to get sober at rehab. I have no idea how any of this works--I know that detox is shorter, and sometimes you just do outpatient, and sometimes you go directly into inpatient. But whether seven days or thirty, I'm terrified that once I reveal that I need help getting sober, instead of being happy and proud he'll be disappointed. And that I won't have a home to come home to. I don't really know anyone else in my city at the moment. At least anyone who still cares.

I also have no idea how to choose a place or if it's even right for me I guess. Emergency rooms are so awful, and in New York, often busy and understaffed. Don't really want to try to detox there. I already feel awful enough. On the other hand, I'm concerned that a longer program might up the chances my boyfriend kicks me out. Like my being away will remind him how good life can be without me...

Like I said, though, this will be my first time, so if anyone has any input on coming clean to a loved one at the end of his rope, or what to look for in a rehab program, it would be greatly appreciated.

resolute50

Hi Phoenix,

I personally don't know how any loved one could be disappointed getting news that you've decided to end the madness of alcoholism.
Focus on yourself for now. Get yourself better!

Don't let anxiety stop you from making a decision that will change your life for the better.
I know,I was a bottle stasher for many years. Now I treasure my sobriety more than anything.

ScottFromWI

Anything is possible Phoenix, but honesty is the best tool i've found to begin rebuilding my life sober. Think of it this way - you are already lying on a daily basis by hiding bottles, etc to conceal your drinking. Coming clean and admitting you need help can certainly only help you. Regarding finding a Detox, have you spoken with your doctor or perhaps your insurance company? I would imagine there are many, many options in NY.

You've made a great decision though - that's the first step - be strong and stick around.

EndGameNYC

I did inpatient detox at Roosevelt Hospital, and I'd readily recommend it to anyone. Not all NYC city hospitals/ERs are "awful," chaotic and understaffed. That's the part of you that doesn't want to get help that's telling you this. "The remedy is worse than the affliction." That's also the part of you that's telling you that your boyfriend will be disappointed or even leave you if you were to get help.

There are other hospital-based detoxes in the city, and most do a very good job. Do some research.

St. Luke's Roosevelt Hospital: Inpatient Alcohol & Drug Detox - New York - - New York City, New York

Aellyce

Here is a website with various treatment options:
35 Detox and Drug Rehabs in New York NY - Detoxification

Wastinglife

The last thing that you should be worrying about right now is what your boyfriend thinks. You need to get the best help you can for your own sake. If you keep drinking your relationship will not last anyway, trust me.

Do what's best for you! Get sober, then worry about the rest.

phoenixbot

Thanks for the support and information--I have renewed faith that my partner will be happy I'm willing to try something new and redouble my efforts. I guess, at the end of the day, I kind of have to have that faith and just move my focus quickly to the staying sober part.

P.S. I didn't mean to make a generalized statement or come off as derisive toward ERs/hospitals, or detox/rehab programs (which I have zero experience with). I've just had a few bad and weird experiences in the past two years.

choublak

Are you worried he'll be disappointed when you tell him you're going to rehab? Or worried he'll be disappointed with you after you leave rehab?

phoenixbot

The first. I'm actually feeling slightly better this afternoon and have decided to see my physician tomorrow first before doing anything regarding treatment.

But I still feel like I should try to be honest and have faith. Keeping my drinking a secret from the person I live with and love has always been something that, well, keeps me drinking. It's just hard. He gets so angry and disappointed. Which is his right, I suppose, given he's spent three years of his life begging me to stop drinking.

Thepatman

Seeing your doctor is a great idea. Try to pack as much sober hours before you go. Even if you have shakes. It will allow him to better diagnose your level of physical dependance to Alcohol.

As for your partner, you must do this for you first. Time to be on the selfish side. This is your battle for your life. If you come back and he's gone, you will have your answer.

You can do this, keep us posted. We will be here to support you ;-)

Dee74

Hi Phoenixbot

I never had anyone leave me after I got sober but I wrecked two long term relationships while I was drunk.

Why not simply see your usual Dr? Talk with them, see what they suggest.
If you don;t have one, now would be a good time to find one?

D

phoenixbot

Thanks, friends. Helpful words of wisdom, as always. I feel good about today's new route. Just need to stay on course tomorrow and be completely honest with the doctor and take his advice on how to proceed.