migeon02

I'm trying to get myself back into the AA program. First let me say I'm sober and been sober for a wile now. I know I need the fellowship. But my main problem is sharing about me in the rooms.I have a problem speaking in front of a group of people. I been told you don't have to share and when I used to go I used to say I pass. But it seems to get old after a wile. My mind goes blank or when i share I feel like Im not saying what i want to say and end up feeling worse after I share. Sometimes people in the rooms start putting pressure on me to start sharing. Is it possible to go to aa and just pass for the rest of my life?

GwenCummings

I dont know the answer to your question. Do you want to work the programme with a sponsor?

Nuudawn

I think sharing...opening ourselves up a little...letting folks in to help...bringing the wound to light is very cathartic and helpful to healing..
But perhaps you would rather do that another way...here with some anonymity..with a counsellor etc.

Getting it out is good...no?

megacrankcase

I know exactly what you mean. Certain local parties pressured me right out of the program.

Anna

I don't know about that. Do you have a sponsor that you can ask?

LadyinBC

I personally don't think people should feel pressured into sharing. I do depending on the set up of the room. If I can sit and it is a smaller group then I will. Big group with the podium.....um no. If I feel like sharing I will, if not, I won't.

I go to AA to be with people like me and listen. That is mostly why I go. It is not up to me or anyone else to make someone feel bad or feel pressured into sharing. Not my call. They will share when it is right for them.

aasharon90

I understand exactly how you feel and
I'm pretty sure lots of other members
also feel the same.

When the time is right you will know it.

I use to bring a platter filled with crackers,
cookies, baked goods as apart of my service
work. That was my way of giving back the
only way I knew how comfortably for me.

Each time I brought something, which was
to many many many meetings it allowed
others not only know that I was there, sitting
somewhere's in the room, hiding out, listening,
absorbing, going to many different meetings,
to avoid talking, eventually, many yrs. later
to begin to share a little.

I also read whatever they needed read in
meetings so at least they could hear my
voice. Many knew I was scared of sharing,
but if I was sitting by a friend in recovery
and they shared a little something, then,
as a friend, I wanted to share too so we
would be together in sharing on the topic.

I knew I didn't have to share an encyclopedia
when I said something and when I did say
something, I made it short and sweet protaining
to the topic and recovery.

I kept telling me that no one will remember
what I said the next time I went to a meeting,
unless it was super profound....lol

You can go, listen, aborb and return here to
SR and share what the topic was at ur meeting
and others will chime in with their own ESH.

Keep It Simple Simple Simple.!!!!!

choublak

Maybe write down what you want to say beforehand, on note cards or in your phone? Don't actually read it aloud, but just have it so you remember what to talk about.

MIRecovery

There is one aspect that has not been mentioned. By sharing we my be helping someone else stay sober that day. It is simply not all about me.

I feel it is my responsibility to give back was was so freely given to me. If no one said anything I don't think SR or A A would work very well.

Newcomers help old timers in so many ways

hardhearts

I have the same problem, actually. I get really nervous but I feel compelled to share at times and so I will but then I feel bad or stupid for what I've shared. Big podium meetings, no way. But even in my small home group I find myself uncomfortable some days. Instead of flat out "passing" I usually try to address the topic - even if it's just a sentence, a "grateful to be here" and a thanks to the chairperson. Not every share needs to be an inspirational novella. I find I learn far more from listening than sharing, anyway.

If you have a sponsor, talk to them about it. My sponsor knows I struggle with this and has told me that she will never make me share in a meeting, what she cares about is that I am talking to her. I think it takes time to be comfortable if public speaking is a fear. That's understandable. Don't let anyone pressure you to talk or make you feel bad for how you feel. It's your program and, frankly, not their business.

Carlotta

Maybe you should try to go to steps meetings, those tend to be smaller and you do not have to share about you but rather in a general way how you apply the steps in your life. Also, if you are female women meetings tend to be smaller and more intimate

Mentium

One option might be to pre-plan what you want to say - perhaps even write it down. Just a sentence or two perhaps just to break the ice. Memorise it or even read it out loud from your note - perhaps even admit to your difficulty with public speaking (it is quite common and alcoholics have a catalogue of social anxiety issues after all!).

You might find it gets a bit easier if you break yourself in slowly like this.

FeenixxRising

Instead of saying "pass", you could simply say "I'm happy and grateful to be sober today. That's all I have". Or you could use another short and simple comment.

Soberpotamus

I don't share in AA, but I do share in Continuing Care where I did my IOP program. And that is because, at this point in time, I've not felt safe enough to share in the AA rooms. I do feel safe to share at CC group.

Really, I think it's a good idea to share when you feel ready to. I see AA as a mutual support recovery program. I don't buy into the idea of pure altruism. I don't "sacrifice" myself for the greater good. I see it as a symbiotic relationship. That works for me.

Aellyce

Migeon, I am also pretty new to AA and don't go to many meetings, but for me actually it's the interaction I tend to enjoy best. As for the sharing anxiety, one thing I heard from another newbie at one of the meetings is that it helps her become much more comfortable with formal sharing if there are other people in the meeting that she knows and has spoken with informally before. She said she likes to sit next to such people and simply that makes her feel much easier. Like others said, if you have a sponsor maybe stay close to them, or others you feel a connection with.

DoubleBarrel

I didnt read all the responses, but AA is NOT about sharing with a group.

in fact, old timers used to tell newcomers NOT to share early on, because they didnt feel that they had anything useful to contribute to the SOLUTION of not drinking.

AA is really in doing the steps. This can be worked through with a sponsor. And FWIW, about 1/4 of the people in my meetings just say hello, and pass. No comments necessary.

Go and listen. Find a sponser. Its ok to be anxious and not share.

2muchpain

I'm sure they are just trying to be supportive, but nobody should feel pressured to do anything in AA. For some people, just walking through the door is about as much pressure as a person can take. Have you tried talking to people before or after the meetings, in a less formal situation? That might help you build some confidence and feel more comfortable in the meetings.

jason2

Yeah, you can do that.

Mountainmanbob

yes
we have two in my M-F AA group who always pass (and have for years)
it is not a big deal

Mountainman

CAPTAINZING2000

When I first started AA many years back, the only thing I could share, I knew how to get drunk. At least these days I can share how I stayed sober.