Shaking up the snow globe
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Shaking up the snow globe
I posted a few weeks ago about a dating mess I sort of got myself in - the thing is I wasn't feeling bad about it nor did I think I was doing anything wrong necessarily it was just a bit "uncomfortable" due to all I had going on. A couple people suggested I simplify my life and really that didn't feel like the answer to me.
I talked about it in counseling and my T shared with me that this is a common thing that happens when you start changing. Change after a long period of stagnacity (sp) can feel uncomfortable and that uncomfortable feeling is actually a good sign of growth. It means I had the courage to shake up that virtual snow globe (my life) that had been sitting there for years unshaken. When you try new things you don't know what will and won't work, you have to try things and take the risk. And that's the snow flying...you don't know where it will land and that's ok!
I just applied for a new house!! I don't know if I will get it but it's ok! So more snow is flying...and it's OK. I'm still hanging out with my XRAH and dating a couple other guys..and it's OK. I just got a new job with a huge raise and it's doing something different which means I have to adjust my routine...and it's OK. I've been adjusting friendships letting some go (a very un-supportive friend I just don't mesh with any more) and keeping some and I don't know how it will all turn out. And that's OK! I took some paid time off work starting in August to try to finish my novel, it was a risky way to take the paid time off I've earned - I don't know how that will turn out but it's OK! I lost 20 lbs by changing my lifestyle eating wise (kicked a sugar addiction and purged it from my diet) and the next step is adding exercise (scary but ok!). It's the snow flying around that little globe - it will settle eventually but not too long I never want to remain stagnant again!
I just thought I'd share...if nothing changes the snow never flies and that is the feeling of stuck I used to have...I'm two years out from life with an active A and my life IS complicated but I like it! And when I look to me now and me then I really am an entirely different person and I like this person.
Anyone else ever hear the snow globe analogy? The way I understand it it to change you have to shake it up and yes it may feel uncomfortable sometimes but that's actually a sign things are changing which is good.
I talked about it in counseling and my T shared with me that this is a common thing that happens when you start changing. Change after a long period of stagnacity (sp) can feel uncomfortable and that uncomfortable feeling is actually a good sign of growth. It means I had the courage to shake up that virtual snow globe (my life) that had been sitting there for years unshaken. When you try new things you don't know what will and won't work, you have to try things and take the risk. And that's the snow flying...you don't know where it will land and that's ok!
I just applied for a new house!! I don't know if I will get it but it's ok! So more snow is flying...and it's OK. I'm still hanging out with my XRAH and dating a couple other guys..and it's OK. I just got a new job with a huge raise and it's doing something different which means I have to adjust my routine...and it's OK. I've been adjusting friendships letting some go (a very un-supportive friend I just don't mesh with any more) and keeping some and I don't know how it will all turn out. And that's OK! I took some paid time off work starting in August to try to finish my novel, it was a risky way to take the paid time off I've earned - I don't know how that will turn out but it's OK! I lost 20 lbs by changing my lifestyle eating wise (kicked a sugar addiction and purged it from my diet) and the next step is adding exercise (scary but ok!). It's the snow flying around that little globe - it will settle eventually but not too long I never want to remain stagnant again!
I just thought I'd share...if nothing changes the snow never flies and that is the feeling of stuck I used to have...I'm two years out from life with an active A and my life IS complicated but I like it! And when I look to me now and me then I really am an entirely different person and I like this person.
Anyone else ever hear the snow globe analogy? The way I understand it it to change you have to shake it up and yes it may feel uncomfortable sometimes but that's actually a sign things are changing which is good.
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Aeryn,
I like your post. Thank you.
I have not heard that analogy before. I had to think on it a bit.
You sound excited and happy and energized by all the changes in your life and, indeed, you are on the go and you have accomplished lots of chamge in a short time. I was struck by your statement that you are a different person. Really? What do you mean exactly?
My life has also been shooken up and the snow has been whirling so it's sometimes white out conditions though and then no one can go anywhere!!! I would actually like the snow to settle finally. The changes feel less exciting and more tiresome lately. Earlier after xah and I split my demeanor was more open and positive. Now I feel tired and yet more change is inevitable. I am going to be back in the workforce and I am dragging my feet. I have men pop into my life and I drag my feet. I just want some same after all the change!!!
I liked my life before, minus the bit about the difficult husband.
I also would never say that I am a different person. I am more me than I ever was married to an active A. I am so much more me it's ridiculous.
So I wonder if you feeling like a different person is a good thing or maybe not. Are you making noise in your life to distract yourself from inner work that you need to be doing? Just a question that your post leaves me with.
And my foot dragging? I am worn out. But I finished my half Ironman last weekend and this may be part of post race blues. I just want to play with my children by the lake and have everything feel normal. No more stirring, no more snow!
I like your post. Thank you.
I have not heard that analogy before. I had to think on it a bit.
You sound excited and happy and energized by all the changes in your life and, indeed, you are on the go and you have accomplished lots of chamge in a short time. I was struck by your statement that you are a different person. Really? What do you mean exactly?
My life has also been shooken up and the snow has been whirling so it's sometimes white out conditions though and then no one can go anywhere!!! I would actually like the snow to settle finally. The changes feel less exciting and more tiresome lately. Earlier after xah and I split my demeanor was more open and positive. Now I feel tired and yet more change is inevitable. I am going to be back in the workforce and I am dragging my feet. I have men pop into my life and I drag my feet. I just want some same after all the change!!!
I liked my life before, minus the bit about the difficult husband.
I also would never say that I am a different person. I am more me than I ever was married to an active A. I am so much more me it's ridiculous.
So I wonder if you feeling like a different person is a good thing or maybe not. Are you making noise in your life to distract yourself from inner work that you need to be doing? Just a question that your post leaves me with.
And my foot dragging? I am worn out. But I finished my half Ironman last weekend and this may be part of post race blues. I just want to play with my children by the lake and have everything feel normal. No more stirring, no more snow!
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Pippi,
I think perhaps my post is poorly worded - I stir my own globe not my XRAH or anyone else - so only I shake it (I CHOSE the changes for ME not because of him or because of anyone else or in response to anything outside of me). I do it because I follow my gut instinct and my inner self and inner desires. I am finding myself...and quite frankly it's great. Your globe doesn't sound at all like mine - sounds like it's about your external circumstances to me and not about you and your inner self...perhaps I misread though, apologies if so!
My unhappiness in my marriage was NOT my XRAH's fault. I am responsible for myself and what happens to me. He was not. I chose to be there. I chose to be rigid, controlling, and focused on what I thought I was "supposed" to do in life not what I wanted or what I needed (that led me to stay in an unhappy marriage and become an angry person)...I thought I was "supposed" to be married with kids to be happy...quite the opposite actually for me...that rigid view I had made me miserable. When I was in that marriage I was negative, judgmental and made assumptions about others to try to make myself feel better about my own situation.
I am not only THRILLED to no longer be that person I never want to be that person again. Now I'm free and casual and I follow my gut and my inner instinct...and guess what things just started coming my way. That house I applied for is in my dream neighborhood near my new BFF (someone I would NEVER have expected to be my BFF in my old life because well he didn't fit the "mold" of what I thought my BFF should be...this person is really the best friend I've probably had my whole life...a true connection not based on expectations). Once I started following my gut instinct and shaking my own globe things just started happening - my dream house, a real BFF, my dream job (I have two jobs and have literally raised my income 50%), my dream novel, and well I never got to casually date before and I love that too. No I'm not distracted by "noise" quite honestly I'm doing great. I did my OWN thing with the therapy (so I realize this is not a very Alanony approach) and hey it works for me. It may not work for everyone!
I hope your external globe settles. But the other one...well I'm all for shaking that one up. 
I think perhaps my post is poorly worded - I stir my own globe not my XRAH or anyone else - so only I shake it (I CHOSE the changes for ME not because of him or because of anyone else or in response to anything outside of me). I do it because I follow my gut instinct and my inner self and inner desires. I am finding myself...and quite frankly it's great. Your globe doesn't sound at all like mine - sounds like it's about your external circumstances to me and not about you and your inner self...perhaps I misread though, apologies if so!
My unhappiness in my marriage was NOT my XRAH's fault. I am responsible for myself and what happens to me. He was not. I chose to be there. I chose to be rigid, controlling, and focused on what I thought I was "supposed" to do in life not what I wanted or what I needed (that led me to stay in an unhappy marriage and become an angry person)...I thought I was "supposed" to be married with kids to be happy...quite the opposite actually for me...that rigid view I had made me miserable. When I was in that marriage I was negative, judgmental and made assumptions about others to try to make myself feel better about my own situation.
I am not only THRILLED to no longer be that person I never want to be that person again. Now I'm free and casual and I follow my gut and my inner instinct...and guess what things just started coming my way. That house I applied for is in my dream neighborhood near my new BFF (someone I would NEVER have expected to be my BFF in my old life because well he didn't fit the "mold" of what I thought my BFF should be...this person is really the best friend I've probably had my whole life...a true connection not based on expectations). Once I started following my gut instinct and shaking my own globe things just started happening - my dream house, a real BFF, my dream job (I have two jobs and have literally raised my income 50%), my dream novel, and well I never got to casually date before and I love that too. No I'm not distracted by "noise" quite honestly I'm doing great. I did my OWN thing with the therapy (so I realize this is not a very Alanony approach) and hey it works for me. It may not work for everyone!
I hope your external globe settles.
But the other one...well I'm all for shaking that one up. Member
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oh PS - maybe if you feel tired that's your gut telling you to take a break? I don't know...just throwing it out there. For me with the new me when I'm tired I rest and I don't worry about what might happen due to me resting for a bit....I used to worry about that. I just let the snow fly while I rest - LOL.
Also I do have bad days - OF COURSE...but what I've found is if I talk about them they pass...and they pass if I don't so I just let the snow fly and wait for the next good day.
I don't know...just throwing it out there. For me with the new me when I'm tired I rest and I don't worry about what might happen due to me resting for a bit....I used to worry about that. I just let the snow fly while I rest - LOL.Also I do have bad days - OF COURSE...but what I've found is if I talk about them they pass...and they pass if I don't so I just let the snow fly and wait for the next good day.
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Aeryn,
I get it now. Thanks for the clarification.
Yes, I think you are shaking your own globe. When I am in charge of my decisions I am fine, too
But yes, with four children on board and xah dragging out the divorce these past 18 months, our snow globe gets shaken not just by us but by forces beyond our control so it has been tough. Then when opportunities arise to make changes in my life that could be positive, I am resisting because I just want to keep my balance. I am afraid any more change would be too much for my children and I. How does a man fit in to my/our life? Where does that time come from and how would he be sharing me with my brood? I used to be excited about new relationships and now I am more wary. And going to work is going to take so much out of me. I would never have had four children if I thought they'd be mostly abandoned by their father and his family and I would have to be away from them so much. I don't want to leave them!!!!!
Aeryn, I am happy for you. You are finding out who you really are and how much you are capable of!!! Keep enjoying life and congratulations on the house!!!
I get it now. Thanks for the clarification.
Yes, I think you are shaking your own globe. When I am in charge of my decisions I am fine, too
But yes, with four children on board and xah dragging out the divorce these past 18 months, our snow globe gets shaken not just by us but by forces beyond our control so it has been tough. Then when opportunities arise to make changes in my life that could be positive, I am resisting because I just want to keep my balance. I am afraid any more change would be too much for my children and I. How does a man fit in to my/our life? Where does that time come from and how would he be sharing me with my brood? I used to be excited about new relationships and now I am more wary. And going to work is going to take so much out of me. I would never have had four children if I thought they'd be mostly abandoned by their father and his family and I would have to be away from them so much. I don't want to leave them!!!!!
Aeryn, I am happy for you. You are finding out who you really are and how much you are capable of!!! Keep enjoying life and congratulations on the house!!!
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Aeryn, firstly congrats on getting your new home! So exciting, and I think it also signifys a new life.
I agree with your post....things that seem painful are actually opportunities for growth. And really, that's what life is about - growing and becoming the best YOU possible!
Sounds like you are going well and thanks for the analogy - I always loved snow globes!
I agree with your post....things that seem painful are actually opportunities for growth. And really, that's what life is about - growing and becoming the best YOU possible!
Sounds like you are going well and thanks for the analogy - I always loved snow globes!
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Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng 
Aeryn,
I get it now. Thanks for the clarification.
Yes, I think you are shaking your own globe. When I am in charge of my decisions I am fine, too
But yes, with four children on board and xah dragging out the divorce these past 18 months, our snow globe gets shaken not just by us but by forces beyond our control so it has been tough. Then when opportunities arise to make changes in my life that could be positive, I am resisting because I just want to keep my balance. I am afraid any more change would be too much for my children and I. How does a man fit in to my/our life? Where does that time come from and how would he be sharing me with my brood? I used to be excited about new relationships and now I am more wary. And going to work is going to take so much out of me. I would never have had four children if I thought they'd be mostly abandoned by their father and his family and I would have to be away from them so much. I don't want to leave them!!!!!
Aeryn, I am happy for you. You are finding out who you really are and how much you are capable of!!! Keep enjoying life and congratulations on the house!!!
I get it now. Thanks for the clarification.
Yes, I think you are shaking your own globe. When I am in charge of my decisions I am fine, too
But yes, with four children on board and xah dragging out the divorce these past 18 months, our snow globe gets shaken not just by us but by forces beyond our control so it has been tough. Then when opportunities arise to make changes in my life that could be positive, I am resisting because I just want to keep my balance. I am afraid any more change would be too much for my children and I. How does a man fit in to my/our life? Where does that time come from and how would he be sharing me with my brood? I used to be excited about new relationships and now I am more wary. And going to work is going to take so much out of me. I would never have had four children if I thought they'd be mostly abandoned by their father and his family and I would have to be away from them so much. I don't want to leave them!!!!!
Aeryn, I am happy for you. You are finding out who you really are and how much you are capable of!!! Keep enjoying life and congratulations on the house!!!
Oh and for the record my mom worked full time as did my A dad and I will say that particular thing was something I looked up to in both of them (and they were horrible parents - my Mom is NPD and my Dad was an A - so this was one of their good traits in my eyes)....so maybe your children will think it's something cool and see how it shows how strong you are. And the time you do have will be more quality and more valued maybe.
New relationships I find those scary too - these ones I'm in both developed from friendships first which I think helps me be less wary.
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