Raider

What the heck? I'm so moody. Cranky. Depressed. Generally not a very fun person to be around. Wed and Thurs I slept until 11am. I never do that. I just don't feel like doing anything. What I really want is a drink or 47 of them. I take antidepressants and I still feel like a yoyo. I feel so sad. I read these posts about how much better life is without drinking, and I'm just not catching the enthusiasm.

I'm going to the cabin next week for three weeks. I have some concerns about that. Maybe that's my problem. Although I am so looking forward to getting out of this freaking heat, and away from everything. After that, I'll be flying back to Alaska for awhile.

Maybe it's just the 122 blues....

Dee74

Do you have support outside SR Raider? I can't remember.

D

Raider

No not really except for some AA buds in Alaska I text occasionally.

Dee74

I just thought maybe a little more support might be helpful right now, Raider?

D

Nuudawn

As I noted before where you're at was a period I did not get through...I was bored, disgruntled, irritable, discontented, restless..... pretty much thinking like the old song someone mentioned the other day..

"Is That All There Is?".... I think maybe your are in some sort of "in between"..no man's land..maybe? Quit high..pink cloud thing has kind of burst.

Perhaps you need some new challenges...mind stimulation. Maybe get one of those 10 dollar audio CD's I saw on the internet (and seriously considered) to learn a new language like Italian or French..

Geez...I dunno Pam. I'm just sorry you're strugglin'.

patricia68

I never felt 100% like myself while I was on antidepressants. You build tolerance and after a while they stop working. Have you seen your Dr lately?

Raider

Yes I saw the doctor last month and I go again on Tuesday. This is the shrink guy. I'll see him one or two more times, and if I'm not getting what I want, I'll find a different one. I was looking for a "Frazier" shrink...you know, I lay on the couch and talk while you listen type thing? This has not been my experience with him so far.

patricia68

It took me 7 different shrinks until I found my Frasier. I'd suggest you try a different one. Pills only without the "talk" never helped me

ImperfectlyMe

Raider great job you've come so very far!!

The further you get removed the less you'll remember these times. In fact if you asked me today if I felt that way a few months in, I might say I'm not sure. But I did!!! I was reading my older threads today and you sound a bit like me a few moons ago. My advise is just hang on, stay here, don't drink.

You will never ever regret not having taken a drink, you can't say the same about taking one.

This was me at 3 months .... It gets better raider!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ays-stuck.html

ImperfectlyMe

Btw a wise former muppet laid it to me straight

Tetra

I'm sorry you are not feeling well.

I have my "Frasier" kind of...well I sit in the chair (not lie down) and he listens

I think it does get better you know. The first few months I didn't want to leave my room but now I am out and about doing things...

I don't really know what to tell you. Except that when I was drinking I was a very selfish person, and now I find my life is somewhat easier when I focus less on myself and think of others more (my dad in particular, who I am very close to and I am sorry I nearly broke him).

I have started reading again and rediscovered my love of books.

I envy you going to the cabin...sounds like fun! I am hoping to go to France for a week or ten days and I am looking forward to going for walks in the sun, eating French cheese etc...

Oh I am going mountain climbing next week and looking forward to that.

Actually my Gran has been really sick and I have been helping her out, cooking, cleaning and entertaining visitors. I don't know where the past week went...I had no time to think about drinking.

I think it's all about keeping busy. For me anyway. Even something small like baking a cake or something.

BTW I love that advice from Imperfectly Me and Dee!

happyandfree

I can relate, raider. I'm at 100 plus days and I had a bad week last week, feelING irritable, tired, and like life was plain boring without booze. I did get through it and this week was better. I've reduced my caffeine intake and have cut back on sugar. I think caffeine was contributing to my being anxious and grouchy. I'm keeping busy and thinking of new ways to have fun. It's still hard for me and I think I have to give it a few more months. I thought by now id have it licked. Drinking for any reason (every reason) was such a strong habit that it will still take a while to get over. When I get overwhelmed with negative thinking, I try to re frame my thoughts with gratitude....and remind myself that I do feel so much better. Omg...no hangovers! Hallelujah! We gotta hang in there and stay strong.

Anna

Raider, I think you've been doing really well.

But, I think you might need to find some things to do that make you happy. If going to the cabin for a few weeks is concerning you, don't go. Do something else that you'd like to do. And, do you want to go back to Alaska after that? I can't emphasize enough how important it is, at the 3 to 4 month point to begin to fill yourself with people and things that you love.

CAPTAINZING2000

Ever make a gratitude list up? Write down all the things you have to be thankful for.
How about a bucket list? Things you'd like to do but haven't done yet??
How about trying a few local meetings??

bigsombrero

Good luck - I get what you mean about "not feeling" the overwhelming joy of sobriety. I still get bugged sometimes when people shout from the mountain tops, it reminded me a lot about how people "find Jesus" but they never really give details on what exactly happens....but I digress.

Anyway, the trick is to start looking at your life on a grander scale. Can you do the things you want to do? It sounds like your'e traveling, and feeling more confident about yourself...that's a good start. Can you pay your bills? Is your health improving? These are all good things. Most of us in active alcoholism have "unmanageable" lives...I know in my case, I could not pay my bills, I did not have good relationships, I was not confident, and I had deteriorating health. Being sober doesn't mean that my life is all rainbows and cupcakes...but I can actually manage and excel as a human being in sobriety. It sounds like you can too!

Don't search too hard for those breakthrough moments. Work on Day 123, and those moments will come on their own.

jdooner

Things changed for me when I started to really trust the process. That was around six months in. What you are feeling is normal, perhaps diet could be an influence too. Hold on and keep posting - this too shall pass.

BTW - any thoughts on AA Raider? The step process is great even if other parts are not your thing. Or just getting the Big Book or going on this site and start working your step #4 - I find it therapeutic even if your not vested in the program. This can focus your attention too.

least

This will pass and you will feel more 'even'. It's common to go thru rough patches. Get thru this sober and you'll be stronger for it.

AG2013

Hang in there Raider. One of the reasons I drank so heavily all the time because I felt I needed to be in a good happy mood. Alcohol was that quick fix until it matures into wreaking your life and body. I like to think of a bad mood is just taking a break from happiness! Ride the wave and you will fell better soon. Its ok to be in a crappy mood at times. It takes a long time for your body to adjust.

grubby

Well lucky you, its 3 am here and i did not sleep at ALL yesterday........ too much stress, too much on my mind.............. no real way to cope with it. Even took a sleep pill, but it did nothing.

I think a big part of this whole thing is learning to deal with negative emotions without "help", but thats alot easier said than done..............

Well anyways, gotta go find something to "do" until the world wakes up in a few hours.

silentrun

4 months for me was severe PAWS. Sleeping all screwed up...Rage one second and depressed the next. It even shut down my thirst mechanism. It passed. If that is what is going on I suggest you read up on it. Drink plenty of water and lay off the caffeine. I got so goofy my husband asked if I was drinking. A sure sign for me is if I start pacing the floor.
Hang in there Raider this is all part of it.