longbeachone

Hi my sober friends....
It's been months since i checked in. Three months ago my husband and I moved to the Bay area from LA. Since we got here, I've become more and more isolated and lonely. I miss my friends and my family so, so much. My husband is working sixty hours a week, and I'm always alone.

I'm trying so hard to find things to do with myself, but it's much more difficult than I anticipated. We live quite close to Napa (ironic, right?) and there is just not much to do here. I'm not fighting drinking cravings per se, but I can see it looming if I don't get involved in something. I'm so depressed. I'm not asking for advise on how to get involved in things (I'm honestly working at it quite hard), I just need some TCL from all of you wonderful friends on SR.

The hardest part is that my wonderful Mom has been moved to hospice. She is dying of vascular dementia, and even though I go down as much as I can afford, I'm so terribly sad to be so far from her now. My husband just gets angry at me when I tell him that I'm miserable, which frankly is understandable. We had to move here...he needed this job, and its a great opportunity.
I can feel myself spiraling down, and every day I feel a bit worse. I sleep far too much, have lost weight because I don't have any interest in food. I know I'm depressed, but I hate to take a drug...I worked so hard to gain my sobriety six years ago!
Just asking for your prayers right now friends. I don't know what else to ask for.

Dee74

Hi Longbeachone - good to see you - I moved your thread from Daily Support

I'm sorry to hear about your mom - dealing with that would bring anyone down a little I think?

I found volunteering in my community was a great help to me - it got me out of the house and doing something useful. It also got me out of my own head, which I really needed.

Could that be an option for you too?

D

suki44883

Prayers going out for you and your mama. (((HUGS)))

Have you considered volunteering as a way to get you out of the house and give your life some structure? Animal shelters? Hospitals that welcome volunteers to rock sick babies or those born with addition? Maybe a thrift shop whose proceeds go to battered women's shelters or homeless shelters? Maybe if you focus on helping others, it will also help yourself. Just a thought.

least

My mom has dementia too. I visit her every day and it is often very depressing.

I too would suggest volunteering somewhere. Volunteering helps the giver as much as the receiver.

Bruce292

I think I spend a good portion of my life in a constant downward spiral. I always felt like there was some goal that I was supposed to obtain but was never getting there. In the last year, since I gave up drugs and alcohol I've found that's it's OK to just "be".

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so isolated. I was out of work for a while and I started doing volunteer work at the local food bank. I really did it just to regain some social contact outside of my wife who would come home exhausted from work.

Having a loved one who is both digressing and a distance away is a similar situation to what we're dealing with. It's so very sad to see someone who was once vibrant to start to fade away. Even if we were with them every day I think I would feel useless. Being far away compounds that I fear.

Depression is such a sneaky disorder. I've dealt with it for, I suspect, most of my life. Only when I could finally silenced the chatter in my own mind could I find some peace in my own skin. Meditation is what helped me with that but I don't want to get on my soapbox because it can be such a bore

I'm sorry to hear that you're caught in a low. Keep searching for those things that put a smile on your face. Good thoughts coming your way. Take care of yourself. You matter.

suki44883

I posted this on your other thread...

Prayers going out for you and your mama. (((HUGS)))

Have you considered volunteering as a way to get you out of the house and give your life some structure? Animal shelters? Hospitals that welcome volunteers to rock sick babies or those born with addition? Maybe a thrift shop whose proceeds go to battered women's shelters or homeless shelters? Maybe if you focus on helping others, it will also help yourself. Just a thought.

Pearlie52

Do you want to get a job? I think that would help. You can make new friends too. Good luck. I know how tough depression can be.

Dee74

to save confusion I'm going to merge these two threads into one
There's still a redirect link in the other forum.

D

Received

Bless your heart.

What are your interest? If you google the meetup website in your area you may find something that is of interest to you.

Hevyn

Welcome back longbeach - it's great to have you here.

Prayers going up for you and your mother. I hope you'll continue to post - we care about you.

Verte

Hi LongBeachOne Sorry to hear that you are in a tough spot. Hugs to you.

Hang on to your sobriety with both hands.

DoubleDragons

Long beach, I have been there. It sucks. We moved several states away from family and friends for my husband's job about three years ago. The rest of my family adjusted just fine, but I was a mess. I got a part time job which helped, but what helped most was time and trying to focus on the positives of the move instead of always honing in on the negatives. I can't say I am entirely adjusted and feeling right at home even yet, but I am no longer near depression. I think I complicated it all a bit, by quitting drinking 8 months ago, making everything in my life seem even stranger and newer than ever, but I honestly wouldn't go back - to my old town or my old way of life. For me, I have to be careful not to romanticize. That's when I get sad. Sending virtual hugs and positive energy!!

Siesta

Hi LongBeach,
I live in the Long Beach area now, but I'm from Petaluma originally (near Napa). I'm sorry you had to move so far away and it must be really hard to have your hubby working so much. I know how you feel. Mine works a crazy amount of hours too, which I'm super grateful for but at the same time, it's hard on a marriage and on the spouse left at home. I hope you are able to find things to do up there. At least it's a beautiful area.
I'm so sorry about your mom, and just wanted to say my thoughts are with you. My grandmother had dementia. It's heartbreaking.
You're going through some really tough things and I'm so glad you decided to post here again. I know it always helps me. Keep posting.

longbeachone

Just hearing from all of you lifts my spirits. You guys are very kind and understanding, the opposite of what I've been hearing, which is "you have no right to be feeling sorry for yourself...you don't realize how lucky you are...blah blah blah".

Everyone is right of course. I need to start volunteering, and I'm looking for a part time job too (so much work up here is winery related...MUST NOT GO THERE). As many of you know, I loved my different choral groups back in Long Beach. I love to sing. It took a long time to find a place to fit in as a member of a group, and the two choirs I was with were wonderful. I've auditioned up here, but haven't had much luck yet (I'm a soprano...we're a dime a dozen).

Thanks guys, for being understanding. I just needed some virtual hugs. People in recovery are, at least in my experience, are some of the kindest people in the world. Thanks.

Dee74

Stick around longbeachone - you've been missed

D

StormiNormi

Long beach xoxox no words, just love and cyber hugs

PurpleKnight

My thoughts are with you!! sorry to hear about your mom, it can't be easy!!

desypete

just a thought here but if your bored and nothing to do then why not move your mum in to live with you ? i am sure getting your hands full with caring would be a huge help for your time etc ?

i know when my mum got ill i had 5 kids and a wife we moved her in with us as i couldnt bear to see or think of my mum being in an old folks home
it was murder and frustrating it was hard work but at least my mum was with people she loved around her so in the end it was all worth it

i think you might find it would be so worthwhile to give it a try both for you and the boredom and your mum so its a win win thing in my eyes ?

Dee74

Hospice is generally for patients who've gone beyond home care desypete.

My grandmother had vascular dementia - I think the nuns/nurses there where she was were angels without wings.
She had wonderful, professional care 24/7.

D

longbeachone

Yes, thank you Dee. We had Mom at home until she became so ill that skilled care was essential.

I've missed you guys. I don't know why I stayed away so long. Thanks for lifting me up.