I hate this feeling.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 11
I hate this feeling.
Yesterday I woke up chalk full of regrets stemming from a "girls night out", and I've decided I no longer want to feel that way. I don't know exactly what I did or what I said because I can't remember most of the night. I'll be 28 on Monday and I haven't gone a full week without drinking since I was 15. I can't just drink to socialize I have to drink anything and everything in my path and over the last 10 years all I have done is alienate and hurt my loved ones, embarrass myself, and constantly make excuses for drunk me. I feel like I am two different people, the woman who loves her family and fiancé and would do anything for them, and the drunk who is nothing but a selfish, disorderly, mean little girl. I have always felt very scared at the idea of never having another drink, but this time is different. I want to be the woman my fiancé deserves, the dependable sister, and one day a loving mother, but most of all I want to be able to look in the mirror and love who I see, and not feel this regret and shame. I'm done this time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 610
Welcome Rosebug, I too was hungover yesterday and deeply regretting the night before. I too feel like i have the good person inside of me - the loving mom, daughter, wife and this other side. Lately I cannot even look in the mirror.
I do know though, that bad part isnt really me but my addiction and i can diminish it if I just dont drink. It never has to come out again. You are a good person, remember that. You just need to not take that first drink.
I do know though, that bad part isnt really me but my addiction and i can diminish it if I just dont drink. It never has to come out again. You are a good person, remember that. You just need to not take that first drink.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 11
Thank you, It is good to know that there are others out there who understand the struggle. The people in my life don't understand this switch that goes off inside me can't be turned off, it's all or nothing and I finally feel ready. I'm a bartender and everyone I work with are "drinkers" and some I can see a little bit of me in, but for the most part they are in no place to offer any level of support because that's what they all do for fun is drink. It's unfathomable to them why I would ever not want another drink in my life. I've tried moderation, I've tried to regain and keep control, but it's never worked for me.
☀️⛳️
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by Rosebug 
Yesterday I woke up chalk full of regrets stemming from a "girls night out", and I've decided I no longer want to feel that way. I don't know exactly what I did or what I said because I can't remember most of the night. I'll be 28 on Monday and I haven't gone a full week without drinking since I was 15. I can't just drink to socialize I have to drink anything and everything in my path and over the last 10 years all I have done is alienate and hurt my loved ones, embarrass myself, and constantly make excuses for drunk me. I feel like I am two different people, the woman who loves her family and fiancé and would do anything for them, and the drunk who is nothing but a selfish, disorderly, mean little girl. I have always felt very scared at the idea of never having another drink, but this time is different. I want to be the woman my fiancé deserves, the dependable sister, and one day a loving mother, but most of all I want to be able to look in the mirror and love who I see, and not feel this regret and shame. I'm done this time.
Hi Rosebug, welcome to SR, this is THE place to be for people just like us, the help and general advice here has helped me greatly.
Welcome aboard.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I used to bartend years ago and it was like a buffet. I could drink anything I wanted for free and I got paid to do it.
I never had any control either and every one of my friends drank the way I did. When I finally go to the point that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired I only had one friend left. I drank all the people away. I don't miss them.
There is a lot of help and support here. Keep coming back!
I never had any control either and every one of my friends drank the way I did. When I finally go to the point that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired I only had one friend left. I drank all the people away. I don't miss them.
There is a lot of help and support here. Keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 24
Your story sounds quite similar to my own Rosebug. My sobriety journey began this morning as well. Reaching out on SR in just the past few hours has made me feel welcome, understood and accepted. I've attempted sobriety in the past to no avail, and already after the kindness that has been expressed to me here has made me much more prepared for the road ahead.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 20
Hi Rosebug. Im right there with ya and look forward to your support and supporting you. It looks like we are fellow geminis and drunks and so of course we have 2 sides... sort of funny, but not. My bday is this sunday and I'll be 36. I too haven't given up the drink for more than a couple days since I was 15. This makes me cry. I am so emotional and so I know that there is truth to this decision and it is time. I just joined yesterday and have already found a ton of support here and acceptance. Welcome and congratulations.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 11
Thank you everyone! I do feel like this is the place for me, you have all been so accepting! Sunny, yes I am a Gemini we are just a day apart and I am looking forward to the first sober birthday I have had in over a decade. My fiancé already has a party planned for me at a local park/spring and it is going to be my first big test if commitment. Luckily I'll be able to avoid the alcohol by keeping my time swimming, paddle boarding and being outdoors and him and my sister are not going to be drinking as a sign of support. We can all do this together and I believe in order to be successful support is important. Maybe next year we can look back in these days and be filled with such a sense is pride knowing that we made it to our first year!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 20
Bug, are you in any sort of program or are you trying this on your own with support from here and family? I just found a place that will do initial assessment and I am looking forward to that. That is happening Friday which seems so far away. I think without it, I am doomed. My cravings have started and I can tell this is going to be one helluva road.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 11
Sunny, I have not started a program yet, I was thinking of AA and looked up some of the discussion classes in my area but I am feeling very anxious about the whole thing. I think right now the shame in my recent drunken antics have me very motivated and I am going to see how I do just using my support system and this forum. If I fell the urges or sense of "comfort" to drink set in I am going to try to find a local group to connect with. I am just so shy and get anxiety around new people.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,644
Hi Rosebug and welcome to SR, lots of help and support here for you.
Happy 28th for Monday and hats off to you for your clarity in recognising you have a problem. I took a good few more years and heartache before I gave up.
If on the journey you meet obstacles along the way Remember, they will never be as insurmountable if you drink. I wish you well and you are not alone, your with us, climb on and hold tight.xx
Happy 28th for Monday and hats off to you for your clarity in recognising you have a problem. I took a good few more years and heartache before I gave up.
If on the journey you meet obstacles along the way Remember, they will never be as insurmountable if you drink. I wish you well and you are not alone, your with us, climb on and hold tight.xx
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by Rosebug
I have always felt very scared at the idea of never having another drink, but this time is different.
Let this become your motto: "All I need to do is get thru today without taking a drink, that is it". Don't think about the next day, a week from now or a year from etc. Just get thru today. Keep it simple.
And welcome to SR you will get lots of support here.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
