I'm so annoyed.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
I'm so annoyed.
I posted the other day about a painting that my BF did for my former boss. It was unveiled at a party on Friday, and at the time she said, "Make sure you tell him that I really like it." and "He'll have to make a little plaque with information beside it so people can look him up".
He hasn't charged her anything yet, and yesterday my coworker called and said crazy lady doesn't like the painting. That is fine--everyone has their own tastes and it is no big deal. But why did she LIE? I get that she didn't want to hurt his feelings but why lay it on so thick that she liked it? She could have just not said anything. I was there for six hours on Monday going over a bunch of stuff with her for marketing and she didn't say a word to me about it.
I wish I didn't need the money for this marketing gig. I should have made a clean break two months ago. I am so tired of cleaning up after her lies. My BF is not upset. He's just going to pick it up and try selling it to someone else. There is no way in hell he should start over and try to please her further. He already put enough time and work in. I don't know that I've ever met a more passive aggressive person in my life. I'm just glad she didn't pay him and turn around and talk smack instead of stating that she didn't like it. I know the way she talks about people, and I don't want him or me to be a subject of her vitriol.
What is wrong with people?!??!
He hasn't charged her anything yet, and yesterday my coworker called and said crazy lady doesn't like the painting. That is fine--everyone has their own tastes and it is no big deal. But why did she LIE? I get that she didn't want to hurt his feelings but why lay it on so thick that she liked it? She could have just not said anything. I was there for six hours on Monday going over a bunch of stuff with her for marketing and she didn't say a word to me about it.
I wish I didn't need the money for this marketing gig. I should have made a clean break two months ago. I am so tired of cleaning up after her lies. My BF is not upset. He's just going to pick it up and try selling it to someone else. There is no way in hell he should start over and try to please her further. He already put enough time and work in. I don't know that I've ever met a more passive aggressive person in my life. I'm just glad she didn't pay him and turn around and talk smack instead of stating that she didn't like it. I know the way she talks about people, and I don't want him or me to be a subject of her vitriol.
What is wrong with people?!??!
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Ugh, passive-aggressiveness is so irritating and difficult to deal with. People who engage in that kind of behavior on a regular basis have deep issues with expressing negative feelings, views, or emotions, and they are not good at dealing with confrontations.
They have, for whatever reason, decided/learned through their experiences that they are not "allowed" to express anger or displeasure, so they try to repress it. However, obviously, that doesn't make it go away. It then builds in them and demands an outlet. So, the passive aggressive behavior begins. Because of their fear of confrontation, they let it out in ways that appear bizarre to those who don't suffer from these issues.
Unfortunately for them - and those who they come in regular contact with! - whether they intend to become abusive or not, this leads to them being abusive. Some are worse than others. But they constantly keep people confused, irritated, frustrated, etc. Personal relationships with passive aggressive people can be quite damaging to someone who does not consciously realize what is going on.
It is good that you see what is going on, see her for what she is.
It is a lonely existence for passive aggressive people. They don't know how to have rewarding, rich, or reciprocal and healthy relationships with others. They often desire closeness, but feel terrified of showing any vulnerability, which goes back to them feeling uncomfortable in expressing how they really feel if it is less than positive.
Often they were brought up in environments that stifled expression of anger or displeasure, with the consequence being that the parent(s) would cut off their love or approval. They have learned that they must be agreeable to receive love and approval, and therefore must repress anger and any form of disagreement - but obviously, these feelings do not simply melt away, and eventually demand to be released. Their fear of expressing these things and the simultaneous demand for them to be released causes a huge dilemma for them, and they feel very uneasy.
They could evolve, of course, into healthier people - but oftentimes their fear of confrontation and emotional honesty makes this prospect terrifying for them, and they fail to make healthy changes.
Sorry you have to deal with this. It can be very frustrating. Just know that inside, she is at war with herself. Doesn't necessarily make it easier to deal with, and it is complicated by the fact that the nature of this relationship is professional, but at least you know why she does it.
Peace.
They have, for whatever reason, decided/learned through their experiences that they are not "allowed" to express anger or displeasure, so they try to repress it. However, obviously, that doesn't make it go away. It then builds in them and demands an outlet. So, the passive aggressive behavior begins. Because of their fear of confrontation, they let it out in ways that appear bizarre to those who don't suffer from these issues.
Unfortunately for them - and those who they come in regular contact with! - whether they intend to become abusive or not, this leads to them being abusive. Some are worse than others. But they constantly keep people confused, irritated, frustrated, etc. Personal relationships with passive aggressive people can be quite damaging to someone who does not consciously realize what is going on.
It is good that you see what is going on, see her for what she is.
It is a lonely existence for passive aggressive people. They don't know how to have rewarding, rich, or reciprocal and healthy relationships with others. They often desire closeness, but feel terrified of showing any vulnerability, which goes back to them feeling uncomfortable in expressing how they really feel if it is less than positive.
Often they were brought up in environments that stifled expression of anger or displeasure, with the consequence being that the parent(s) would cut off their love or approval. They have learned that they must be agreeable to receive love and approval, and therefore must repress anger and any form of disagreement - but obviously, these feelings do not simply melt away, and eventually demand to be released. Their fear of expressing these things and the simultaneous demand for them to be released causes a huge dilemma for them, and they feel very uneasy.
They could evolve, of course, into healthier people - but oftentimes their fear of confrontation and emotional honesty makes this prospect terrifying for them, and they fail to make healthy changes.
Sorry you have to deal with this. It can be very frustrating. Just know that inside, she is at war with herself. Doesn't necessarily make it easier to deal with, and it is complicated by the fact that the nature of this relationship is professional, but at least you know why she does it.
Peace.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
I think the best thing is how you see her for who she is, and know this is about her own lack of healthy communication skills. Art is subjective, but Im glad your BF is getting it back so he can resell to someone who will appreciate it. Designing art is very personal for most people, and I know dealing with rejection is par for the course, but it must sting a little. At least the painting will be free from the negativity of her office, and hopefully you will be too very soon !!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Illinois
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by Katchie 
The world would be a great place if it wasn't for people..lol!
Who knows why people do that kind of garbage.
hang in there!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Originally Posted by OnawaMiniya
Ugh, passive-aggressiveness is so irritating and difficult to deal with. People who engage in that kind of behavior on a regular basis have deep issues with expressing negative feelings, views, or emotions, and they are not good at dealing with confrontations.
They have, for whatever reason, decided/learned through their experiences that they are not "allowed" to express anger or displeasure, so they try to repress it. However, obviously, that doesn't make it go away. It then builds in them and demands an outlet. So, the passive aggressive behavior begins. Because of their fear of confrontation, they let it out in ways that appear bizarre to those who don't suffer from these issues.
Unfortunately for them - and those who they come in regular contact with! - whether they intend to become abusive or not, this leads to them being abusive. Some are worse than others. But they constantly keep people confused, irritated, frustrated, etc. Personal relationships with passive aggressive people can be quite damaging to someone who does not consciously realize what is going on.
It is good that you see what is going on, see her for what she is.
It is a lonely existence for passive aggressive people. They don't know how to have rewarding, rich, or reciprocal and healthy relationships with others. They often desire closeness, but feel terrified of showing any vulnerability, which goes back to them feeling uncomfortable in expressing how they really feel if it is less than positive.
Often they were brought up in environments that stifled expression of anger or displeasure, with the consequence being that the parent(s) would cut off their love or approval. They have learned that they must be agreeable to receive love and approval, and therefore must repress anger and any form of disagreement - but obviously, these feelings do not simply melt away, and eventually demand to be released. Their fear of expressing these things and the simultaneous demand for them to be released causes a huge dilemma for them, and they feel very uneasy.
They could evolve, of course, into healthier people - but oftentimes their fear of confrontation and emotional honesty makes this prospect terrifying for them, and they fail to make healthy changes.
Sorry you have to deal with this. It can be very frustrating. Just know that inside, she is at war with herself. Doesn't necessarily make it easier to deal with, and it is complicated by the fact that the nature of this relationship is professional, but at least you know why she does it.
Peace.
They have, for whatever reason, decided/learned through their experiences that they are not "allowed" to express anger or displeasure, so they try to repress it. However, obviously, that doesn't make it go away. It then builds in them and demands an outlet. So, the passive aggressive behavior begins. Because of their fear of confrontation, they let it out in ways that appear bizarre to those who don't suffer from these issues.
Unfortunately for them - and those who they come in regular contact with! - whether they intend to become abusive or not, this leads to them being abusive. Some are worse than others. But they constantly keep people confused, irritated, frustrated, etc. Personal relationships with passive aggressive people can be quite damaging to someone who does not consciously realize what is going on.
It is good that you see what is going on, see her for what she is.
It is a lonely existence for passive aggressive people. They don't know how to have rewarding, rich, or reciprocal and healthy relationships with others. They often desire closeness, but feel terrified of showing any vulnerability, which goes back to them feeling uncomfortable in expressing how they really feel if it is less than positive.
Often they were brought up in environments that stifled expression of anger or displeasure, with the consequence being that the parent(s) would cut off their love or approval. They have learned that they must be agreeable to receive love and approval, and therefore must repress anger and any form of disagreement - but obviously, these feelings do not simply melt away, and eventually demand to be released. Their fear of expressing these things and the simultaneous demand for them to be released causes a huge dilemma for them, and they feel very uneasy.
They could evolve, of course, into healthier people - but oftentimes their fear of confrontation and emotional honesty makes this prospect terrifying for them, and they fail to make healthy changes.
Sorry you have to deal with this. It can be very frustrating. Just know that inside, she is at war with herself. Doesn't necessarily make it easier to deal with, and it is complicated by the fact that the nature of this relationship is professional, but at least you know why she does it.
Peace.
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