Chilledice

So I have been invited to a friends birthday party this Saturday, it will be in the pub, im only 2 weeks sober so im new to sobriety! Just wondering what to do? Ive already told him il be there should I cancel?

AlcoholFree66

I would if it think it will be tempting for you to drink or you will feel really uncomfortable in that situation.

AlcoholFree66

I guess it's probably wise as you've mentioned you are having obsessional thoughts about alcohol.

pdoc

If it was me I would, I declined attending my sons engagement party in a couple of weeks because I didn't want to chance it.

PurpleKnight

A few things if it's something that you feel you need to attend:

-Your friend needs to know you're not drinking, in advance of Saturday, no point in arriving and everyone thinking it's normal service, Chilledice is drinking tonight, you want it to be set up that you're not drinking beforehand.
-Have a drink (non alcoholic) in hand at all times, cuts out the temptation of drinking something else.
-Pre prepare what you're going to say before Saturday to the question, what do you want to drink Chilledice? there needs to be no hesitation.
-Have an exit plan, how are you excusing yourself, when or if everyone else has been drinking and the night potentially becomes a bit flat/annoying as you'll be Sober.

Just a few suggestions, but all will rest on the decision as to whether you're going, it could be a tad risky at only 2 weeks.

Dee74

I know you've been to the pub and it went ok...but in another thread today you said 'all I can think of! booze booze booze! '

The prudent thing would be to miss this one, I think.

D

DisplacedGRITS

I'd call and cancel, especially considering that you're struggling right now. Maybe, you could take him out to dinner with just the two of you. It's a lot easier to not drink if the intense social pressure isn't there.

BruceSA

Lots of good advice here.

Bottom line is your choice to go or not to go.

Personally, I wouldn't go. There will be lots of parties in the future when you've got more sober time in your suitcase.

If you do decide to go, Purpleknight has given some good coping mechanisms. I used to feel shy / embarrassed /whatever the word is about not drinking, especially with clients and used to think up all kinds of stuff to get out of it.

Now, I don't really care what they think, but I do make sure that they know I'm not drinking.

Strength in your decision and remember these 14 days, how hard you have fought for them.

All the best,

Bruce.

LBrain

purplek brings up some good ideas. From what I gathered from your recent posts, I would not go.
Do you have a sober friend? You could a quick drop in to say hello and congratulations, and make a quick exit. Just a cameo will be remembered as being there. Just get there and leave before the other folks get too far into memory loss land.

Breadfin

Maybe I'm the odd case here, but I find it to be easier to NOT drink at the social occasions that I have attended. It's when I am alone that I have problems and cravings. I guess we alcoholics don't do lonely well. I sure don't.

Just listen to the voice in your head, but not the one that is telling you to order a drink.

Stoogy

I think it's all down to how you feel in pressure situations like this, if you feel anxious about it at this point I would probably not go, there will come a time when you are completely at ease around gatherings like this, but don't put any unnecessary pressure on yourself at this early stage.

EndGameNYC

If you're standing on the edge of a small cliff that, by jumping it would cut your walking time in half, but you're not sure if it's safe to jump, it's best not to put it to the test.

A developmental milestone for growing into adulthood is to recognize that we have choices in most any situation, and then to make the best possible choice with what we know.

Oldselfagain

I think by asking the question you already know the answer. It's like asking if it's ok to put a few lines of coke on the table in front of coke addict that's trying to kick the habit. If your sobriety is the most important thing to you then you should politely decline the invitation.

Carlotta

What is most important to you? Your sobriety or a social engagement.
You wrote in another thread that you are really obsessing and struggling so the obvious answer is don't go. At best, you will spend hours in the pub being tortured by your AV and not truly enjoying yourself or chances are you will pick up.
Get your priorities straight: do you want sobriety or do you want your misery/ill health back?

I'd suggest that you buy your friend a nice birthday present and give it to him prior to the party at his house (not at the pub). Just pop in with the present and say: I got your something for your birthday, I wanted to bring it to you now since I won't be able to make it to your party.
No other explanation is needed.

justsomeone

I recently went to a friend's b-day party. It was much more difficult that I imagined it would be. I made it through sober, but I felt awkward and pressured. It was awful and I was really down for a few days. Please consider if it's really worth it right now.

Carlotta

You might want to read that thread by Pdoc http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ons-party.html
Now that's someone who is willing to go to any lengths to stay sober

least

If it were me I don't think I'd go. I wasn't yet solid in my recovery then and wouldn't want to chance it.

MIRecovery

At about 3 month sober I went to a drinking Halloween party. I was sure I could handle it but I took precautions. I went with people who knew I was in recovery, I drove separately, I had multiple people I could call. I was there for 45 minutes and had a panic attack. It was then I realized what a hold alcohol still had on me.

After that I went no where alcohol was present for over a year

grubby

Attending such a booze-ridden event is waaaaaaaaayyy too risky this early into your sobriety....... 2 weeks??

I would find some sort of excuse not to go.

But, if you must go........ or if you are "cornered" by your friend:

"honest" option
- just come clean and say you're not drinking for the time being - tell em' you're taking a break, have a water or a soda and be done with it.......... if anyone gives you any grief, just stand your ground and politely decline their offer

"keeping it a secret" option
- say nothing about being sober. order some soda that just *looks* like booze and tell bartender to keep it quiet ....... for example ginger ale, and drink that on the sly and pretend to be drunk. Or order a small coke and claim it's a coke & rum. Or order a red colored juice of some kind and pretend you're drinking wine. Hell, if the bar offers non-alco/0% versions of your favorite booze brands........ order a couple and drink up, and again: TELL BARTENDER TO KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT!!1 I hope you get the idea....... use your imagination

With either option............ please try your best to avoid such trigger-risky scenarios altogether in the future.

Chilledice

Thank you all for taking the time to reply, I shall consider this one VERY carefully, thank you!